Does coaching/giving advice to a lover help?

[Ramsey]

Ok, tons of people bitch "oh, this guy thought he was so great at oral sex, but he was a slovenly bore" or "man, she was terrible in bed".
So, most of us don't come programmed with the instant "perfect lover" mode. And yes, some people just need to learn something, and there is a lot to say for personal taste as well. Some like it rough and wild, and if you aren't you may be considered boring.

So does coaching or telling a lover more of what you like help? Have you noticed people open up or try new things, or do they stay in the same rut?

 

[goodwood]

Well, this all depends on the lover or who you are with. My instant answer to your question is "YES! It's necessary and good".

For instance, this chick last weekend wanted me to pull her hair and do this, that and the other which is great she told me because i wasn't able to read her mind. I am very happy when women tell me what they want me to do - more, less, harder, not so hard, whatever.
The best lovers i have had have taken direction from me as well and when there is that kind of open communication, it makes the sex exponentially better.
When there is coaching/advice being given its a great way to learn something or teach someone something that they might not have thought of doing.
I have had sex with some really hot women that had NO idea how to have good sex and had no interest in doing anything different so needless to say, those were once offs.
I can't imagine having sex where both people aren't telling the other one what works for them.

 

[tasteslikejellyjam]

its all about communication...
but be tactful about it...
start off by getting something like the kama sutra or some edible oils...
something of that short...
let them know you would like to get more mischievous... =D
usually that helps people lighten up...
then you can ask them to do something...
NEVER say I don't like that if its just a minor adjustment...
instead using the words I like it better this way or I like it better when you do this...
no one gets too mad over a few instructions most people want to please you not rub their own ego...
and if it is their ego its time to move one because they're probably turds in their everyday lives anyways...

 

[marriedasian]

Yes, you should always communicate it before, during, and after sex. However, the approach should be different in each aspect because we're all in different state of mind and vulnerabilities at each moment.

You can't feel what the other person is feeling and vice-versa so tell each other.

 

[Ramsey]

I would just say to people before they start bashing someone that doesn't know what they are doing, is consider "maybe this person is afraid to let their sexuality loose. Maybe they haven't had much experience? Maybe they aren't a ho like me" and then TALK. People aren't mind readers. If the person doesn't learn, THEN criticize.

 

[rob_just_rob]

I appreciate being told if I am doing something that is uncomfortable or otherwise not working, and suggestions as to what DOES work.

I found that no matter how tactfully I gave suggestions, many women weren't interested. I had one girlfriend who gave terrible head (I appreciate that I am not the easiest person to give head to, but still). I told her what felt good, and couched it carefully ("I LOVE how it feels when you suck me, but what feels really amazing is when you do X, Y, and Z"). She never changed. I eventually stopped wanting head from her. Which maybe was her goal all along :shrug:

 

[B_New End]

Ok, tons of people bitch "oh, this guy thought he was so great at oral sex, but he was a slovenly bore" or "man, she was terrible in bed".
So, most of us don't come programmed with the instant "perfect lover" mode. And yes, some people just need to learn something, and there is a lot to say for personal taste as well. Some like it rough and wild, and if you aren't you may be considered boring.

So does coaching or telling a lover more of what you like help? Have you noticed people open up or try new things, or do they stay in the same rut?

The most important thing to me is genuine desire to be dirty. You can't teach that.

However, sometimes, you can open up someone and coax out their inner fuck fiend.

 

[B_ILIW]

how can you satisfy your partner if you don't know his/her needs?

IMO, that is the essence of being good in bed, by learning a person's unique sexual response and performing what it takes to get them going. Being bad in bed is IMO being unenthusiastic, repetitive and not willing to learn.

 

[D_Ellerby Eatsprick]

It helps BIG time. My ex taught me how to suck his cock in the way he wanted by demonstrating on my dildo. As gay as it sounds, visual demos are the way to go. So when I saw how he wanted it done, I went crazy and some on his cock.

 

[Principessa]

Depends on the person. Some just can't take direction, suggestion, or advice and will continue doing the wrong thing until you kick them out of bed.

 

[B_625girth]

different strokes for different folks. be adaptable, flexible.

 

[B_quietguy]

I'd say communication skills are necessary for even an adequate lover. Anybody who can't give or take directions is not going to be very fun in bed.

 

[B_cigarbabe]

Depends on the person. Some just can't take direction, suggestion, or advice and will continue doing the wrong thing until you kick them out of bed.

Exactly!
I give direction because you can always be a better lover
and should aspire to be.
Don't you agree?
I don't want to hurt my lovers {man or woman} feelings but I have no patience for a bad lover who won't listen or take direction!:no:
C.B.:saevil:

 

[denton85]

it helps quite a bit for most people. Only had one girl where i tried (tactfully i might add... with patients ) instructing her to do a few things... however... she didn't take it to heart, and in some cases called it ... just not right.... i mean if i say lets switch positions, lets me do you from behind (it was a little dirtier... but it's been edited for a more clean, example purpose) and her response is, no thats not right....

some people can't be taught... but most can... it's MUCH more worth to try then just leave it at bad sex