This is breaking my heart lately, because it's causing my boyfriend a lot of insecurity and frustration. I've only come by other people a few times in my life. The vast majority of the time, I reach orgasm through masturbation. It's much more enjoyable for me when I'm getting fucked (any of my three holes are great!), but it's usually my own hands that get me over the edge. It's been like this for me all my life. I have had many partners over the years; that said, this is the first male partner I've had for more than six months (it's been about eight now) - I've had more hetero sex with him than anyone, and shared lots of "firsts" with him: he's the only guy I've ever had unprotected intercourse with, for example. I'm completely in love with him and we've talked about having kids together. There's a strong physical attraction between us, and he loves the fact that I'm a total cock/cum fiend. He's only gone down on me several times during our relationship, though (those of you who might be quick to blame it on the fact that I'm hairy: please don't go there - he's into that, most of his other partners are as well, and it's not the issue), and lately I've been making an issue of the fact that I'd like him to do it more - not because it's my favorite activity, necessarily, but because it makes me feel close to him. Last night he tried again and became almost immediately discouraged. Because we're in an open relationship, he's sleeping with other women, so he has fresh experiences to contrast ours with. He noted that all of the other women he's been with have responded a lot more physically to cunnilingus than I do - that their legs tense up and they have a physical response. He claims that it's not very gratifying to go down on me since I don't do these things, and that even if I'm not able to come that way he wishes I would show more of a reaction. He claims I'm the only woman he's ever been with (there have been many) who wasn't able to achieve orgasm through either oral or intercourse. I've talked to friends, though, and they say that this isn't uncommon. Plenty of women, they say, require direct clitoral stimulation and some may only be able to reach the pressure they need through masturbation with their hands or a vibrator. They tell me that they've faked plenty of orgasms over the years. My bisexual friends note that there's a disparity between the reactions men and women have had to people who only come through masturbation: most men feel as though it's problematic and ego-wounding, whereas most women see it as a fact of life that doesn't detract from the sexual experience. I've been with dozens of partners and tried lots of techniques, positions, etc. I started masturbating when I was still an infant and think that I developed a need for a very intense and specific kind of clitoral stimulation early on - unfortunately, I haven't found that anyone else has been able to replicate it. I've tried allowing myself to become more sensitive by masturbating less - it helps to a point, but not completely. My boyfriend wants me to make more of an effort, though, because he claims he feels more like a spectator when it comes to my orgasms than a participant. Part of me wishes he could accept the fact that his presence is integral to my fulfillment as sufficient, but it means so much to him that I want to try to figure out a way to make him feel more included. I have a lot more to say about this, but I'm curious how others feel about it. Can any women identify with me? Men, if your partners are coming well and often, does it matter how it happens? My heart is breaking over the whole thing and I hate seeing the stress that something so trivial (to me) is bringing to my relationship with someone I'm absolutely crazy about.