What would happen if the shoe was on the other foot that you were bi instead of your husband ever think about a guys feeling about that ?
I am bisexual. I disclosed this up front. I was prepared to be monogamous to him, forsaking all others. Implicit in our promises was that we would both offer ourselves sexually to each other, and that we would both attempt to strengthen our sexual bond. I did not sign up to be legal roommates. He did not want to pursue sex with me, even though I made it crystal clear that it was important to me years before he proposed. He led me to believe that it was important to him too, and that he wanted to provide me with the sexual bonding I required.
And so I tried everything, including therapy, and he tried nothing, including therapy. And in my own home, I was rejected every time I asked for sex. A few times a year he'd approach me and perform his little sexual script. Sometimes I'd even think we were improving our sexual connection, but then I'd fuck it up by lingering in a kiss too long, or touching him "too sensually". And then our bed would be cold for months.
Thinking he had some problem he had to work through, but feeling so frustrated I couldn't focus, I asked for permission to make a few friends for casual sex. We set rules, and we were both free. The expectation was to bring new lessons to our bed. He didn't even try. He made more excuses than ever for not having sex with me (or anyone).
Eventually, I figured out he is gay. He swears he isn't, but he's had sexual contact with some dude a few times. I offerred way before that to bring a dude to explore together. No. He said to bring a woman. I brought several. Nothing happened. Only excuses.
He swears he's attracted to me. Says he's pansexual. There is no evidence of this attraction outside his childish attempts at flirting that I used to think were cute. I didn't sign up to be his fucking beard. The time to tell me he was anything other than heterosexual was way back when we were just friends, and we talked about orientation. He didn't do that. He also could have done so any time before we got married. I resent that he did not. He gets some leeway because I honestly think he didn't know. He still ruined my dreams for myself.
I have decided to dream different dreams, and be loyal to him. I look around and see many marriages much worse than mine. He has been everything I wanted in a husband except heterosexual. He is my best friend. That solid friendship is missing from all the unhappy marriages I see. That solid friendship will still be there post-menopause, and long after I have lost intetest in sex. We have been through a lot together. We take very good care of each other. But I do not have the marriage I wanted, because he stole time and opportunity from me.
I don't know your wife. She may be nothing like me. But if I were widowed and looking to rebuild, and dude popped up years in, talking about he's actually bisexual and can't do monogamy after all, I will be in prison for beating him viciously. I will never tolerate this deception from another man, because I will have told any such man all about my history. If he could still do such a thing to me, I'm going to have to hurt him on general principle.
Maybe your wife is dying to suck dicks with you. Maybe she'll be relieved that you don't want the monogamy you promised. But maybe she won't. How can I know? It's not a hive mind. Women are not Borg.