Does love equal best sex?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Drifterwood, May 25, 2010.

?

The best sex I ever had/have was/is with

  1. The man I love/loved

    22 vote(s)
    57.9%
  2. Another partner

    16 vote(s)
    42.1%
  1. Drifterwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    15,724
    Likes Received:
    386
    Location:
    Fingringhoe (GB)
    If you could be completely objective, do you think that the best sex you have had is with the person you love now or did in the past, rather than someone with whom you just clicked sexually?

    And then what if you have loved several people over the years?

    And finally, would you be honest about this to a partner?
     
  2. D_Phallus P Phyllum

    D_Phallus P Phyllum New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2008
    Messages:
    190
    Likes Received:
    0
    Best sex I had was with someone I loved. We had good sex before I started loving her, and when we were later really in love, it became great.

    I've loved lots of people I've not had sex with, and had sex with lots of people I haven't loved, but when the two come together - love and sex - it's like rocket fuel.
     
  3. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    249
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    Hmmm I wish I hadn't voted now. Just because the only sex I've had has been with people I love. I would like to think that's the best way. I don't know if I would relax with a stranger. That's just me personally. I love the person I'm with and loved the one before him at the time we were having sex. I don't really think either is better than the other. But even if my ex had been better I don't think I would tell my current partner, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.
     
  4. petite

    petite New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,539
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    I've loved several people over the years and I've had sex with many more. I think love and sex are independent with one another, but the ones I've fallen for have usually been the better lovers.

    I think TheBoyfriend is the best of them all because he's the most open-minded and fun of anyone I've ever been with before. He has no hang-ups.

    I have been in love with a man whom I did not enjoy having sex with very much. He was not a great lover. I fell for him long before we had sex, so I did not know that he wasn't good in bed.

    Most people will have sex more often with a better lover. There is scientific evidence that the more sex and physical affection you have with someone, the more likely you will have feelings of attachment and love, because of the neurotransmitter oxytocin, which is released during physical contact and during sex. It's a physiological reason why human beings have a difficult time with NSA sex, especially if one has sex with the same partner over and over again. Because of the synergistic effect estrogen with oxytocin, it is believed that oxytocin affects women much more strongly than men, making us more likely to feel emotional and loyal because of sex. Sound familiar? It seems that we are actually build this way. Maybe women's selectiveness when it comes to choosing sexual partners is self protective, in order to prevent us from becoming loyal to men with whom we should not.
     
    #4 petite, May 25, 2010
    Last edited: May 25, 2010
  5. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2010
    Messages:
    3,291
    Likes Received:
    6
    I've loved several people over the years but the best sex is with my current beau.We are very much in love and due to that,and the fact that i think he is perfection personified,he thinks the same about me,makes our sex life totally wonderful,awesome and perfect.
     
  6. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,912
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
    The best sex I've ever had was when it was with someone I loved, by far. Even when it was raunchy. No, especially. :tongue:
     
  7. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    3,790
    Likes Received:
    17
    Best sex was with someone I was not in love with, but we clicked in ever other way. Thankfully, I never confused hot sex with love. I have loved others and experienced great sex with them, but I was addickted to the best sex guy and would still revisit. :08:
     
  8. Gecko4lif

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    2,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pensacola , Fl
    Love doesnt even make for the best relationships so I dont see how it would make for the best sex.

    Different sex I suppose but it doesnt mean it would be the best.

    Just my 2 cents
     
  9. Drifterwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    15,724
    Likes Received:
    386
    Location:
    Fingringhoe (GB)
    Are you going to tell partners that, let alone a wife?

    I ask, because an old friend from here, M Zora, used to insist on absolute honesty and this is one of the areas that I just couldn't see that working.

    Is it then something that we should accept will be the case?
     
  10. Daisy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2009
    Messages:
    4,995
    Likes Received:
    333
    Gender:
    Female
    The best sex I've had is definitely with someone I love.
     
  11. B_Jules7

    B_Jules7 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    It's strange bacause while I do think that the most loving intimate sex has been with partners I have loved, and especially my current partner.. I do think think that some of the most memorable sex has been one night stands or flings. I guess that in a relationship much of the sex is at home under straight forward circumstances, whereas the flings have the benefit of being exciting and unpredictable. There is also something exciting about sex with someone for the first time, and one night stands hold that mysterious aurora.

    Also what is interesting is I think back to previous relationships and there are always 2 or 3 sexual encounters which stand out and they are usually the early ones, and almost always the more unusual ones.. in a car, on the beach or somewhere different. The dozens of home in bed moments just don't stand out!

    Finally, another strange thing is that I tend to find that as time goes past you often build a memory of past encounters, and maybe even blow it up to be more/better than it was! Thus when in a relationship I sometimes have fond memories of past encounters, but actually my current g/f probably out performs almost all.

    And to answer your other question - NO I would certainly not tell my g/f !! She is very jealous and doesn't want to know anything about my history.
     
  12. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    For what it's worth, I think it's impossible to have really really great sexual chemistry without a good emotional connection involved. I've had sex with zero emotion involved and it was the worst sex I've ever had.
     
  13. Gecko4lif

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    2,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pensacola , Fl
    I have yet to tell a girl I loved her. The Problem would come from telling someone you dont love them rather than just not saying you love them in the first place.

    To be honest If I did actually love someone I would try to be with them but I wouldnt marry them simply because marriage isnt necessary at all.

    Id only get married for financial gain.
     
  14. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I agree, especially when it's raunchy. :redface:
     
  15. AdrianaOne

    AdrianaOne New Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2010
    Messages:
    28
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    50
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    East Coast
    I have to say yes, definitely. I hate to be cliche or generic, but it's true in my case that the guy I loved was my best sexual partner.
     
  16. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    3,790
    Likes Received:
    17
    Good points! I also think differences in the type of relationship can play a role in perceived quality. For my "hot sex" relationship, we were together (not in love), but part of the experience was over a year of sexual tension building up making it more, as you noted, exciting. There was definitely a chemical thing, but waiting made it hotter.

    For the current BF - love, the fact that we are dedicated to each other, and know each other well (more than just what turns us on) makes for really good sex. But, it isn't just the sex that I find hot. Can't explain that, but the whole foundation of the relationship plays a part in creating a feeling of sexual and emotional satisfaction.

    He does know everything, though. :smile:
     
  17. ixamxtrouble

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2008
    Messages:
    32
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    2,409
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Where ninjas reside
    I have had a handful of boyfriends, & a handful of partners

    I've been dating my bf now for almost 2 years, I can cheesily say I've never had a love like this before, nor have I had the best sex, which somehow keeps getting better. It amazes me how good are sex is, sometimes I question it, haha.
     
  18. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    My best sex ever was not with someone I loved. We are great friends, and I could probably love him if it was appropriate, but at the moment - just friends. And yes, I did tell my ex (who I loved) that this guy was better than him (he asked). I think what made this guy good was/is that we're really well matched. We enjoy the same things, and have sex drives that match up. This guy really really loves both sex and women's bodies - whatever shape they come in.
     
  19. Drifterwood

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2007
    Messages:
    15,724
    Likes Received:
    386
    Location:
    Fingringhoe (GB)
    Did this have anything to do with him becoming "ex"?
     
  20. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    Lol :) No. We broke up some years after that conversation. I think he was quite aware that I've always been able to keep sex and love separate. Fairly early on I actually gave up sex with the one who was really good because I was committing myself to the now-ex. The now-ex said I didn't have to at that point, but I thought it needed to be done.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted