Does she want sex if she spends the night?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by shyyguy123, Mar 20, 2010.

  1. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    I'm terrible with women. I was extremely shy most of my life and I've always been insanely passive around women. I'm actually a virgin, despite having a lot of opportunities at sex, due to my passiveness. I need serious help with my current situation:

    I've been hanging out with this girl recently who says she still has some feelings for her ex and just wants friends for now. Twice now she has hit me up and asked if she could come hang out, both very late like 12:00 and 1 am. And yes she ended up spending the night both times which I'm assuming was her intention beforehand. We did not have sex but we did spoon and wrestle. Due to my passiveness I didn't really make a move aside from grabbing her ass. We've been hanging out for a few weeks now and I haven't even kissed her. I was actually denied the only time I tried.

    Am I being an idiot here for not making a move? If a woman wants to come over and spend the night does she for sure want sex? Should I just grab a titty next time, if there is a next time? Anyone have any advice??
     
  2. D_Petherick_Poundlouder

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    Yes, you are being an idiot. Make a move. Make a good move, like call her to come over and hang out at that time. Be cool about it - don't change up your person, just ask her to come over and go through the normal routine of last time. Go for that kiss at the right time.

    And well...the rest will be history.
     
  3. exwhyzee

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    Eh...I think she is testing you. She knows you're pretty passive and won't force yourself on her (which is what many guys would do if a woman crawled into bed with them at 1am and cuddled and wrestled). If she doesn't want sex...that's really odd behavior.

    But let's assume she is odd, and for whatever reason she does not want to have sex with you...she seems to be testing boundaries. Maybe she wants to see how far she can tease you. Maybe she is exploring whether she likes you that way. Maybe she is not used to sleeping alone anymore.

    If you don't want to get charged with rape, and you don't want to get slapped, or risk lose her friendship, you both need to talk more. If she is not capable of articulating her feelings to you...then you might want to back off this situation. The last thing you need is a rape charge.
     
  4. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Talk about it? You really think I should straight up ask her what she wants with me? I have a feeling that will make her feel awkward and she'll completely shut me out.

    Between the 1st and 2nd time she spent the night I told her I was a virgin. She has a thing for young inexperienced guys so I told her and it definitely felt like she was pretty infatuated with me for a while. She hit me up almost every day the past week or so. The last time I chilled with her, two days ago, I gave her a hug as I was about to leave and went for the kiss. Probably terrible timing as she was not thrilled about it. So I'm not even sure if she wants to hang out with me again lol? Should I leave her alone for a while and see if she hits me up? Ugh I'm so confused here lol.
     
    #4 shyyguy123, Mar 20, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2010
  5. dolfette

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    doll, there's a seriously high probability that she sees you as such a good friend that sex will never come up, that she has no intention of ever sleeping with you, and that she's just assuming from your actions that you feel the same way.

    if this is the case then you making a move will upset her and completely ruin your friendship. so, yeah, asking her straight out how she feels is the best option.
     
  6. Incocknito

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    Don't make a move. She will make the move once she becomes aroused enough. At that time you should just play dumb as in, "can I help you?", "is there something you want?" etc :cool:

    Soon thereafter she will jump your bones.

    But you need to stop worrying about things and just take them as they come. Also from experience girls who just broke up with their ex's aren't really the best for sex or a relationship.

    Just wait and see. Don't expect her to have sex with you but at the same time don't expect that she won't.
     
  7. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    I've known her for all of 3 and 1/2 weeks. I'm not sure how she can possibly think I'm that good of a friend in such a short time. None of my other women friends want to come over at 1am to spend the night either...

    I get the vibe that she kind of likes me but doesn't know what she wants due to still having feelings for her ex. And I dont know how to approach it from here. Her comming over at 1am to spend the night is a pritty clear signal for most women and I'm afraid that me not making a move has sent the wrong signal about where I want this relationship to go.
     
  8. dolfette

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    so she's craving male company in the night,
    missing being held & hanging & messing about.

    sounds like you're the filler friend.
    nice & safe, filling the gaps without posing a sexual/emotional risk.
     
  9. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Yes, I would agree that is a possibility. But my ego still says that If I had made a move she probably would have had sex with me. She's made it clear she finds my physically attractive. I just don't know how to find this stuff out without making her uncomfortable by asking her. I know for a fact she doesn't want to engage in an awkward conversation with me so I'm not sure asking her how she feels is an option.
     
    #9 shyyguy123, Mar 20, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2010
  10. dolfette

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    well if you're going to make any moves, make a move and not a MOVE.

    just so that she can back out of it without having to kick you in the ego.
     
  11. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Haha what does that mean!?? Make a small move? Give me an example. I told you I'm terrible with women so please explain what you mean.
     
  12. dolfette

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    a big move, like grabbing & kissing her, means that she has to tell you to back off.
    a small move, like starting to nuzzle her neck while you spoon, means that she can move away a little without making it an issue.
     
  13. cbrmale

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    From what I remember, most younger women crave sex as much as men, but are often too reserved to make the first move. So it comes down to us. Dolfette was writing from the perspective of a sexually experienced 34 year old, not what's happening here. If a younger woman stays over make the move, and you may never know what might happen.

    This happened to me with my now wife. She told me she was waiting for marriage but stayed the night anyway. We cuddled, she responded, I left her in no doubt where I wanted things to go, she responded again; we had sex.
     
  14. dolfette

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    well you have more experience of being a young woman.
     
  15. B_talltpaguy

    B_talltpaguy New Member

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    Or, you put your hand on her hip when spooning, and see if she resists when you brush your hand down towards her crotch as you rub it up the side of her hip towards her arm pit... or conversely, bump into the bottom of her boob and see if she minds... If she snuggles into you even closer, you're in...
     
  16. Wish-4-8

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    Yup dude, you are in the friend catagory. If she wanted to have sex, she would be more obvious. The first move thing gets lost when you are that colse. The fact that it hasnt happened means she does not see you that way. Not even a rebound fuck.
    That is not true. She had a BF and they had sex so she is no stranger to sex. In my experiance, if a girl wants to fuck, they will let you know. And I have played dumb too, not making a move. Nope, they jumped my bones after waiting. Get that close to a girl who wants it, and its on.
     
  17. dolfette

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    ^^^he's got the moves!

    good stuff. if she moves away then you brushed her boob by accident. honest.
    and if she likes it? this slow start builds up sexual tension fantastically.
     
  18. dolfette

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    his post might have been accurate 50 years ago, but these days most young women seem to be ok with wanting sex.
     
    #18 dolfette, Mar 20, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2010
  19. Wish-4-8

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    I was going to mention the accident thing too. Except its the woman whos hand "accidently" grabs your crotch. Or her boob "accidently" touches your hand. Or she trips and falls and her pussy "accidently" lands on your dick. (OK, the last one was a joke)
     
  20. Wish-4-8

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    Uh?
    My post makes the assumption that women DO want to have sex. Im confused.
     
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