Does somebody gets a second date?

[ConstantComment]

****I seriously believe that we wouldn't be where we are now if I had just gone swimming with him and jumped in the sack. I don't know that he would have taken me as seriously, he wouldn't have gotten to know me first and I wouldn't have gotten to know him first and I'm not sure if we ever would have the way that we did.****

I agree with this. There is a little bit of strategy required in the mating game. I suppose I wouldn't admit this too often in real life. I would get shouted down by those who want to call everyone who doesn't immediately submit to their every whim a gameplayer. I think people also forget that when they get things too easily, then they're easily bored and don't value it. What is it that they say about celebrities....they usually fall in love with the one who is not impressed with their celebrity status.

As far as having sex with somoneone you could see a future with, I have talked about this with a few friends. The last thing we want is to sleep with the guy and the relationship goes downhill after that. The only reassuarance I can think of is to wait until the relationship gets to a point that the two of you are pretty well integrated into each other's lives. But maybe you men have some ideas about this.

 

[petite]

I agree with this. There is a little bit of strategy required in the mating game. I suppose I wouldn't admit this too often in real life. I would get shouted down by those who want to call everyone who doesn't immediately submit to their every whim a gameplayer. I think people also forget that when they get things too easily, then they're easily bored and don't value it. What is it that they say about celebrities....they usually fall in love with the one who is not impressed with their celebrity status.

As far as having sex with somoneone you could see a future with, I have talked about this with a few friends. The last thing we want is to sleep with the guy and the relationship goes downhill after that. The only reassuarance I can think of is to wait until the relationship gets to a point that the two of you are pretty well integrated into each other's lives. But maybe you men have some ideas about this.

There's game playing on both sides. There was definitely a game in his gambits to get me to sleep with him before we got to know one another. I just recognized that this wasn't the way I wanted things to happen and I made my choices accordingly, despite how often I fantasized about sleeping with him.

Just because you recognize the game and play according to the rules, doesn't make you a game player. Maybe you just aren't dumb enough to think there isn't a game at all. Maybe it makes you a very smart woman who realizes how she'll be judged, how her actions will affect the relationship, and what it takes to really make a relationship work with men.

 

[ConstantComment]

****There was definitely a game in his gambits to get me to sleep with him before we got to know one another. ****

So what were his maneuvers that you had to dodge?

 

[petite]

****There was definitely a game in his gambits to get me to sleep with him before we got to know one another. ****

So what were his maneuvers that you had to dodge?

Mostly just a lot of flirtation. There was never another situation where we were both somewhere where it would be so easy to impulsively indulge in impromptu hedonism like at the hotel where we would both already be nearly naked already and it would be too easy just to go up to his room.

That was right after I met him. I was highly entertained to discover that the entire swim trip was a maneuver to get me into bed. He's hilarious when he tells his side of the story. We both arrived at the same conclusion: I would sleep with him if I went. The things is, every single woman who went also would have slept with him. The next day me and a bunch of women were having a girls night out and the ones who went swimming told me about the adventure. Four of my friends spied on him while he was changing, those perverts, and they saw everything, told us that he's gorgeous head-to-toe and he's hung. I thought they were exaggerating how large he is in order to be really humorous, though, because there was a lot of giggling and raucous laughter. They already had their eye on him for a while because he would run downtown after his workout every day, but I didn't see this for myself until the next week. They were right, the boy knew how to dress to show off his assets for a post workout run!

I wasn't actually single at the time. I had a boyfriend, but there was so much sexual tension between us that everyone noticed, including my boyfriend. When I broke up with him, my goal was to date TheBoyfriend, but it was two weeks before he asked me out, which was killing me. Because he was traveling on business, we didn't go out on our first date for another two weeks, where we met up in a different city. When we first began dating, nearly every single one was in a new city, a different state. It was fun!

Trust me, the wait was worth it. It was a lot more fun and a lot more memorable.

 

[rob_just_rob]

I've read that article before, and don't agree with it.

If you want to have high standards, fine. You just need to accept that you'll date less, and maybe get married later or not at all. Being understanding of people is always good advice, but there are things that some people won't compromise on, and others will. That doesn't mean that the first group should lower their standards.

The whole thing reads to presuppose that getting married is more important than getting the person you really want. It comes across as condescending to say that what people think they want isn't what they really want.

 

[dolfette]

The whole thing reads to presuppose that getting married is more important than getting the person you really want. It comes across as condescending to say that what people think they want isn't what they really want.

totally.

i'd rather be single than just have a man for the sake of it. i know exactly what i want! and i'm happier not having what i want than having what i don't want.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

This is why I prefer to hang out, instead of date. So many rules.

 

[B_crackoff]

totally.

i'd rather be single than just have a man for the sake of it. i know exactly what i want! and i'm happier not having what i want than having what i don't want.

Oh hell yes!

I've seen enough male & female friends " marriage material "go down the drain repeatedly! It's projection, not reality. And talking to most of my married mates (who certainly aren't cheating!) they are so very unhappy, honestly, it's sad.

Relationships are smoke & mirrors, you have to wait till the mist in your head has cleared before signing up for a permanent position.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

I think people also forget that when they get things too easily, then they're easily bored and don't value it.

How much I value a relationship had NOTHING to do with how difficult or how easy it was to "get." The issue is whether I'm "easily bored and don't value it" because of who the guy is AFTER the relationship starts, not what it took to get there. Most gay men are BORING (and almost all straight men are), and I try to avoid them like the plague.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

BTW, when I read an entire thread like this one, I'm so glad--all over again--that I'm gay. I've never had to deal with these women whose ideal guy is: a) like a videogame that they were able to buy before anyone else did or b) like some fundamentalist Muslim who can be counted on treat them like crap.

 

[B_quietguy]

I've read that article before, and don't agree with it.

If you want to have high standards, fine. You just need to accept that you'll date less, and maybe get married later or not at all. Being understanding of people is always good advice, but there are things that some people won't compromise on, and others will. That doesn't mean that the first group should lower their standards.

The whole thing reads to presuppose that getting married is more important than getting the person you really want. It comes across as condescending to say that what people think they want isn't what they really want.

Perhaps women have higher standards because they go on a date asking themselves, "Is this guy marriage material?" and men have fewer standards because they aren't looking for a marriage partner on the first date, but just somebody fun to date. If men are just looking for a pleasant evening, then they don't need a 300-point checklist to mentally compare their date to right after meeting them. Yet after dating several women, they may discover which one makes the best marriage partner. (Not saying it works that way for every man - but more so for men in general.)

 

[B_quietguy]

have you ever considered that maybe it's men who should be more discerning than, ''well she has a cunt, two boobs and doesn't stink of rotting meat...i would hit that!''?

You're joking with that response. Right?

I'd say most men have more criteria than that. They just don't have 300 criteria for deciding whether to go on a second date - but they might have 300 criteria for deciding if they want to marry somebody.

 

[TheBoyfriend]

He's hilarious when he tells his side of the story. We both arrived at the same conclusion: I would sleep with him if I went.

I wasn't actually single at the time. I had a boyfriend, but there was so much sexual tension between us that everyone noticed, including my boyfriend.

Trust me, the wait was worth it. It was a lot more fun and a lot more memorable.

I actually think we would have still ended up together the same way if you had caved in that night.. I had definitely already targeted you, and for more reasons than just the joy of the hunt. I actually thought we connected well and we had had a lot of really great conversations just hanging out and drinking coffee. Sure the reason I had THOSE conversation is because I thought you were hot but you were already off the "fast track" even if you had slipped that night.

I'm not saying that I didn't love our long distance romance; I would still trade it in for a few more months with you.

 

[petite]

I actually think we would have still ended up together the same way if you had caved in that night.. I had definitely already targeted you, and for more reasons than just the joy of the hunt. I actually thought we connected well and we had had a lot of really great conversations just hanging out and drinking coffee. Sure the reason I had THOSE conversation is because I thought you were hot but you were already off the "fast track" even if you had slipped that night.

I'm not saying that I didn't love our long distance romance; I would still trade it in for a few more months with you.

We'll never know now. And I think you may underestimate how guilty I would have felt about being unfaithful to my boyfriend, even though we weren't very serious, and what the effect of that would have been, how it may have tainted my feelings about both you and me. I don't consider myself to be that kind of woman, and the way that it played out, my relationship with you was entirely guilt-free and full of nothing but joy, anticipation, constant longing, and blissful romantic feelings. I even love the memory of wanting you and not being able to have you. It amped up the suspense. I don't wish anything was different at all!

 

[D_Ambrosius Cottonballs]

That is one great reason why I love being more gay than str8! Most women come with so many silly reasons to be picky!

Actually I can probably think of 1000 reasons why I wouldn't go on a second date!

Let's see, here's 10 more...

301. Expects sex on the first date *** Just say no!
302. Laughed at a racist joke *** Just don't laugh and EXPRESS how you feel about it
303. Doesn't like my dog *** What??? If he doesn't like your son or daughter is definitely a reason, but a dog???
304. Got really drunk and passed out. *** I can see that point!
305. Wouldn't leave my apartment when I wanted him to at the end of the date (this has happened a few times) *** I can see this too, but after you talk things out, give a second chance! Come on!
306. Arrived really late and didn't have a good excuse. *** Same as above
307. Flirts with someone else while we're on a date. *** Definitely a deal breaker
308. Got stoned.*** Same as above
308. Didn't shave (and he's not working the sexy stubble look). *** Tell him! Really, enough for rejection?
309. Didn't brush his teeth. *** I would not reject a great man or woman for something this little. That is fixable!
310. Smells really bad*** Same as above!

Okay, that's mostly facetious, but four of them have actually happened on a first date before, believe it or not.

If you're an attractive woman, you have a lot of options because attractive women get a lot of male attention, so we can afford to be picky. There is someone else we can date if it's not working out with one man.

. *** That actually sounds very sad and arrognt ! I would not choose for a parner (male or female) just for his/her physical appearance, dick or boobs size. I will choose that for sex but not for a LTR!

 

[petite]

That is one great reason why I love being more gay than str8! Most women come with so many silly reasons to be picky!

. *** That actually sounds very sad and arrognt ! I would not choose for a parner (male or female) just for his/her physical appearance, dick or boobs size. I will choose that for sex but not for a LTR!

Did you not notice that I said the list was mostly facetious? Have no sense of humor? Or do you not know what "facetious" means? Here's a vocabulary lesson:

fa·ce·tious   [fuh-see-shuhs]
–adjective
1.not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark.
2.amusing; humorous.
3.lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous: a facetious person.

 

[D_Ambrosius Cottonballs]

I know what you mean, but I also know that most women think that way!

Did you not notice that I said the list was mostly facetious? Have no sense of humor? Or do you not know what "facetious" means? Here's a vocabulary lesson:

fa·ce·tious   [fuh-see-shuhs]
–adjective
1.not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark.
2.amusing; humorous.
3.lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous: a facetious person.

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

i'm sure there's more than 300 reasons, but i won't list them all here. what's more important is that every woman is different and has her reasons why she will or will not go on a second date. it's not rocket science.

 

[dolfette]

You're joking with that response. Right?

I'd say most men have more criteria than that. They just don't have 300 criteria for deciding whether to go on a second date - but they might have 300 criteria for deciding if they want to marry somebody.

but what is the purpose of continuing to see someone who is destined from the start to be rejected? this is my point.

even if the guy is really into me, if i'm NEVER going to be into im then it's just plain cruel to waste months of his time & break his heart. far better to send him home with blue balls & get out of his life.

the few times i've allowed myself to be swayed by the, ''i really like you. just give it a chance.'' lines i've regretted it and they've been hurt by it. you CAN tell on a first date if someone isn't going to fit in your life.

my unconscious list if a good thing for all concerned.

 

[helgaleena]

If men were as picky as women, the human race would die out or at least shrink significantly.

And that would be bad how?