Does stop REALLY mean stop

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by londonhanger, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. londonhanger

    londonhanger Active Member

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    I've been wondering, if the woman your with screams 'stop' during / after orgasm does she really mean it or can she go on to experience a further, more intense orgasm if you continue? I tried carrying on with oral recently when asked to stop and received great praise afterwards. Although with other partners I've found things just get way to sensitive at the point of orgasm. Is the urge to scream stop involuntary?
     
  2. Vestigial

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    Following instruction down to the letter can have it's benefits.
     
  3. dolfette

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    with me it does.
    i'll tell you and if that doesn't work then i'm going to hurt you. carrying on after i say stop is to my mind sexual assault.
    stop means stop and no means no.
     
  4. RawDog

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    My ex and I had a safeword... aardvark.

    If she said stop and I didn't (which had happened twice) she'd struggle and become violent with me and would cum harder. She did say the safeword a few times though. Sometimes the mind just clicks into overdrive and the knee jerk reaction is to yell stop.

    I was lucky her knee jerk reaction was never to my testicles.

    With my wife, this is vastly different. We both respect each other and each other's language. My ex never respected much of anything which is why the dynamic was so fucked up to begin with.

    In other words, the answer is, "It depends on the relationship."
     
  5. the_reverend

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    well, i think there's a world of difference between someone saying stop leading up to or during an orgasm because of the intense feelings of pleasure and someone saying stop because they're being assaulted or raped. not only in context, but for sure in the WAY in which it is said.

    my last girlfriend, at the beginning of our relationship, hadn't had very good sex with any of her previous partners and was very nervous and reserved about really enjoying sex, letting go and losing control. she'd often say "stop" right as she was on the verge of orgasm...and i'd reluctantly acquiesce. but we eventually talked about it and she said it really was just very intense and she, for whatever reason, felt almost embarrassed about climaxing in front of me. so the next time we did it, when she said "stop," i kept going a bit and asked "are you sure?" she looked up at me and this moment kind of passed between us, and she told me to keep going. anytime after that, i'd double check with her any time she told me to stop and more often than not she'd ask me to keep going. eventually, it wasn't an issue anymore...and the only times she'd tell me to stop were if her leg was cramping up or she wanted to resituate a pillow or something, lol. but it really helped us build up the trust and make her more comfortable with letting go and fully enjoying it.

    communication is key, both during sex and in the times in between. figure out why she's saying stop...nervous about an intense orgasm? head slamming into the wall behind her? did they change their mind? do they need a break? sometimes, with a couple of girls, it helped them reach their orgasm to stop for a bit, or helped them crest on to it once it started. and of course, to dolfette's point, if it's less of a breathless, moaning, still clawing at your back "stop, that feels too good" and more of an insistent "no, seriously, stop now"....well, discretion would probably prove the better part of valor. but talking it out is always a good idea. each situation and girl is different, after all.
     
  6. dolfette

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    not in my opinion.
    at least, there's not a difference that can be assumed or taken for granted.

    i have the right to refuse an orgasm.
    i have the right to stop if it feels too intense.
    i have the right to end sex any time i need to end it.

    i don't think you should pull a stunt like that unless you know her very well and you're damn sure she doesn't mind. as you say, communication is key.
     
  7. the_reverend

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    exactly. i guess my more general point comes down to, don't take anything for granted either way. check in and double check. and definitely, if it's a new situation, err on the side of caution and, y'know, not rape. ;)

    but plenty of people say things they don't mean during sex. the classic example i suppose being "i love you," though i've been fortunate enough to only have people who mean that say it to me (and vice versa), but how many atheists cry out "my God!" lol. or the girls who say "make me your bitch! i want to be your whore!" well, i'm fairly certain they don't want their partners to leave a fifty on the night stand or start tricking them out on the street corner. i had an ex who in the throes of passion one night loudly proclaimed, "I want to have your babies!" she quickly recanted the statement. ;) so yeah, as in all things and especially sex, communication, awareness and context are very crucial.

    or, if all else fails, to borrow from Raw Dog..."aardvark." :cool:

    (also, can someone make a sign that says "Management Reserves the Right to Refuse Orgasms at Any Time"? i think we're sitting on a gold mine here. :biggrin1:)
     
  8. dolfette

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    i'm selfish.
    i never share my orgasms.
     
  9. the_reverend

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    well, if you're not going to bring enough for the whole class...:cool:
     
  10. D_Cateryke Cheesysmell

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    I agree with most of what's been said thus far. "Stop, I need / a break/ a drink /to move this pillow/ etc." or "Stop that hurts" or "Stop....I'm not as into it as I thought I was..." are perfectly reasonable and should be obeyed. Respect and consideration are important in relationships.

    If you know you are super sensitive after an orgasm, tell your partner. If you can have multiples but need a little help over the edge....tell your partner.

    There are instances, however where I feel it is inappropriate to ask for a break; "Stop while I read this text message", "Stop while I do X for the dog/cat/walrus" I don't care who sent the text or how much you love your pet walrus, if you are going to have sex with someone they should get your undivided attention. Unless you plan to be at it all day (lucky bastard) see to chores beforehand. Respect and consideration go both ways.

    I've been in spots where I wanted to have a breather, but she was still riding me like her own personal merry-go-round. Guess who didn't get to stop... A momentary discomfort in return for a content lover is worth it in my mind.
     
    #10 D_Cateryke Cheesysmell, Feb 7, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
  11. dolfette

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    but ''stop, the baby is crying.'' is perfectly reasonable.
     
  12. D_Cateryke Cheesysmell

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  13. Wish-4-8

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    Better to be called a lousy lover than a sexual preditor. IMHO
     
  14. ManlyBanisters

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    Stop really does means stop.

    Unless you and your partner have explicitly agreed that it doesn't. That counts for men, women, gay sex, straight sex, bi, threesome, orgy, whatever.

    I will never say 'stop' or 'no' unless I really mean it. Those people who do say stop when they don't mean it need to tell their partners that in advance and have, as mentioned above, a safe word.
     
  15. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    As far as i knew if women didn't really you to stop we said "keep going" :eek: We know or bodies, we know or orgasm and when know when enough is enough.

    And as far as i know many women like myself aren't multi orgasmic, so to keep going after one is extremely painful.
     
  16. Hand_Solo

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    Stop means go, yes means no. Everybody knows that.
     
  17. Fleur

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    no means no always, wait means I'm overwhelmed and would stop if it was up to me because it's really intense but I really want you to keep going....but every girl is different...I always want you to keep going unless I say no or if we have a safeword, which actually I've never used one before.

    I don't think I've ever said stop...I guess if I did, it'd mean stop
     
    #17 Fleur, Feb 7, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
  18. Hand_Solo

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    As a dude, I think it's much easier to assume stop actually means stop than to keep plowing ahead. If she wishes, the woman can always amend the previous command with a "don't stop" or "keep going."
     
  19. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    Funny enough when I say "Don't stop", they stop. :/
     
  20. Fleur

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    YES! That has happened to me in the past with an ex. I'd say don't stop and he'd stop...:rolleyes:

    Don't stop means = I'm going to cum...don't stop...this feels too good don't stop etc.
     
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