does the sex stop once you get married?

irox19

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Are there any married people out there that have not experienced such a drastic change in sexual activity with their spouses? What's the secret to keeping it going? I would imagine a lot of communication at the very least!?

I'm not married yet, but I plan that if/when I ever do get married...maintaining a strong sexual bond will be a top priority. I know life/work/family gets in the way, but I am curious to know how sex falls by the wayside.

When I was engaged, my ex and I had a couple of dry spells in the last year of our relationship where we would go maybe 3-4 weeks without sex at a time, though I gave him plenty of blow jobs/hand jobs to tide him over. I had gotten so sick of him that I didn't want him to touch me, open communication was OVER and I just didn't feel close to him anymore. Sex was the very last thing I wanted with him because I didn't feel safe anymore.

Anyway...jesus, i feel for those of you who are able to go without sex for so long.
 

clandestine1

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When we first met, all we did was have sex. I mean lots and lots and lots of sex. I would say we had some form of sex at least five-six times a day for the first three or four years. It was extreme and very serious. Just thinking back on those days reminds me of how sore I always was.

We have been together for almost 14 years (married half that time) now and still have sex five or six times a week or more. We have our highs and lows too...cycles if you will. But we still have lots of sex. It's better now than it has ever been. I feel really lucky. It might be different if we had children... but they worth less sex, in my opinion. Anyways...
Sounds like my wife and I. We've been married for 14 years now too, and even after 2 kids, we're still "busier" than most people are. We've "slowed down" to 1, and sometimes 2 times a day on average, but still both have a terribly strong drive for sex. Being married a long time, and having kids does not mean that sex has to fall off to nothing or even disappear. You just have to find ways to work around the "difficulties" that you are presented with.
 

clandestine1

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Are there any married people out there that have not experienced such a drastic change in sexual activity with their spouses?
Yes.
What's the secret to keeping it going? I would imagine a lot of communication at the very least!?
You've got it. Communication is a BIG part of it. You and your spouse MUST get along and communicate anything that's bothering you or upsetting you in the relationship. Holding it in does nothing but undermine the foundation that your relationship is built on.
I'm not married yet, but I plan that if/when I ever do get married...maintaining a strong sexual bond will be a top priority.
Good, you've got the right idea, IMO. My wife understands that men have a physical need for sex, but she also knows that sex is an emotional need as well in the manner of "validating" that she still desires her husband. Most men won't admit this, but is true.
I know life/work/family gets in the way, but I am curious to know how sex falls by the wayside.
It falls away when you allow it to. There may not always be "time" to have an extended love-fest, but sometimes, that "quickie in the bathroom" means alot more when you both really feel the need and are too busy to do otherwise.
 

FuzzyKen

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I have been hitched for over 11 years. We are 58 and 47 respectively in age. Sex evolves in some ways over time. For us sex has high and low times. The frequency depends on other events taking place in our life and when we have time alone together. Sometimes if you are tired the thought and desire may be there but the ambition is not. At those times you can substitute the more romantic moments and spend time sucking face and demonstrating love and closeness that does not necessarily involve penetration of any kind but may hint at what may happen when the energy and a little dead time returns. For us it is more spontaneous and to some degree that keeps some mystery and definitely romance to it. In the beginning we were like a couple of rabbits and I would agree that there were some bonding elements to this. After eleven years the bonding really is not needed. Sometimes just the love affection and cuddling can be just as good. There are also times when the drive is high in one and low in the other that a little self-relief takes place, but this is not all that often. I would say that we do something on average several times per week. It may not always be out and out sex, but there is some kind of romantic activity on a regular basis. I also point out that my sex drive is tuned quite a bit higher than that of my other half. I accepted that from the beginning because the romance made up for when the sex was not present. Achieving an ejaculation can be done with my own hand it is the rest of the part of the relationship that is far more important to us.
 

D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher

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Yes. It wasn't just one thing that contributed to it but a combination of things. There was pregnancy and childbirth and then raising kids, being sick, being tired, fighting about money, the fact that he was not well endowed and did not satisfy me in bed, that he wouldn't think twice about getting in my face and yelling, screaming, swearing at me and saying things about me being "too fucking stupid", making a comment about my weight and the fact that in all the years of marriage I lived in our house while he lived elsewhere. Thank God for AdamEve and their endless supply of egg vibrators.
 

RawDog

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I hear everyone talking about the physical and emotional aspect of sex, but am I the only one that sees the spiritual aspect? At 45 my libido *should* be past it's peak, but I find myself more and more drawn to be inside my wife because it satiates me on a spiritual level.
 

MC1000

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Yes. My wife and I have a joke about it. When we were young we would give up a good night's sleep to have sex all night long. Now we give up good sex to sleep all night long, and hope we dream of good sex. Some morings when we wake up together I'll ask her, "Was it good for you?"
 

B_bi_mmf

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I hear everyone talking about the physical and emotional aspect of sex, but am I the only one that sees the spiritual aspect? At 45 my libido *should* be past it's peak, but I find myself more and more drawn to be inside my wife because it satiates me on a spiritual level.

Spiritual, smiritual! For me it is physical and emotional and gets better and better. After decades together, it is more spirited than ever, but definitely not spiritual.
 

Drifterwood

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though I gave him plenty of blow jobs/hand jobs to tide him over.

I had gotten so sick of him that I didn't want him to touch me, open communication was OVER and I just didn't feel close to him anymore. Sex was the very last thing I wanted with him because I didn't feel safe anymore.

I have just separated your point because I think you show the progression in decline that I see happening in relationships.

First off, some women just don't understand men's sex drive, sorry but they don't, it is alien to them. Those that do will then do as you did in keeping his balls empty. But then some stop caring, or even resenting it as you eventually did for any number of reasons.

Seems to me that both partners have to care about each others sexual happiness, and then having well matched sex drives will help. Men's sex drive tends not to change much, whilst women's is subject to quite wild fluctuations. Both sexes need to understand and compromise. Clearly they don't.