Does this mean he's gay?

[ItalianShowOff]

The bf and I were having a pretty heated discussion, and wanted some other people's opinion.
So say you're a teenager, around 16. You're pretty much average and consider yourself to be straight. You've had girlfriends and have gone pretty far, maybe even had sex. You know you want to grow up and live with a woman and have babies with her. But, you start having ideas. You like to watch straight and gay porn. Maybe guy's bulges turn you on? You start getting ideas about men, and you're really interested in dicks and gay shit.
Basically we were arguing over this basic question:
If a male teen was going through puberty and has gay thoughts, and gets turned on by both guys and gals, but knows he wants to spend his life with a woman, does this mean he's gay?

 

[MickeyLee]

it means he is young and still learning who he is and what he wants out of life. he might be straight, he might be bi or he might be gay... in the end he'll define his own sexuality in his own time.

ml

 

[Stephenmass]

I don't know many teenagers at least when I there, that didn't experiment a little with one, maybe two close friends.

That would mean nothing to me, normal behavior.

There is always the possibility that he is bisexual.

Straight, maybe?

Gay, maybe?

16 is too young I think to make that determination of someone.

If he realizes he is any of those things as long as he is honest with himself and others does it really matter?

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

It doesn't mean anything, that is puberty, a lot of questions, especially about sexuality. Later in life they will find out. But there is probably a bigger chance he is bi or maybe even gay...

 

[crescendo69]

The bf and I were having a pretty heated discussion, and wanted some other people's opinion.
So say you're a teenager, around 16. You're pretty much average and consider yourself to be straight. You've had girlfriends and have gone pretty far, maybe even had sex. You know you want to grow up and live with a woman and have babies with her. But, you start having ideas. You like to watch straight and gay porn. Maybe guy's bulges turn you on? You start getting ideas about men, and you're really interested in dicks and gay shit.
Basically we were arguing over this basic question:
If a male teen was going through puberty and has gay thoughts, and gets turned on by both guys and gals, but knows he wants to spend his life with a woman, does this mean he's gay?

Sounds somewhat bi, like many guys; not exclusively gay.

 

[koval]

The bf and I were having a pretty heated discussion, and wanted some other people's opinion.
So say you're a teenager, around 16. You're pretty much average and consider yourself to be straight. You've had girlfriends and have gone pretty far, maybe even had sex. You know you want to grow up and live with a woman and have babies with her. But, you start having ideas. You like to watch straight and gay porn. Maybe guy's bulges turn you on? You start getting ideas about men, and you're really interested in dicks and gay shit.
Basically we were arguing over this basic question:
If a male teen was going through puberty and has gay thoughts, and gets turned on by both guys and gals, but knows he wants to spend his life with a woman, does this mean he's gay?

Sounds like typical puberty where one's hormones are raging and they're only getting to grip with what their sexual orientation will be. He might end up being gay or straight, only time will tell.

 

[plumbr]

If a male teen was going through puberty and has gay thoughts, and gets turned on by both guys and gals, but knows he wants to spend his life with a woman, does this mean he's gay?

A short story about me is that when I was shown straight porn at around age 10-11, I bravely said to my presenter that, “…now that we’ve seen the women, let’s see the men.” My presenter was, in fact, not happy but the moral of the story is that I was always gay no matter how I tried to “love” women.

Because the teenager was, at the very least, interested in men I would have to say that he is a gay in gay denial or gay leaning bi. Who says gays can’t raise a family? If the image of family is taken out of the equation, then what is there to do with women (for the teen)?

One more thing to add, at the age of 16 it’s hard to figure out one’s sexuality. That teenager hasn’t even been through the denial phase yet. Mine lasted quite a while and I’ve only been coming out since October.

 

[cjc3552]

I don't know many teenagers at least when I there, that didn't experiment a little with one, maybe two close friends.

I find that very interesting. Growing up in Ga, I'd say the vast majority of teens did no such thing. The ones that I know that did, label themselves as gay now. Not that my knowledge of teens represents the entire country, but I don't know one guy who labels himself as straight that did any sort of experimenting with another guy.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Sounds like typical puberty where one's hormones are raging and they're only getting to grip with what their sexual orientation will be. He might end up being gay or straight, only time will tell.

Very wise words there Koval. A teen male is a crazed animal that doesn't have a clue about who or what they will become.

 

[ItalianShowOff]

Well, the story was based in fact by myself. As a teen I was always really interested in guys, probobly because I grew up with many female forces in my life. I do love Josh dearly, but I still love to fuck around with women and hope to, one day, raise a family. I consider myself all-sexual, because i'm totally open with who I am. I just knew that in that age range I was distraught for quite sometime over being the stereotypical man, and that my gay thoughts were 'bad' in some way. Now I know that having sex in general is great, and I can have a deep relationship with men and women, I just hope one day to marry and have kids with a woman.

 

[Principessa]

I find that very interesting. Growing up in Ga, I'd say the vast majority of teens did no such thing. The ones that I know that did, label themselves as gay now. Not that my knowledge of teens represents the entire country, but I don't know one guy who labels himself as straight that did any sort of experimenting with another guy.

THANK YOU! I have been saying the same thing since I got here and people have said I was nuts. I grew up in New Jersey and there was no experimenting 'just to see'. If a guy experimented with another guy he was gay. It was very simple. There was no gay bashing. Ditto girls.That said there were kids that we all just knew were gay or lesbian as early as the 5th grade.

Are there really that many men that experiment with other guys in their teen years and then go onto marry women and have children; but NEVER think about cock or men in a sexual way again?

 

[Principessa]

Well, the story was based in fact by myself. As a teen I was always really interested in guys, probobly because I grew up with many female forces in my life. I do love Josh dearly, but I still love to fuck around with women and hope to, one day, raise a family. I consider myself all-sexual, because i'm totally open with who I am. I just knew that in that age range I was distraught for quite sometime over being the stereotypical man, and that my gay thoughts were 'bad' in some way. Now I know that having sex in general is great, and I can have a deep relationship with men and women, I just hope one day to marry and have kids with a woman.

Is that because you genuinely love women and children and the thought of being a husband and father. Or is it because society says allegedly 'normal' men get married and have kids and you strive to be 'normal.'

 

[TheMarchHare]

He may be confused... he may be curious.. he may be bisexual. But if you wanna make your life with a woman, romantically, sexually, and emotionally... then you aren't gay hunny.

 

[ItalianShowOff]

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Is that because you genuinely love women and children and the thought of being a husband and father. Or is it because society says allegedly 'normal' men get married and have kids and you strive to be 'normal.'

I grew up thinking the latter, and it caused me some serious lost years thinking about who I was and what I wanted to do. I have always wanted to have a family and be there to support a wife and children, I just always thought that loving somebody doesn't have to be confined to the opposite sex, and just because you love a man or a woman, that shouldn't make you defined as a certain label like straight or gay.
Josh and I just wanted to hear your points of view.
I certaintly do not strive for normality lol

 

[cjc3552]

You are very welcome njqt466 :biggrin1:

Does everywhere else have a high ratio of "straight" guys experimenting with other males?

 

[fortiesfun]

Fifty-plus years ago Kinsey established that MOST males are capable of responding sexually to both male and female "stimuli," whether or not they acted on it, and many (but not all) of them retained that ability into their adult years. That was the research finding that was clear. What was not clear then, and still isn't, was what individuals decided to do with that ability, and why. Some men never had homosexual relations during their life, even though they had both gay fantasies and were responsive when watching gay porn. Some experimented throughout their lives with both sexes. MOST gradually become more and more centered on one sex or the other, and more or less refined that choice over time.

Kinsey could find no pattern and no predictors of what one would do with bisexual responsiveness. In other words, if you are actively bisexual now no one knows what that might bring in the future. The variations are so numerous that there is basically no expectation.

Having said that, let me say that I am a "gayish" man who has been married for over 25 years, and found both the ability to have male-male sex, and to have heterosexual sex, be married, and raise a family simultaneously possible. You are not crazy, Italian, for thinking down the lines you are thinking. There may be a lot of people who think you should commit one way or another, but as long as you are choosing it consciously and not just repressing you homosexuality into a substitute of a marriage, you are easily within the bounds of normal behavior.

 

[ItalianShowOff]

Forties, you're awesome. I love your input. I've always dreamt about having a big family with a gorgeous and lovely wife, but I've also loved being in relationships with guys. It was just that age, around 16, in which I was conflicted over how i should feel. The prospect of 'all-sexual' is still pretty taboo in the US - people still believe you should be comitted to one sex and one sex only. If you enjoy having sex with girls but also have relations with guys, then you're labeled as gay. It's annoying as hell

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I grew up in New Jersey and there was no experimenting 'just to see'. If a guy experimented with another guy he was gay.

How would you know this?

 

[fortiesfun]

Forties, you're awesome.

You're awesome, too, but in quite another way. (What a gallery!) Hang in there, buddy and be who you want to be!

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Alone again, naturally.