Does this mean he's gay?

[Corius]

Based on my own experience I see something in his openness to the idea of a relationship with a male. I had three long term relationships with men and two with women (each about two years) before I settled down as a married man. Strangely, it was always in my mind that I would settle down with a woman even while I was enjoying a relationship with a man. I prefer to think of myself as being ambisexual rather than bisexual because I know that love with a man is as genuine as love with a woman.

We don't often think of the many ways in which our society plants expectations in us. Two of my male partners married and then discovered that they were not going to be able to continue in marriage; today, both are in discreet gay relationships.

My own thought would be that cultivating deep friendships with both males and females is the way to go. Even if there is no sex friendship is priceless.

 

[blooeyz]

In middle age, I've learned that quite a lot of men are Bi.
enjoy yourself, who ever you are and don't hurt other people

 

[blooeyz]

In middle age, I've learned that quite a lot of married men are Bi.
enjoy yourself, who ever you are and don't hurt other people

 

[LGX]

You know what? I feel the same way. I'm only 19 and I'm still going through puberty (late starter-hopfully my penis will grow more!). I feel sexually attracted to guys more. But only in a sexual way. I really can't see my self marrying one. I like girls a lot. But not as sexually attracted. I still get on on gal porn tho. However, I like girls more in a different way. I was walking to class and a girl said hi and smiled at me (I was dressed a bit differently that day-more upsclae) and I felt this strange googly feeling. I liked it. I don't know, there's just something about us having kids together that makes me want to marry a woman. It's my DNA in them.

Lately, however, I've been looking at more straight porn. I really like the presence of men in it. I guess because of the dominace. My sexuality is all over the place. I really like it when girls squirt too. Maybe part of the problem is that I grew up without a dad and have trouble determing/showing masculinty...

 

[sexplease]

no, it does not mean he is gay.

 

[LittleDicky]

ItalianShowOff:

You sound terribly conflicted...... On one hand you say you love Josh very much. On the other hand, you say you want to marry and have kids. And, if I understand you correctly, you seem to be saying that even if you marry, you don't think you can give up physical pleasure with men.

In my opinion, bi or gay isn't the issue. By all means, seek pleasure with whomever you want or need. But, Dude, no one can have it all. I think you are going to have to pick and choose, or you are going to cause yourself (and others) a lot of heartbreak and problems.

You are practically telling Josh -- or, at least, us -- that you are only staying with him "till something better comes along." And, that "something better" is going to be marriage to a woman. I am puzzled why he stays with you -- unless he is a confused as you are.

As has been previously alluded to, you seem to be attracted to the IMAGE of marriage because that is the "norm" that society has given us. But, your attraction to men seems overwhelming.

Would you go into a marriage (to a woman) actively planning not to give up other women? Without being judgmental, that's just wrong on so many levels. But, that is what you are saying: You are saying that you would NEED TO cheat on your wife with men.

Again, bi or gay is not the issue. I believe people can be thoroughly gratified by either sex. It doesn't have to be black or white. But, in the final analysis, you have to choose, or you are going to have a very complicated life.

Or, don't choose; just have sex with whoever you fancy at the moment. But, until you sort this out, give up the idea of marriage. In your heart of hearts, only you know how you feel.

Ask yourself this: If you had to choose only male or female for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?

Life is a trade-off. No one can have it all.

 

[cocktailweenie]

Until recently he would be considered bi, but nowadays more and more people would consider him normal.

 

[hot_topic90]

what is it with men and labels?

 

[220483]

If a male teen was going through puberty and has gay thoughts, and gets turned on by both guys and gals, but knows he wants to spend his life with a woman, does this mean he's gay?

absolutly NOT.. it just means he's growing. 'gayness' is part of life. everyone sometime in their life had a gay atraction, feeling or just curiosity. it's natural to have...
you can chose for pursuit it or just let go!

 

[Torque8]

As a str8 guy, I tend to walk around in a state of confusion. I get hit on but seldom at the co-ed guy that I frequent and then its generally a female. However, twice this week, two different guys I know at the gym have winked at me, not once but more than a few times. What bothers me so much is that I'd never wink in public unless it was a woman that I've been intimate with. Anyway, I've known both of these guys for over a year...small talk (never for more than a few minutes). Yesterday, one of them winked at me when I got off the treadmill and then extended his hand. As I attempted to dry my hand to shake his, he said: "Don't worry about that. What's a little sweat between friends." Four or five minutes later, he comes in the lockerroom as I'm drying off, and flips his towel at my ass, then puts his hand on my shoulder when I turn around and asks if I want to go get coffee with him at Starbucks. Luckily no one else was in the room. I'm a bit perplexed as I really don't know him that well and mentally was thinking: Buddy, if you need a friend so bad, go buy a dog.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

As a str8 guy, I tend to walk around in a state of confusion. I get hit on but seldom at the co-ed guy that I frequent and then its generally a female. However, twice this week, two different guys I know at the gym have winked at me, not once but more than a few times. What bothers me so much is that I'd never wink in public unless it was a woman that I've been intimate with. Anyway, I've known both of these guys for over a year...small talk (never for more than a few minutes). Yesterday, one of them winked at me when I got off the treadmill and then extended his hand. As I attempted to dry my hand to shake his, he said: "Don't worry about that. What's a little sweat between friends." Four or five minutes later, he comes in the lockerroom as I'm drying off, and flips his towel at my ass, then puts his hand on my shoulder when I turn around and asks if I want to go get coffee with him at Starbucks. Luckily no one else was in the room. I'm a bit perplexed as I really don't know him that well and mentally was thinking: Buddy, if you need a friend so bad, go buy a dog.

He was cruising you and flirting with you, and just wanted a date.

Either take him up on it and be happy, or say no thanks and just take it as a compliment that a guy finds you hot.

 

[DiscoBoy]

You're gay if you're attracted to men and you're straight if you're attracted to women. If you're attracted to both but want to marry a woman and have children, then you're a bisexual who wants to conform to social norms and avoid the complications of being in a homosexual relationship.

There's not much to it.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

You're gay if you're attracted to men and you're straight if you're attracted to women. If you're attracted to both but want to marry a woman and have children, then you're a bisexual who wants to conform to social norms and avoid the complications of being in a homosexual relationship.

There's not much to it.

There are bisexuals who fall in love with both genders, there are bisexuals who just fall in love with the opposite gender and it has nothing to do with wanting to conform to society or not wanting to be in a same gender relationship (after all you did not choose to be gay, so how did they choose not to be romantically attracted to the same gender but they are to the opposite gender?), and there are bisexuals who just fall in love with the same gender and not the opposite gender.

 

[bruce-e]

I agree with LittleDickie. You cannot have it all.

 

[DiscoBoy]

There are bisexuals who fall in love with both genders, there are bisexuals who just fall in love with the opposite gender and it has nothing to do with wanting to conform to society or not wanting to be in a same gender relationship (after all you did not choose to be gay, so how did they choose not to be romantically attracted to the same gender but they are to the opposite gender?), and there are bisexuals who just fall in love with the same gender and not the opposite gender.

I was specifically speaking about those bisexuals who are both physically and emotionally attracted to men and women but choose to have LTR with women.

Also, I tend to see people who are only emotionally attracted to someone of the opposite gender but are physically attracted to both genders, as heterosexuals who enjoy the tactile pleasure of having sex with one's own gender. If a man likes the feel of a dick in his ass but doesn't feel the desire to have a relationship with another man I just don't see them as homosexual or even bisexual. The labels in general are stupid.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

I was specifically speaking about those bisexuals who are both physically and emotionally attracted to men and women but choose to have LTR with women.

Also, I tend to see people who are only emotionally attracted to someone of the opposite gender but are physically attracted to both genders, as heterosexuals who enjoy the tactile pleasure of having sex with one's own gender. If a man likes the feel of a dick in his ass but doesn't feel the desire to have a relationship with another man I just don't see them as homosexual or even bisexual. The labels in general are stupid.

Well we don't pick who we fall in love with that's for sure.

Why should a bisexual who is attracted to both genders romantically go with men?

Would it help you accept their sexuality more? Would it help you to ignore the fact that they're into women sexually and romantically? Would it somehow help you personally validate their sexuality more because they are with a man and not a woman?

I have no qualms if someone is equally attracted to men and women and then winds up being in a relationship with a woman or decides that they do want a wife and kids as it is their life.

That's a rather silly and biphobic viewpoint to have about men who are bisexual yet are more sexually/romantically attracted to women and just have sex but not romance with men. Again I see nothing wrong with being like this.

Men like that are not heterosexual or straight at all even if you think that they are, or even if they claim that they are when they have at least a sexual attraction to both men and women.

That's just the closet speaking from their viewpoint and your viewpoint about them.

Someone's sexuality is more than just who they fall in love with. What about sexual attraction, sexual fantasies, or countless other factors?

Surely if in your viewpoint there are these "straight" men that somehow want and have sex with men, can transcend or stretch labels and get fucked in the ass by a man and not be bisexual or gay, why can't you yourself as a "gay" man enjoy the tactile pleasures of your penis, tongue, toys, or fingers/hand inside a woman's vagina, as well as enjoying sex with men?

I do agree how the sexual orientation labels are pointless, political, social constructs, and rather outdated which is why I don't use the sexual orientation percent on this site to describe myself since I don't fit into it.

ItalianShowOff-Look into open relationships.

They do happen and I know of men who are married to women and have kids and they have an open relationship where the wife knows that they have sex/relations with men and is OK with it.

There are also relationships where a man is married to a man and he's allowed to have sex/relations women and with men beside his husband.

None of these relationships are cheating since they are consensually open and agreed upon as such by the people who are in them.

 

[DiscoBoy]

Well we don't pick who we fall in love with that's for sure.

Why should a bisexual who is attracted to both genders romantically go with men?

Would it help you accept their sexuality more? Would it help you to ignore the fact that they're into women sexually and romantically? Would it somehow help you personally validate their sexuality more because they are with a man and not a woman?

I merely said that a person who is both attracted to males and females (physically and emotionally) but chooses to have LTR ONLY with a person of the opposite gender is just choosing to conform to social norms. For example, I have a female bisexual friend who is attracted both physically and emotionally to men AND women. Despite this, she always says she would never marry a woman because life is simpler in a heterosexual relationship.

I have no qualms if someone is equally attracted to men and women and then winds up being in a relationship with a woman or decides that they do want a wife and kids as it is their life.

I haven't said I have any problem with people who feel this way. You're making it seem as if I'm trying to create some sort of gay agenda. I never specifically said bisexual MEN, I've been saying people this whole time.

That's a rather silly and biphobic viewpoint to have about men who are bisexual yet are more sexually/romantically attracted to women and just have sex but not romance with men. Again I see nothing wrong with being like this.

You continuously assume I hold some kind of grudge against bisexuals who choose to have a relationship with a person of the opposite gender. I do not, and I was only pointing out a trend I've noticed.

Men like that are not heterosexual or straight at all even if you think that they are, or even if they claim that they are when they have at least a sexual attraction to both men and women.

That's just the closet speaking from their viewpoint and your viewpoint about them.

Someone's sexuality is more than just who they fall in love with. What about sexual attraction, sexual fantasies, or countless other factors?

I do agree with you here though and must retract my prior statement. I'm sorry for making the assumption. Also, I've heard of the term pansexual to describe those who ignore gender and can be romantically linked with a person of any gender.

Surely if in your viewpoint there are these "straight" men that somehow want and have sex with men, can transcend or stretch labels and get fucked in the ass by a man and not be bisexual or gay, why can't you yourself as a "gay" man enjoy the tactile pleasures of your penis, tongue, toys, or fingers/hand inside a woman's vagina, as well as enjoying sex with men?

I'm sure I could and probably would enjoy the tactile pleasure of being with a woman, but I simply don't have a desire for it. I don't think that makes me any less gay though.

 

[B_lrgeggs]

Forties, you're awesome. I love your input. I've always dreamt about having a big family with a gorgeous and lovely wife, but I've also loved being in relationships with guys. It was just that age, around 16, in which I was conflicted over how i should feel. The prospect of 'all-sexual' is still pretty taboo in the US - people still believe you should be comitted to one sex and one sex only. If you enjoy having sex with girls but also have relations with guys, then you're labeled as gay. It's annoying as hell

For me the conflictcame around 12-13..but Icertainly can relate

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

Sexual thoughts and feelings during the teen years are probably just a phase but I enjoyed sexual relations with women while being attracted to men for years thereafter. Through the past 20 years the balance just seems to tilt more toward men and I know that I won't be truly happy without a man.

Wanting to have children does not necessarily mean that they need to be biologically mine (although that is certainly possible) while being in an exclusive M/M relationship and knowing that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

 

[invisibleman]

Imagine if there weren't any homophobia, the majority of men's psyche issues are eliminated right there.