Does your dad care about you?
- Thread starter B_HungSpermBoy
- Start date
Let me tell some things from someone who's been raised by his dad after the death of my mother.
Above all, he always cared about me in some way. He has a pretty old-fashioned attitude about paternity and about what it means being a man (your role in a relationship, responsibility, manners, appearance), which he taught me and which I copied mostly, soaked it up since year six of my existence. And even today, I am grateful for the things he taught me, and don't regret anything about them. In fact I found out that the majority of women isn't only fine with it, but outrightly appreciates them.
In sexual things, he has been somthing like a mentor for me. He gave me very useful advice for my first date, my First Time, relationships in general. Since his endowment has about the size of mine, there was also no problem copying some positions and techniques that he has found out over the years and passed them on to me, so I could make best use of mine with a little practice. Hey, it sounds silly, but after the first few times I had sex, we regularly had "de-briefings", with some critcism and so on... nothing serious, but I learned quickly that way. Talking about sex has never been a taboo around our house.
Physically, he took care that I did my share of sports to keep me fit and in the physical shape that - in his opinion - a man should have to appear as a leading character. We did most of our jogging together, plus I was working out with a boxing club (never got over some local fights though) and was playing football in high school.
He even played an important role in the relationship with my current l/f, since - as he later admitted - he "pimped" me to her by placing my seating card next to hers at the dinner table for his 50th birthday (which is where I met her).
I'd say we have had (and still have) the best possible relationship.
Bruce
Above all, he always cared about me in some way. He has a pretty old-fashioned attitude about paternity and about what it means being a man (your role in a relationship, responsibility, manners, appearance), which he taught me and which I copied mostly, soaked it up since year six of my existence. And even today, I am grateful for the things he taught me, and don't regret anything about them. In fact I found out that the majority of women isn't only fine with it, but outrightly appreciates them.
In sexual things, he has been somthing like a mentor for me. He gave me very useful advice for my first date, my First Time, relationships in general. Since his endowment has about the size of mine, there was also no problem copying some positions and techniques that he has found out over the years and passed them on to me, so I could make best use of mine with a little practice. Hey, it sounds silly, but after the first few times I had sex, we regularly had "de-briefings", with some critcism and so on... nothing serious, but I learned quickly that way. Talking about sex has never been a taboo around our house.
Physically, he took care that I did my share of sports to keep me fit and in the physical shape that - in his opinion - a man should have to appear as a leading character. We did most of our jogging together, plus I was working out with a boxing club (never got over some local fights though) and was playing football in high school.
He even played an important role in the relationship with my current l/f, since - as he later admitted - he "pimped" me to her by placing my seating card next to hers at the dinner table for his 50th birthday (which is where I met her).
I'd say we have had (and still have) the best possible relationship.
Bruce
Wow BruceSter, your father certainly sounds wonderful as well, someone I would think a lot of guys here had while growing up, myself included. As most of you know my father left just after I was born, so I never knew him, but, because of my mom, I hasn't been something I thought hurt me, as I think I turned out ok 
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2004
- Posts
- 5,842
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 2,611
- Points
- 333
- Location
- Memphis (Tennessee, United States)
- Gender
- Male
Wow, as a father, what you wrote really touched me. Gosh, I hope my sons can write something similar. Sorry you lost your mom at such a young age. But then again your dad sounds like the father of the year. He appears to have also in his own way mothered you. NOt being a sissy. I mean give the emotional support a mother would give. Very few boys have as strong an emotional tie to their dads as you do. They are more likely to share intimate things with mom even as teenagers.
Do be sure that your dad knows how you feel about him. We never know when our last chance to do that will be. If you were my son, there would be nothing you could give me that would mean more than a copy of what you wrote. There is not enough money in China that would mean more than that.
You are a great guy. I know your father is proud of you. And somewhere your mom is looking down and very proud of her son.
I've noticed this thread several times and knew that one day I would post to it, but thought each time that I would have more time later. After reading some of the posts, especially Bruce's, this is the time.
My Dad died when he was 94, in 1994. I have never known another person, man or woman, who was considered a better person by everyone who knew him. I think during his 94 years he never made an enemy or was inconsiderate to anyone. I never heard him say a curse word or anything negative about another person. My Mother died at 86 in 1990.
But, unlike Bruce's Dad, Daddy wasn't communicative with me and we didn't have that 'warm' feeling between us. He and Mother were ultra Puritanical and the word "sex" nor the subject were never spoken. I recall only one time that they kissed on the cheek and I never saw them hold each other.
Daddy spent most of his time working and was home in the late afternoons and nights through the week and on Sundays. He didn't work on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. I never knew them to take a vacation until after I had my own family. I attribute that to their having lived through the depression and knowing what it was like to actually need necessities.
What I learned about sex was from my friends I ran with after school. I never felt free to mention sex or any problems to Dad. I would have been too embarrassed. He was the provider and the moral role model for me to follow. I learned to love and appreciate him for those qualities. I revved up the courage once to ask him how he got the nick name "Dick", since nothing about his name would lend itself to that moniker. He explained that once when a group of boys went to the swimming hole, they decided to give everyone a nick name and he was the last one to get one. One of the guys asked what they should call him and one said, "let call him Dick". It stuck and everyone, including my Mother, never called him anything different or referred to him any other way for the rest of his
life. Once I accidently saw his flaccid and I suspect I know why the guy suggested that nick.
I think Bruce is extremely fortunate to have the Father he has and believe it shows in his personality and character, but, although reserved and a bit non-communicative, I'm thankful for the parents I had and cannot feature having had any other.
BTW, my son, and I discuss all subjects and I like to think our relationship is similar to that of Bruce and his Dad.
Luke
My Dad died when he was 94, in 1994. I have never known another person, man or woman, who was considered a better person by everyone who knew him. I think during his 94 years he never made an enemy or was inconsiderate to anyone. I never heard him say a curse word or anything negative about another person. My Mother died at 86 in 1990.
But, unlike Bruce's Dad, Daddy wasn't communicative with me and we didn't have that 'warm' feeling between us. He and Mother were ultra Puritanical and the word "sex" nor the subject were never spoken. I recall only one time that they kissed on the cheek and I never saw them hold each other.
Daddy spent most of his time working and was home in the late afternoons and nights through the week and on Sundays. He didn't work on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. I never knew them to take a vacation until after I had my own family. I attribute that to their having lived through the depression and knowing what it was like to actually need necessities.
What I learned about sex was from my friends I ran with after school. I never felt free to mention sex or any problems to Dad. I would have been too embarrassed. He was the provider and the moral role model for me to follow. I learned to love and appreciate him for those qualities. I revved up the courage once to ask him how he got the nick name "Dick", since nothing about his name would lend itself to that moniker. He explained that once when a group of boys went to the swimming hole, they decided to give everyone a nick name and he was the last one to get one. One of the guys asked what they should call him and one said, "let call him Dick". It stuck and everyone, including my Mother, never called him anything different or referred to him any other way for the rest of his
life. Once I accidently saw his flaccid and I suspect I know why the guy suggested that nick.
I think Bruce is extremely fortunate to have the Father he has and believe it shows in his personality and character, but, although reserved and a bit non-communicative, I'm thankful for the parents I had and cannot feature having had any other.
BTW, my son, and I discuss all subjects and I like to think our relationship is similar to that of Bruce and his Dad.
Luke
My dad was an abusive drunk who twice tried to kill my mother (maybe more, I was there for two times) and shot at me once. The four kids in the family were physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. Our life was a living hell, and I was glad to get out of the house and left as soon as I could and never went back.
Then, when Dad was in his sixties, he finally got some help. He was jailed, for the umpteenth time, and was visited by men from the church that my mother and I attended. When he was released from jail, he went home, and he never drank again. He spent the rest of his life apologizing to me, mom, and my two sisters and brother and begging for us to forgive him and doing all he could to make it up to us. I wish I had had that Dad when I was growing up. It is really like he was two completely different people. I hated the man I grew up with, but I learned, after lots of time, to love Dad as he was after the transformation. He died at age 66, and I miss the Dad that changed, but I was glad to see the abuser die. My emotions were really conflicted when he died. They are still conflicted somewhat.
My dad was an abusive drunk who twice tried to kill my mother (maybe more, I was there for two times) and shot at me once. The four kids in the family were physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. Our life was a living hell, and I was glad to get out of the house and left as soon as I could and never went back.
Then, when Dad was in his sixties, he finally got some help. He was jailed, for the umpteenth time, and was visited by men from the church that my mother and I attended. When he was released from jail, he went home, and he never drank again. He spent the rest of his life apologizing to me, mom, and my two sisters and brother and begging for us to forgive him and doing all he could to make it up to us. I wish I had had that Dad when I was growing up. It is really like he was two completely different people. I hated the man I grew up with, but I learned, after lots of time, to love Dad as he was after the transformation. He died at age 66, and I miss the Dad that changed, but I was glad to see the abuser die. My emotions were really conflicted when he died. They are still conflicted somewhat.
[post=315328]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]Hell, as long as I have said this much, I might as well say the rest. One of my regrets is that about one week before Dad died, he was barely concious, and I was visiting him. He asked me if I could forgive him. I said nothing and left the room. He died shortly after that, and I never forgave him. After a long time, I can live with it, but for a long time, I felt I was the lesser man for failing to forgive him. Again, it is difficult, because it is like he was two people. I could not forgive those abusive years. Someday I will see him again and I will ask him to forgive the son who could not forgive him.
I keep reading the posts to my topic & each time I find something new that someone has written. It's pretty cool all the different feelings and ideas people have about their dads. I think that the kind of relationship we have with our moms & dads tells how we'll do with our girlfriends and guy friends. This is my take on this. That if we have a good relationship with our moms, then we'll have the same kind with our girl friends. And maybe if we don't get along well with our dads, then we won't have good friendhips with other guys. I know it's hard for me to trust guys. More of my thoughts tonight.
headbang8
Admired Member
- Joined
- May 15, 2004
- Posts
- 1,628
- Media
- 12
- Likes
- 821
- Points
- 333
- Location
- Munich (Bavaria, Germany)
- Sexuality
- 80% Gay, 20% Straight
- Gender
- Male
You just made a very good point, HSB. I think the relationship we have with our fathers creates the foundation of how we will relate to other men as adults.
[post=316394]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote] Flash of recognition. My guy often reminds me of my father. The good bits, I hasten to add. He's the absolute life of the party, but that's becaue he's secretly nervous. He's really quite shy, as my father was. An ardent homebody. Stubbornly cheap but occasionally silly-generous. Both could/can sleep anywhere, any time. And their birthdays are within a couple of days of each other.
It was fate, I guess.
You might be right about that, but even though - I don't know why some guy should have a stronger tie regarding intimate things to their mom. Okay, having none, I think I'm not qualified to talk about this, but to me, it seems more natural to discuss intimate things with a male relative. When I was younger, I was less shy around my Dad than around women/girls (Okay, nothing about having an attractive female Doctor examine Roddy).
Bruce
You might be right about that, but even though - I don't know why some guy should have a stronger tie regarding intimate things to their mom. Okay, having none, I think I'm not qualified to talk about this, but to me, it seems more natural to discuss intimate things with a male relative. When I was younger, I was less shy around my Dad than around women/girls (Okay, nothing about having an attractive female Doctor examine Roddy).
Bruce
[post=316519]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]Well Bruce, for me, it's simple, no dad, so mom was there for everything, and had turned into the best friend I could ever ask for. It's not always so cut and dry that fathers get along with their sons more than they would get along with their mothers.
- db03,
Well Bruce, for me, it's simple, no dad, so mom was there for everything, and had turned into the best friend I could ever ask for. It's not always so cut and dry that fathers get along with their sons more than they would get along with their mothers.
[post=316650]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]I agree.
Have I just learned a tidbit? Lets see -- what could a doctor be examining? Could she, by any chance, be a urologist?
Luke
[post=316895]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]I'd let any female doctor examine it just for the fun of hers - just kidding. But, well, there are female doctors who at times get to see dicks, not necessarily urologists.
Bruce
Ha ha - well, a little story there's to tell. I name my dick Roddy because I once on-and-off dated a girl who was working at a kindergarten, and she told me my dick reminds her of a picture book character named Kanga-Roddy (who was supposed to be a kangaroo), and because of its length, thickness and quickly reaching its readiness-for-action state she named him (don't like referring to my dick as an "it") Roddy. That's where it comes from, and I just kept on using that name.
Bruce
Ha ha - well, a little story there's to tell. I name my dick Roddy because I once on-and-off dated a girl who was working at a kindergarten, and she told me my dick reminds her of a picture book character named Kanga-Roddy (who was supposed to be a kangaroo), and because of its length, thickness and quickly reaching its readiness-for-action state she named him (don't like referring to my dick as an "it") Roddy. That's where it comes from, and I just kept on using that name.
Bruce
[post=317570]Quoted post[/post]
[/b][/quote]One of the 'sides' of you is shining through, Bruce :excl: This is the side that's reliable for requested information and being an open book for inquisitive minds. And, yes, being so well hung, HE certainly deserves a proper name. The qualities you list are indicative of an extraordinary appendage and the naming seems to have come from one well aware of them. Thanks for the glowing introduction.
Luke
I am a dad, a grandpa, and I was an abused son. I got over that part.
Your dad's distance is a sign of how he feels about himself more than how he feels about you. He abandoned you, buddy. That's why you feel so shitty. What that means is he is NEVER going to give you the acceptance you hope for. He is only capable of giving what he can, and that might be rather little. You have to be willing to put some of your acceptance stuff aside, and accept any good thing from him as a gift, and a pleasant surprise.
So, what to do...
Look in the mirror and realize what a great guy you are. You have great things your dad gave you, taught you, and inherited from him. You also got some crap. If you can, let go of the crap, don't do the blame thing, and just forgive him for being stupid, careless and noncommunicative, and YOU take the higher road, reach out, shake his hand (or hug him, which ever works) tell him thanks for the good things he gave you, and you will be amazed at how empowering all that is.
You try to do the things he didn't do, but wish he did, and give them back to him. Your mom will come back with resounding praises for you that your dad said.
Give yourself the acceptance your dad couldnt' give, and be healthy, so you don't have to feel as crappy as he does all the time. A zombie is not a happy entity.
I've walked this road buddy. I'm going to be 50 this year, and I know every inch of it. My dad is dying as I write this. He's still an old fart, but I made peace with him, and he's a hell of a guy
All the best.
Your dad's distance is a sign of how he feels about himself more than how he feels about you. He abandoned you, buddy. That's why you feel so shitty. What that means is he is NEVER going to give you the acceptance you hope for. He is only capable of giving what he can, and that might be rather little. You have to be willing to put some of your acceptance stuff aside, and accept any good thing from him as a gift, and a pleasant surprise.
So, what to do...
Look in the mirror and realize what a great guy you are. You have great things your dad gave you, taught you, and inherited from him. You also got some crap. If you can, let go of the crap, don't do the blame thing, and just forgive him for being stupid, careless and noncommunicative, and YOU take the higher road, reach out, shake his hand (or hug him, which ever works) tell him thanks for the good things he gave you, and you will be amazed at how empowering all that is.
You try to do the things he didn't do, but wish he did, and give them back to him. Your mom will come back with resounding praises for you that your dad said.
Give yourself the acceptance your dad couldnt' give, and be healthy, so you don't have to feel as crappy as he does all the time. A zombie is not a happy entity.
I've walked this road buddy. I'm going to be 50 this year, and I know every inch of it. My dad is dying as I write this. He's still an old fart, but I made peace with him, and he's a hell of a guy
All the best.
Similar threads
