Does your family know that you are bisexual or a swinger?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_willy5904, Dec 29, 2010.

  1. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    When I was in college the big confession that kids made to there parents was that they were gay or lesbians. Over the past 30 years the acceptance of the gay and lesbian lifestyle has become more accepted. Today it is common to come across high school kids that attend the school where my sons graduated from in Texas to be openly homosexual in high school. Yes, I understand coming out can be a very hard, and I do not intend to diminish that, I am just suggesting that being homosexual is more excepted today than ever before.

    Yet as society has become more open, other sexual lifestyles have not gained the acceptance they deserve.

    Do your parents or family members know that you are bisexual, a swinger, or some participate is some alternative sexual lifestyle?

    My parents found out that my wife and I were swingers and bisexual when we had been together for about 5 years. They had come over to our home unannounced and found my wife and I having sex pool side with two others couples that we swing with. The next weekend at the family dinner my mother brought it up in conversation during the dessert.

    My MIL found out during an all girls vacation weekend with my wife and sister in law about 10 years after we were married. I assume my MIL shared the information with my Father in Law shortly afterwards.

    Share your experiences with us...
     
    #1 B_willy5904, Dec 29, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2010
  2. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    I did not confess willingly so to speak. I had a psychological reaction to a bodybuilding supplement I was taking. I got extremely delusional and paranoid. I confessed to my parents and brother that I was bisexual. No one talks about it to this day. that was 10 years ago.
     
  3. avengoid1

    avengoid1 Member

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    What bodybuilding supps induce psychosis?
     
  4. nudeyorker

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    My mother and step father invented the concept of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." when I told them. My father on the other had was very open and wanted to discuss it more often and in more detail than I did.
     
  5. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    It was called Amino Fuel. I had the genetic potential for a mental illness and that triggered it. I keep my illness in remission with medication.
     
  6. NEWREBA

    NEWREBA New Member

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    I think there are many differences in the the various types of sexual and relationship descriptions you talk about. For instance, I consider myself bisexual with some women I've known but I wouldn't be interested in a "swingers" life style in that I don't really like having sex with people I don't feel emotionally close to. I also think there's a difference between a person's orientation and how they live their lives. Just because some people are bisexual, doesn't mean that they are also sexually active with more than one person at the time; or that they enjoy casual sex. I think you're talking about many different issues in your post. BTW my parents know that I've had women lovers. They just think it's normal for me.
     
  7. B_bi_mmf

    B_bi_mmf New Member

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    Neither my family nor my wife's family has the slightest idea that we have had an open marriage, several MMF experiences, and lived in an MMF menage for three years (we were supposedly sharing a house with our friend to save money).

    Some day I would like to come clean with our children about our past and about my bisexuality. But my wife is opposed to doing that, so I honor her wishes.
     
  8. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Yeh, my parents and close friends know that I've been intimate with both girls and guys, although there seems to be some disbelief on some people's parts because I don't seem to fit some preconception of a bisexual or poly-amorous person. For some reason telling the truth doesn't always mean that others will believe you.
     
  9. HappyBoi

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    I'd be willing to help out if you want to show them! ;) The opportunity was open, I had to! Sorry. :tongue:
     
  10. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    I did not mean to suggest that being bisexual and swinging are at all related. Yes, I am bisexual and I am a swinger, but I do realize that being both puts me firmly in a minority on this site.

    And yes I have mixed orientations and lifestyles in my description. What I am trying to get to does your family know about who you are, and how you behave, if you consider yourself outside of the sexual mainstream. As a bisexual, I am definitely outside of the mainstream, even on this forum members argue if bisexuality is a lifestyle or orientation. And as far as this thread goes I am outside of the mainstream 2 times as I am also a swinger.

    I agree with you that I prefer to have sex with people I am emotional connection with. Just because I am a swinger does not mean I have sex with anyone. My wife and I have been sharing our lives and bed with the same 3 couples since we were all in college. The sex is great, but deep personal relationships we have with these couples is why they have lasted the test of time.
     
  11. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    Our children, and those of the couples we share our lives with, are now adults in their mid-twenties. As they were growing up we never denied or hide our sexual orientation or lifestyle choices from our kids. My kids saw the men and women in our group involved in very deep and significant relationships with each other. In our homes in would not have been unusual to see men and women from other "legal" couples publicly displaying their affection for each other. My kids frequently saw my wife and I hugging, holding, and kissing the women and men that we share our lives with.

    I was raised by my parents to understand that sexual orientation was natural and that homosexuality was how a person was born, not a choice that they made. My children were raised the same way, but they also believe that bisexuality is an accepted sexual orientation.

    As our children moved into adolescence they began to realize that we also shared our beds with our friends. Each of them during their teenage years had asked my wife and I about our friends spending the night in our room. My wife and I were open and honest with our kids inquiries and explained that complete nature of our relationships that we had with our friends.
     
  12. B_willy5904

    B_willy5904 New Member

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    When my mother dropped this bomb during dinner one of the couples share our lives with was present. An interesting conversation started that lasted for a couple of hours. My wives, (I really consider myself to have 4 wives and 3 husbands, even if legally I am only married to one woman) started to explain how our lifestyle was not about the sex, but about the relationships that the had with each other.

    My Dad was very interested in this idea of these deep interpersonal relationships. I think the reason for this was that my Dad is from different era, where men did not have deep meaningful relationships with each other. He had friends he golfed and hunted with, but he would have never shared his most private and intimate thoughts and feelings with them. The only person that he had anything close to that type of relationship with was my mother. So he was fascinated to hear about our relationships.

    My mother on the other hand had deep relationships with many of her friends. What she was interested in was hearing about the sex, the sharing, and the mechanics of it all.

    Overall I think the four of us were much more comfortable discussing the relationships than the sex with my parents.
     
  13. B_prettyswinggirl

    B_prettyswinggirl New Member

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    My family as no idea about my lifestyle and probably wouldn't accept it if they knew. I have my vanilla friends and my play friends and though they may have met each other, the vanilla friends are kept in the dark for good reason. I live in the bible belt of the US and have a professional lifestyle. Not a good combo for coming out.
     
  14. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    It has been "Don't Ask Don't Tell" at my parent's household for decades. They don't ask me about my sex life when I visit them and I don't tell them about it.:wink:
     
  15. D_Edwin Eatser

    D_Edwin Eatser New Member

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    Brother knows my wife and I are keen swingers; i told him years ago when we were discussing sex with our women. Wife's two adult sons know, one of them found some of our foursome pics. We're not ashamed to be known as swingers, but we don't discuss the details; for example none of them know we're both bi. None of them live with us anyway; we might feel differently about them knowing if we did.
     
  16. Justins_Thick84

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    At this point, it's pretty much limited to a handful of people I know either online only, and my workout buddy (whom I met on connexion). A few hookups from my past know as well, but no one in my regular day-to-day life.

    From the number of times my mom has reminded me that she's not going to pressure me to date or get married, I'm pretty sure they suspect something.

    Never really been that interested in "coming out" about being bi - as it stands now, I'm not dating anyone nor am I looking to change that, and open relationships/swinging just aren't in my DNA (no disrespect to anyone who has that lifestyle), so I'd either be dating just a man or just a woman.
     
  17. silvertriumph2

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    I too, was brought up in a very conservative and fundamental area of the US where sex was never mentioned nor discussed,
    inside or outside of the family. Closeness, or any public displays
    of affection were just never shown...except between mothers
    and their children. Of course everyone seemed to know that sex
    was wicked and of the devil's doing, and a taboo subject.

    If my parents ever kissed, it was done privately behind closed
    doors and out of sight, but I always knew that they loved each
    other very much. It was something that we just knew, even
    though we never saw it in a physical way, nor did we hear words
    of endearment such as Dear, Honey, etc. All families seemed to
    have many children, so something was going on behind those
    closed doors!

    I have been sexually active since a small child and have known that I was a BI, even before I knew there was a name for it. I
    have never discussed it with any member of my family, however,
    I do believe that my mother guessed prior to her death....or
    maybe she always knew.

    I have always been a one-at-a-time person and monogomous
    with each when I was with them. My mother was always
    receptive to all my male and female friends when I was growing
    up, even though she knew we were sexually active, and treated
    them with love and respect as "my friends"...never mentioning
    anything that would make me believe she was disappointed with
    me...or that she knew....but I always felt she did know. She
    loved my wife and our son, and later a limited respect, but with a
    sincere warmness, my living in an unmarried state with a girlfriend with whom I also had a son. For sometime before she
    died, she visited me many times here in NYC and there was no
    way that she did not know that I was in a LTR with a man, who
    she always called "her other son."

    I never discussed with my wife or female ex's, nor with my sons, my sexuality Except for a very few, it is not known...or if they
    know or guessed, they have not seen fit to let me know.
    I prefer to keep it that way.
     
    #17 silvertriumph2, Dec 31, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2010
  18. poultrygeist

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    My parents don't know. Not really afraid of them knowing, but have no need to bring it up. My wife and I are both predominantly gay/lesbian and are also looking for regular friends with benefits. I know the time may come where this is discovered by them, so I'm already prepared for it if either her parents or mine bring that subject up or find out.
     
  19. rbkwp

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    Share your experiences with us...

    Love your Positivity ..

    Born in an era when things of such were best left unspoken.
    Then it came about as to what was obvious by my choices, what i Preferred.
    Did not feel a need to explain? myself to Whanau (Family in Maori)
    Came about that this ended up to be the better course, overall
    Several members of my Whanau in conversation over latter years
    expressed they would have been embarrased re Sexuality talk .. back then.
    NOT because it was talk of such just that it was being spoken about
    Mum & Dad passed away. without me feeling the need to 'let them know'
    They Knew, (and respectfully kept mum, as they say)
    made it easier for me on reflection.
    give them and all Adults some credit
    enz

    I know i am Bi,but adopted the H as its a fraction more obvious.
    considering Sexuality is only one component in life
    it can be a Major Fck up one, for some huh?
    different today of course, natural progression of Society
    and all for the Good. as you intimate OP
    THANKS for the Positive thread lpsg (rare)
    and a HAPPY NEW YEAR, to you 2.
     
  20. D_Everette Hunglungfish

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    Hell no!

    Obviously my parents know "stuff" but they don't need confirmation or details.
     
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