People need to stop blaming menopause for a woman's decreased libido.
My wife had her last period well over a year ago and her libido has shot through the roof. Not only do we have sex every day and sometimes twice a day, but I have allowed (actually, encouraged) her to become a "hotwife" and take on other lovers. She has a regular who she sees every 3 or 4 weeks and is working on another guy who she expects to bed within the month.
Really. Stop.blaming.menopause.
and people need to stop blaming pregnancy for morning sickness, because a friend of mine didn't vomit once but another friend vomited because of food poisoning.People need to stop blaming menopause for a woman's decreased libido.
and people need to stop blaming pregnancy for morning sickness, because a friend of mine didn't vomit once but another friend vomited because of food poisoning.
...or is that flawed logic?
If these are the facts of your relationship and her behaviour, then a lot of the opinions being offered are interesting, but not relevant to you and your wife. If I am reading you correctly, your wife has lacked passion and sex drive for some time and now wants an asexual relationship.
This is not unnatural but what gets to me when I read these things (and the issue arises a lot on this board) is that these decisions are so often made unilaterally. Then we have people saying, oh talk to her. Suddenly it's your responsibility. How about her responsibility to consider what her decision might mean for her partner. For me, it reads like, I have made my decision and there is nothing to discuss. Well, what about me, the poor husband, what if I define part of myself through my sexuality, where are you leaving me, does that even cross your mind?
Will you ask her if she now minds if you have discreet sex outside your marriage?
She already doesnt want him. Whats the difference?Yes, because cheating will certainly make her want him more!
Anyway...
Women are very emotionally-driven creatures. In my personal experience, when I didn't want to have sex with my boyfriend, it was usually because I was angry at him for something. Built-up resentment, general unhappiness in the relationship, distrust, etc. So that's my guess.
Exactly. I meant to move on..I missed the part where he said "cheat on her".
I'm referring to long term couples. People who have been together for 15-30 years. Been through the good and the bad. Love each other.
Yes, talk about it. We don't know whats going on in a couples life, but the poster does. I don't know many other ways to tackle a problem between two people.
hormones are tough. you don't always realise you've changed. from the inside it feels like it's the rest of the world is moving in an unfair and inexplicable way. hormones around your brain change your perceptions as well as your reactions.I agree. Why didn't she go to him then and say that she is going through changes, experiencing different feelings etc and ask him to bear with her and support her?.
hormones are tough. you don't always realise you've changed. from the inside it feels like it's the rest of the world is moving in an unfair and inexplicable way. hormones around your brain change your perceptions as well as your reactions.
i'm saying that her perceptions of sex and sexuality may be that her position is more reasonable than his. she may not be able to remember the feeling of desire because that part of her brain has switched off.Do you think that the lady in this case doesn't realise that she has changed, or rather moved even further away from sexual desire for her husband? Are you saying that some women at some points in their lives have no control over their rational consciousness?
i'm saying that her perceptions of sex and sexuality may be that her position is more reasonable than his. she may not be able to remember the feeling of desire because that part of her brain has switched off.
i already posted my thoughts earlier in the thread.So, discussing it would be complex. What advice would you give this guy?
regards the problem:
i've no idea. sometimes there is no solution. sometimes there is no action you can take that is fair on you both. sometimes the only way forward is for one of you to suffer.
that's a very simplistic take on suffering.Yes, those comments caught my eye. I'm not sure why one person should suffer. If sex doesn't exist in her brain, why would she care if he went elsewhere to enjoy his needs. The downside is that he may decide to leave. Does anyone want him to suffer for something that is irrelevant to her?
that's a very simplistic take on suffering.
needing to go elsewhere because she is not enough, feelings of betrayal, humiliation, etc. it might not seem logical to you but it could still cause great suffering to her.