Doesn't like cock

Drifterwood

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I have been the third party on more than one occasion and I have seen friends and family take the various routes.

I see a difference between what she may feel and what she has given him no choice but to feel. But then I have consistently maintained that not talking about it is a genuine option which would to a degree save her feelings if he does still need sex on what may be several levels.
 

Drifterwood

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I thought that we were talking about choices.

I don't consider her frigid btw. It's one of those words with too much baggage.

Anyway - I have to finish off Sunday Lunch preparation - a man's work is never done.
 

dolfette

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I thought that we were talking about choices.

I don't consider her frigid btw. It's one of those words with too much baggage.

Anyway - I have to finish off Sunday Lunch preparation - a man's work is never done.
i've been self describing as frigid for years!
been frigid my whole life until just under 6 weeks ago.

she's not into sex. i consider her frigid.

-i just had chocolate for lunch. oh the joys of an empty house!
 

D_Dick_S_Lapp

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Don't mean to sound like an ass but this doesn't sound even close to fair. Now i'm not saying the guy should go out cheating on his wife but suffering is suffering. Others have said that they should seek counseling and that sounds like a much better idea. If the husband is and will continue to suffer indefinitely then the only other outcomes will be him ending up cheating out biology or ending the relationship.

The fact that he feels he's getting pity sex will grade on his own sense of self worth and sooner or later, no matter if he is currently a good guy or not, the shit will hit the fan. Not saying that sex is the end all be all in a relationship with a guy but it is pretty damn important. Long story short. Her suffering will cause his suffering which in turn makes the relationship suffer. And with out help their relationship is doomed to statistics.
 

rayray

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A few months ago, my wife told me she didn't like to touch my cock, the pleasure center of mankind. Her libido suffers from menopause, but the fact she isn't interested in touching me is difficult on the psyche. Before menopause she was much the same way. We have sex about once a week, but she's just not passionate any more. Feels a little like "mercy sex". Never any oral sex from her either though she enjoys it from me. I shower every day, keep trimmed/groomed, and am height/weight proportionate.

I know women aren't visual creatures on the whole, but would anyone else offer an opinion about how normal this is for a woman not to be interested in stimulating her man?
Does anyone know if most women get their libido back after menopause? It's been about four years so far.
larrsperson,{quote}_________________________________________________ i have gone back and read some of your other posts.First off i would not take the lack of interest your wife shows you..For her to out right tell you she did not like to touch your cock..Is that exactly what she said or in so many words did it come out of a conversation? I read that you haven't had a BJ in 36 years..To me that's a indication she has never been very sexually and now you feel like when you do have sex it's "mercy sex"..I also read that she always lacked communication when it came to sex.I do know Menopause can be very hard on a woman with night sweats, vaginal dryness and of course you know losing interest..You 2 got to open up to each other and talk about the problem know matter how hard it is to do..You are obviously torn about it..One more thing i read that you wrote was she was a wonderful wife, so i know that you love her.Does she know that you have had encounters with men or ever suspect you have ? Your never going to know unless you start to talk about it.There have been quite of few good suggestions from others in this thread..If your having a problem about talking about it maybe on the 1 day of what you call mercy sex you should roll off her and say honey i just can't do this anymore if you are not enjoying it can we talk about why you have lost interest, put the ball in her court, get her to talk about her feelings..I know what it is to lose interest due to illness that gave me permanent ED. Thank God i am not in a relationship now..I still do yearn for closeness and the love of someone. I wish you luck with your situation.....
 

Mumzi

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Post partum women have taken the lives of their children and themselves.
Hormonal depression....if you will.


Do you think that the lady in this case doesn't realise that she has changed, or rather moved even further away from sexual desire for her husband? Are you saying that some women at some points in their lives have no control over their rational consciousness?
 

dolfette

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Then they need secure medical treatment in such circumstances for everyone's benefit.
the other part of my original post,
regards doctors & hormones:

they've, after trying dozens of brands and types, to offer be a hormonal birth control that doesn't make me hate sex. and they've been working on those for a hell of a lot longer than hrt.

they often don't fix the problem, they always carry the risk of causing quite serious or even fatal health problems.

the assumption that taking these things is easy, obvious and obligatory irks me a little.
antidepressants are the same sort of hit & miss, trial & error, unpleasant side effects deal. and almost all of them kill libido in most people.
 

Mumzi

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I think many of the female responses are directed toward a long term relationship,marriage .
For 2 people to be together for 36 years, chances are they love each other. Marriage is still a promise to your partner and in that promise is the knowledge of good or bad .
Unless you've written and agree to a different type of marriage.

Men can develop severe lack of desire. Sometimes it is lack of testosterone. Not all men can take testosterone. Would depend on any health risks. Men with hypertension and diabetics can suffer ED.
So if the shoe is on the other foot, does she walk?

I would hope that a woman with low sex drive could still be affectionate. She can still use her hand to massage him in many ways .
A woman who just doesn't want to be touched may be experiencing much more than low sex drive. There may be problems much deeper. That would sound a little like resentment toward him. What is going in between them , or what has gone on.

Then look at sex itself. Does he pressure her to do something she is not comfortable with?
Men who do this can shut a woman's drive down because she avoids sex altogether.
Would be the same if a guy was not comfortable with a sex act, and often that is due to something in a religious background.

Yes, talk. But seeking help is something that can be a way for both parties to understand and maybe figure things out.
I know couples who won't be having sex because he had stroke. ( can happen at any age ) I know couples who won't be together tonight because one dies in surgery.
Four years ago I attended the funeral of a 56 year old guy who took his life after loosing his wife 2 years prior.

My husband and I see a lot of things that are not fair and surely never expected and maybe that's why we have the priorities we do.

Two people who have weathered some huge storms together don't give up that easily if there is still love. If there is still hope. And that's "IF".

Men may be quicker to have an affair, but women are quicker to consider divorce.
Women tend to rally to each other. They may be catty to each other in some circumstances, but they are also very good about supporting each other. It may be why women do so much better after divorce. Men don't seem to fare as well. Could be social, and the fact that men are not as likely to open up emotionally as women do.

All in all we as observers can speculate all we want, but the reality is that only the OP knows what his life is like and what is marriage is like. He knows his wife.
He can choose to walk away at this point, ( with the knowledge that she may emotionally disconnect from him completely ) and begin again with another woman. Surely the next woman would offer him nothing but hearts and flowers and BJs 24/7. Or not.
Or try to remedy the situation and the relationship. But they both have be aware of the others feelings and problems. Hopefully the OP remembers he is the one that has to live with his decision. Not us.
 

Drifterwood

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the other part of my original post,

antidepressants are the same sort of hit & miss, trial & error, unpleasant side effects deal. and almost all of them kill libido in most people.

I was only refering to people who are about to murder other people and kill themselves. I can't imagine that anyone wouldn't think that they need help and treatment and that other people need protecting from them.
 

B_mrrocksontherocks

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In my marriage sex became something less than my interest with a closer connection with my spouce, I no longer felt the need to entertain any role play but would rather hold and touch in a loving way. This is a development that happens when you have shared a peresonal intimacey that surpasses dating and becomes a friendship that is complete.
Perhaps your wife feels that simply manipulating your dick is no longer as whole as actually embrassiing your person. Try showing her your interest in her the life she lives. Take time to listen share your intimate thoughts. She will find her connection again with you when you have developed your personal relationship.
 

D_Dwayne_Pipe

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I'm the OP, so decided to give an update:

Just got back from a week's vacation with my wife who doesn't like cock. She is not turned on visually at the sight of cock either. Yet, she willingly yields to my approach for sex, even if she isn't interested or is unable to feel anything sexually. Basically, she's a wonderful woman who just has never really needed or had a high desire for intercourse.

Nothing like new surroundings to make a guy horny, so I approached three times during the week, and three times she accepted my advances. She climaxed all three times. Yes, it still takes her a good while to get warmed up. By the end of the week, she said, "You're feeling like a stud, aren't you?" Of course, the answer was "yes".

A couple days after returning home, knowing she was fucked out, I cuddled up against her at bedtime. I asked her if three times per week was the new standard? She just smiled, but didn't answer.

It's not much fun to know your spouse doesn't desire you, but being away for a week together in a romantic place helped her to fully participate with pleasure. That renewed polite desire was very refreshing for me. There hasn't been any oral sex in thirty-six years though, and doubt there will ever be. I'm grateful, nevertheless.

Cheers.
 

Phil Ayesho

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I'm in my late forties and my first year of menopause. I also had to replace a few vibes last year! :eek: My libido has always been supercharged, so now even at a lower level it is still quite strong, but what I do notice lately is that lubrication is more difficult.

I really only have my own experience to go by, and that of my friends and what I've read. I do know that some women who have always had low libidos use menopause as an excuse to reduce their need to have sex even further. Other women like myself, notice some changes but still want to have strong sexual relationships. I have a couple of friends whose husbands are exhausted from being fucked senseless almost daily - my friends' describe feeling so free post-menopausal that they just can't leave their men alone!

I agree with those who recommend marriage counseling and seeing a doctor. Sometimes there's real drop in testosterone during menopause and a cream can change things. Therapy can help with the emotional issues. Some women really grieve the end of child bearing years, while others celebrate it.

All I know is that if I had a significant other right now, I'd be wearing that man down to a nub. As it is, I recommend buying stock in Duracell. :smile:

La Femme's advice is spot on.

The big question is whether she even sees this as a problem needing fixing...
Some women post menopause are simply not interested in sex and are relieved to not do it any more.

If that is the case, then a sex therapist or counselor might help explain to her the strength of a man's need for physical intimacy.
She might come around and decide to try hormonal therapy...
Or she might accede to your finding release elsewhere...
Or you might decide you can give it up....
 

rayray

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After 36 years she lost interest in sex..Menopause is the problem with a lot of happily married people and they just deal with it..Sex is not everything in a marriage..You know that..The first comment you got (link #2) said maybe it's time to look elsewhere.You talk about selfish. Just imagine you having ED and the doctors tell you there is nothing they can do to correct your ED,thank goodness for you that's not the case, that would suck for you. Besides her having hot flashes, night sweats and the lack of sleep is enough to lose your sex drive. Forget about the hormones that in itself is enough...Congratulations on 36 years of marriage.Be kind and understanding, give her time..She just might have an unexpected turnabout..Much luck to you both..
 

ArtofDesire

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I'm the OP, so decided to give an update:

Just got back from a week's vacation with my wife who doesn't like cock. She is not turned on visually at the sight of cock either. Yet, she willingly yields to my approach for sex, even if she isn't interested or is unable to feel anything sexually. Basically, she's a wonderful woman who just has never really needed or had a high desire for intercourse.

Nothing like new surroundings to make a guy horny, so I approached three times during the week, and three times she accepted my advances. She climaxed all three times. Yes, it still takes her a good while to get warmed up. By the end of the week, she said, "You're feeling like a stud, aren't you?" Of course, the answer was "yes".

A couple days after returning home, knowing she was fucked out, I cuddled up against her at bedtime. I asked her if three times per week was the new standard? She just smiled, but didn't answer.

It's not much fun to know your spouse doesn't desire you, but being away for a week together in a romantic place helped her to fully participate with pleasure. That renewed polite desire was very refreshing for me. There hasn't been any oral sex in thirty-six years though, and doubt there will ever be. I'm grateful, nevertheless.

Cheers.

I recall we talked about your situation about a year ago (in a couple PM's) so glad to read this last post - at least it's an improvement.
 

Mumzi

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I'm glad you had a better experience. She may have added issues from menopause. But it does sound like she may have other issues regarding sex or different kinds of sex.
It also sounds like she loves you..... I really don't think the issue is her love for you, but, it's more about her view of sex in general.



I'm the OP, so decided to give an update:

Just got back from a week's vacation with my wife who doesn't like cock. She is not turned on visually at the sight of cock either. Yet, she willingly yields to my approach for sex, even if she isn't interested or is unable to feel anything sexually. Basically, she's a wonderful woman who just has never really needed or had a high desire for intercourse.

Nothing like new surroundings to make a guy horny, so I approached three times during the week, and three times she accepted my advances. She climaxed all three times. Yes, it still takes her a good while to get warmed up. By the end of the week, she said, "You're feeling like a stud, aren't you?" Of course, the answer was "yes".

A couple days after returning home, knowing she was fucked out, I cuddled up against her at bedtime. I asked her if three times per week was the new standard? She just smiled, but didn't answer.

It's not much fun to know your spouse doesn't desire you, but being away for a week together in a romantic place helped her to fully participate with pleasure. That renewed polite desire was very refreshing for me. There hasn't been any oral sex in thirty-six years though, and doubt there will ever be. I'm grateful, nevertheless.

Cheers.