Doesn't look gay!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by arkfarmbear, Aug 21, 2010.

  1. arkfarmbear

    arkfarmbear New Member

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    I wonder if anyone else has this same concern.
    First, I live in a third-world state in the US. Come to think of it, the South is a third-world region!
    When I travel to cities with visible gay populations I am thrilled to see that so many of the guys are these muscle boys! Increasingly, they have tattoos, piercings, shaved heads and a "tough" demeanor. They and guys in gay ads often look like Skin Heads to me.
    I remember the days when Skin Heads would go to the gay areas and assault the guys that did not know they were gay haters.
    Anyone have any suggestions. I get a lot of attention from the appealing guys here but my employer would fire me quickly if I propositioned a customer. And, if I am wrong I don't want to deal with the possible response, whether or not it causes problems with work.
    I hate gay bars. I may go once or twice per year, but, again, in friendly cities.
     
  2. nudeyorker

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    I've said this a few times before but try something outside of the box. If you hate bars then volunteer for something that you really care about a few hours a week and it will likely put you in contact with someone who you have at least a common interest.
    The other thing I always suggest is take a class in something you have always wanted to pursue or have an interest in.
     
  3. Bbucko

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    First of all, I'm so old that I remember when skinheads meant Anarcho-punk, which was either very gay friendly or actually gay ("fuck you and your bourgeois labels, cunt!")

    Second of all, if you're uncomfortable going to bars to socialize, most medium to large sized cities have some sort of LGBT center, frequently with a library, where people can mix and mingle without all that loud music, smoke and booze.
     
  4. zpacifico

    zpacifico New Member

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    Being gay and living in a place like you do reflects ones acceptance of his own sexuality. Society that is not really liberal makes ones life miserable. I live in a country where no one gives a hack of ones sexual orientation, stereotypes do exist everywhere but so do the guys that stick out of the "usual" frames. Gay bars are great places as long as no one is waiting outside for gay bashing. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to live where I do.
     
  5. arkfarmbear

    arkfarmbear New Member

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    Hey Guys!
    I appreciate the feedback and it is valid. I previously lived in a place where I had a great life.
    The point of my post was asking about the change in the "appearance" of gay guys. Many of those posting photos here are examples of my point.
     
  6. erratic

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    So you want to know why gay men look "tougher" now than they used to?

    I don't know, but I'll hazard that it's because many progressive cities are moving beyond the need for gay ghettos, and ghetto-izing queers. As a young queer, I certainly feel no need to live in a "gay" neighbourhood, go to gay bars, dress "gay" or sound "gay." So I just do what I want and fuck who I want.
     
  7. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    My advice would be to move to one of those cities that you visit.

     
  8. runningwoof

    runningwoof New Member

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    I am not clear on exactly what you are asking. Why do gay men now look like tough skin heads. Not sure? I have a shaved head because I started going bald at 20. And thought it looked better than my dads comb over. I have tattoos because I like the art form and what each tat means to me. I think there were always toughr looking gay men, but it wasn't the stereotype so people never realized it.

    If your question is, how can you tell if someone is gay by their appearance? You can't. So take the advice of the above posts
     
  9. NCbear

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    It's the same reason Jeeps became popular: We feel the need to display our masculinity as fully and broadly as possible.

    After all, think of the stereotypes. The flower arranger, the hairstylist, the effeminate wispy man with cutting wit who's treated like either a man who never went through puberty or else just "one of the girls."

    These days, we gay men are usually free enough (arguably) that we can display over-the-top masculinity just as loudly and obviously as we used to display over-the-top femininity. For a hilarious misinterpretation of that look, read William Storandt's recent novel The Summer They Came.

    Yes, it's probably overkill. Yes, we're probably overcompensating . . . or resisting the continued stereotyping (and feminizing) of gay men in popular culture just a little too strongly.

    But just as straight men now "test" the sexuality of a new acquaintance by commenting on the hot woman nearby--"if there's agreement, my new buddy's straight"--many of us now test for gayness by looking for hypermasculinity.

    And, unfortunately, we often fail to appreciate those same effeminate gay men who embody the stereotype. Which means that we often diss the very people who were the rebellious drag queens and street people who made 1969's Stonewall event so politically powerful, the repercussions of which have benefited all of us . . . and many of us these days fail to recognize the sheer bravery of embodying the stereotype in a still-very-homophobic culture (being basically a lightning rod for antigay abuse and violence).

    NCbear (who knows that slight, effeminate men who live without fear are truly the most courageous of us all :tips hat to them:)
     
    #9 NCbear, Aug 25, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2010
  10. mandoman

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    I don't have anything to add to your plight.
    I just want to say as a Northerner, your part of the country gave us rock and roll, bluegrass, banjo, jazz, and so many things that make this country what it is...special. The South is the beating heart and soul of the US. Third world, well, maybe, I haven't been there in a while...and the North is starting to look third world to me. But something rare and precious, and unique...definitely!!!
     
  11. Bbucko

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    If this thread really is about appearances (as opposed possible meetings and relationships), then, yeah: guys, especially guys over 35, are definitely bulking up, shaving their heads and getting inked. But this is nothing new; this trend is at least ten years going now.

    I've worked off and on (am currently on) in a gay bar here in Ft Lauderdale for the last four years. It's more of a cruise bar: no dancing. The average age of the clientele is somewhere between 45-55. Most of the really massive guys I see are on steroids and/or HGH; they shave their heads because it looks hipper than male pattern baldness (most have some type of facial hair, too). Tattoos are ubiquitous, though very few really admirable.

    Most people refer to this look as "bear", or more specifically "muscle bear" regardless of body hair or the lack thereof. Check out the Wikipedia page on Bear Culture:

    Bears are no more nor any less gay than anyone else who identifies as gay.
     
  12. helgaleena

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    I salute you males who are blurring the 'appearance' stereotypes so that there is no way to 'spot' who is gay and who is not. We are all human beings and this way the bigots will not know who to target.

    Arkfarmbear, may you meet people who truly like you for yourself, no matter where you live. Just stay well-groomed and pursue your other interests and you cannot avoid meeting plenty of compatible humans.
     
  13. runningwoof

    runningwoof New Member

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    To an extent, I don't think anyone is being "ultra masculine" on purpose. I don't set out to wear jeans and a tank top because I think its masculine...I do it because its me...It makes me feel comfortable. I shaved my head, because it looked better than the comb over that my dad still does. I work out, because I hate feeling fat. None of those things do I see as strictly doing because they are masculine. They are all part of me. On the flip side of that...I don't like team sports, I work in community theatre as an actor / director and set designer/ builder. I love show tunes. The thing is, if you saw me on the street, you wouldn't know I was gay...but if I saw you, I wouldn't know you were straight. I think we are just being ourselves finally...or at least trying to find ourselves.
     
  14. BigDallasDick8x6

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    The 1970's is generally considered the birth of the "masculine gay." Prior to that a lot of gay men bought into the stereotype that gay men were effeminate. Even Oscar Wilde (MANY years earlier) tried to fit that image despite being a large guy. It must have looked ridiculous. Thank goodness we don't have to do that any more, but........

    It was these effeminate guys in who fought for acceptance, or held their head high and lived their life inspite of not being accepted, that paved the way for us more mainstream types to accept who we are and be "out" about it. And the "average" guys that come out now pave the way for the handsome jocks, the marrieds, and blue collar guys whom very few would suspect, to come out. Ironic, isn't it? The more effeminate guys have more courage than the supposedly butchest ones. I have a button that says "It takes balls to be a Fairy" and that's really true. Like a lot of other guys on here, I've had plenty of explicit messages from guys with "100% straight" in their profile. Since this is anonymous, what's the point of pretending to be str8 on the Internet where no one knows you? I don't get it. Hopefully the day will come when they can put SOME percentage gay in their profile if there really is an attraction to males, male bodies, or even just male body parts.

    But I digress. I have always said gay men understand masculinity better than anyone. We really do -- even from an early age in elementary school getting picked on by other boys we learned a lot. There has been a hypermasculine gay culture for yearrrrrrrrs. It's called leather bars. Guys dress very hard core, especially if they are into BDSM. It came to be a stereotype and a subject for Camp (see Village People) so. What we've witnessed in the last 20 years or so is that hypermasculine culture (although toned down a little) became a more mainstream look in the gay community. But again, honor those who paved the way for your freedom of self expression.

    This hypermasculine look is not surprising to me. Gay men while understanding masculinity better than anyone else, are also fascinated by it. Some even worship it. Which is why there is such fascination with straight guys. I have no problem with that, in fact I'm one of the guys who like straight guys. I'm not sure why people get in an uproar over that -- especially gay men. Is it because that makes them feel inadequate? Is it the single guys who reeeeeeeeeeally want a husband and they think every gay guy that chases str8 dudes lowers the available pool of candidates by one? I'm guessing it's one or both of those in many judging by the intensity of the (self) righteous indignation you'll see coming from some gay men when they find out you like str8 guys. For several good examples, see the posts below this one. LOL Mark my words, they will appear!

    A corollary to this phenomenon is fashion designers who look AWFUL. Don't even come their hair and then walk out after a runway show to take their bows. Is it to look more masculine? Is it to show that they are not superficial and obsessed with beauty -- it's merely how they make their living? I don't know but I do know some hairdressers who have the worst hair you'll ever see in your life. Don't quite get it so if someone has that part figured out please clue me in.
     
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