Dom/Sub

[boibitch87]

For me, it really depends. If I'm topping, I like to be more dominant. If I'm bottoming, I like to be really submissive.

 

[Bbucko]

There's a difference between being a Dom and being a top.

Having said that, I'm a Dom who is a non-versatile top, too. The Dom part is 100% mental: at 5'6/150 lbs, I'm hardly a dominant physical presence. But there's not a submissive bone in my body; guys either get it or they don't (nearly all do).

FWIW, in BDSM terms, the "s" in sub is never capitalized but the "D" in Dom(me) always is. That's just proper etiquette.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I have switched, but I am definitely more dom....and I don't consider it a masculine trait either. Femininity can be very dominant and powerful if a woman wields it properly.

 

[cj10784]

I'm definitely sub. I love to please a man and have him tell me what to do. I will be dominant for him if he wants me to be sometimes, but I prefer him being the dominant one with the power.

Although I have heard an argument that it's the sub with the power. It was a pretty interesting take on the sub/dom relationship.

 

[cj10784]

Twelve years ago I was in a lifestyle BDSM relationship in which I was always the Sub. It was one of the most mentally and physically stimulating times of my life. The Dom who had me call him Master was very loving and attentive. I felt safe and trusted him explicitly. He would take me to my limits sometimes but never pushed beyond; he knew just how far he could go depending on my level of arousal and never let anything get out of control - plus we had safe words for me to use if needed. Because this was his chosen lifestyle he was quite experienced and never lost focus. He could take me up or down in a second even with just a word, phrase or touch.

Occasionally Master would bring one of his buddies home and instruct his male friend on how to fuck me while Master stood back with heavily muscled arms folded across his chest and watched with a critical look in his eyes like he was analyzing every move and every sound. Master was the alpha-male between the two hunky men and being a true dominant he liked to give instructions and make demands on people but he also enjoyed standing back and watching me being pleasured – he said it helped him become more in tune with my responses to certain stimuli, plus he was protecting me by controlling the situation.

The “master/slave” relationship continued beyond the bedroom into everyday life to a certain extent. I am a manager at a company and Master respected my public image so he did not let our relationship interfere with my work other than having me wear a sign of his "ownership" in the form of a black leather collar on which hung a silver medallion with his initials engraved into it. Obviously I was not truly owned, but because of the collar he did own a portion of my thoughts throughout the day, it did exactly what he knew it would do in that the collar was a constant reminder and kept me in a semi-aroused state as I went about my business. It ensured that I would be ready for him when he summoned me. My clothing style is not Goth, so you may think the leather collar would have looked odd on a woman wearing a business suit or dress slacks with a shirt collar blouse but no one ever commented on the collar. I maintained a separate residence but was at my master’s beck and call which was often daily.

It was a relationship many people would have a hard time understanding. But I still get Goosebumps when I think about the power he had over me, the incredible intimacy, the love and trust it took for me to completely submit - it's really a cerebral type of relationship more so than the physical aspect. I know this is contrary to what most believe because while I was in the relationship I had friends, both male & female that begged me to end it. They absolutely could not understand and were afraid I’d end up getting hurt. I kept telling them that everything was consensual and that all I ever had to do was say a safe word and it would end instantly – period, no hesitation, so I had control and was not being endangered, plus he had many years of experience and knew exactly what and what not to do and at what intensity to avoid any physical damage. Still they implored me to end it and eventually I gave in.

In an unrelated thread member LGX made comments about alpha-male domination and while reading his posts I literally had electric shocks shoot throughout my body – the simple word association was just that strong and it brought back the memory of Master.

Oh, in case you’re wondering, Master was a very powerful, 6’2” tall male, 210 lbs of pure muscle and a huge cut dick with a prominently ridged head (9” long x 6.25”circumference, and his hunky friend was an excellent 7” x 5.5”) which helped me commit to the relationship initially and I’m really glad I had the experience. I've never regretted any aspect of the relationship while we were together.

On the flip side I've been in two relationships where the men wanted me to top them - which I did with no problem. Interestingly both held high ranking positions in their businesses. They said it was nice to be under someone else’s control for a change and I had the impression that by giving up their power to me they were releasing the pressure they felt in their jobs. But I should note that I did not get the same degree of satisfaction in either of these relationships.

Other more "vanilla" relationships have been that of equality with no clear delineation and have been the longest lasting, but still the one that was the most intense and remember able was the relationship with Master.

All this said I'm not sure if I would be called a Switch or a Sub. My position in the workplace demands that I assume a dominant role; I have a lot of inner strength, including a strong personality but am a peacemaker and do not tolerate discord in my life. Plus I'm very independent in all aspects of my life and not afraid of new experiences so I guess like many others I am conflicted, or maybe it's those dominant traits that help balance the submissiveness that lurks below. So what do you think, would I be a Switch, or a Sub? Any opinions out there?

I’ll wait to hear if anyone wants to offer their opinion before I cast my vote of Sub or Switch.

Wow, that is so extremely hot. I would love to have an exclusively dom/sub relationship with a man. I rarely meet a man with that type of personality though. I prefer not to look through 'alternative sources' to find one, but wow, I'm envious you had a chance to experience this.

My personality with men tend to be more feminine/submissive. It's odd because I'm the type of person who speaks my mind, initiates and executes a plan, and speak up for myself/friends/family. But with a guy, I want him to exhibit all those traits in and out of the bedroom. I'd say I relate to women differently than I do men. With my female friends, I'm the one who takes care of things, spoil them, protect them, etc. But when I date a guy, if he doesn't act like that to me, I lose interest. I always joke that if I were to ever become a lesbian, I'd be the more masculine one. However, since I only date men, I prefer being feminine and docile and if he's passive I lose interest in him immediately. I don't understand why I relate to genders differently, but hey it's me.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience.:smile: I'd probably consider you sub seeing as though you preferred that experience more than your 'equal' relationships.

 

[B_quietguy]

I'm almost always a Dom sexually with women. One partner is almost always sexually submissive, and my other partner switches but is a sub more often than not. I sometimes enjoy being a bottom and letting my partner(s) please me - but most of the time I'm in charge and decide what to do. I can even top from below.

With men, I prefer a meeting of equals.

 

[ArtofDesire]

---Quote (Originally by cj10784)--- "I would love to have an exclusively dom/sub relationship with a man. I rarely meet a man with that type of personality though. I prefer not to look through 'alternative sources' to find one, but wow, I'm envious you had a chance to experience this.”
_______________________________________________________________

To cj10784: I'm not recommending that anyone do what I did but I met Master by replying to an ad he had posted on a singles website. Was it scary? Hell YES!!! Was I being smart? Uh NO, really stupid would be more like it, but I've gotten more gutsy as I’ve grown older and have been known to 'jump out onto a ledge' once in a while. I'm smart and have very good intuition. After 40 years I had learned to trust my gut instincts above all but I chose to ignore the warning bells going off in my head.

It started out much like any other online relationship with Master emailing me judging my responses, then he started calling and that's what flipped a switch for me, and I think him too because we loved the sound of each other's voices. Plus we’re both highly educated people, me with a master in business, him with a PhD in psychology and he was looking for someone with a good education (among other attributes). After talking to me on the phone Master requested that I meet him immediately for an interview, and yes I mean interview (he had other applicants too). We agreed to meet at a restaurant in the city for dinner – he had already made reservations. Excited and very nervous I rushed over to meet him right after work, still in my conservative, non-sexy work clothes because he hadn’t given me time to go home and change, nor had I expected the invitation. I was wearing dress slacks, blazer and shirt collared blouse. He told me to remember to bring the medical documents he required proving that I was clean - thank goodness I had the test results in my bag.

We had an enjoyable dinner together as Master grilled me with questions and explained his expectations and rules. He told me to pay close attention and listen carefully because this would be the one and only time that he would offer these explanations. During the interview I was not allowed to ask questions unless he specifically told me I had his permission to ask, and then it had to be phrased properly with the appropriate respect and form. I was at a distinct disadvantage because I had never done anything like this before so that meant it would take more effort on his part to train me.

I almost did not get selected as his sub. As the interview and dinner was winding down Master told me that he liked my mind and my voice but he wasn't sure if I had the specific physical attributes desired. (I was not surprised because he could have his pick of men or women who were younger and much better looking than me and here I was sitting in unisex business attire.) However after a couple minutes of quiet reflection he suggested that we go to his place and he'd let me show him my body before making a final decision.

I followed him in my car to his house in the country about 45-minutes out of the city and the whole time I kept asking myself if I really knew what I was doing. After all, this guy could have been a serial killer for all I knew and so powerfully built that he could easily overwhelm me in a second. I had to question my sanity, but at 40 and still exploring my sexuality I wanted the experience – realizing that I may not get another chance. We finally arrived and he had me pull my car around to the garage in back, again sending off warning bells, but I had committed to this and was not backing out.

We entered the house through the back door into a warm colored wood-paneled den that had a plush red Turkish style rug over wood flooring, soft lighting, a very large stone fireplace and comfortable leather seating. The room felt very inviting yet manly, there was nothing even remotely feminine about the room. Master stoked a fire in the fireplace, adding more wood and suggested I relax while the room warmed up. He told me firmly to stay put while he left the room for a few minutes. When he came back he was followed by another man who was carrying drinks. He introduced the handsome male who turned out to be another sub and told me that if I was selected I would be having sex with the other male as well and it would be on Master’s terms not mine. This was turning out to be more than I had bargained for originally, but very stimulating.

There were a couple minutes of absolute quiet while Master let his comment sink into my mind which was already spinning like a top out of control. I just sat there like an idiot unsure of what to say or do, I finally said 'yes Master'. After what seemed like an eternity but was really just one or two minutes Master told me to stand and strip naked. I was very nervous and feeling more than a little embarrassed and slutty stripping bare before two fully-clothed men that I had just met face-to-face for the first time, knowing that my body was being judged and compared to others; but I knew that if I wanted this I had to submit to his demands. Once I was naked he had me turn around slowly to view me from all sides, and angles. I noticed that the other male had a hard-on but then he was told to leave the room so it was just Master and I left together in the warmth and glow coming from the fireplace. Master came up behind me and reaching around took my large natural breasts in his hands, needing them, and rolling and pinching my nipples until I started moaning softly and panting a little. I was so aroused I thought my legs were going to collapse under me and I leaned back against Master's body for support. He said 'NO' you must stand. He told me to hold perfectly still as he reached between my legs and rubbed my clit which was a torture all in its own having to stay still like that. Having felt my wetness he bent me over and told me to brace my arms on the sofa. I felt his huge cock pushing against the opening of my vagina. I’d never had anyone with so much girth, the stretching was a little painful but I was so aroused it didn't matter and Master took me roughly from behind doggie style, fucking every coherent thought I ever had out of my mind. When he finished with me he handed me some tissues and told me to clean up, get dressed and go home. That he’d let me know if he decided to take me on as his new sub. So I left not knowing if I would be selected or if I had been used as a one-night stand.

Three days later I received a package in the mail. Inside was a black leather collar with a silver medallion attached that had his initials engraved on it – also enclosed were instructions. As it turned out my large natural boobs won me the spot because fake boobs are not very good for some bondage activities and that’s how I ended up in a relationship with Master. I was not his only sub, he had his male friend and another woman who he’d been involved with for years but she had moved out-of-state so they didn’t get together very often. There was an underground sex club with a BDSM subculture and he would always take her there when she came to town because she was absolutely gorgeous and he liked to show her off. It was a private club and you had to be with a member to get in. I never went.

Hope this helps anyone who wants this type of relationship but doesn't know how to find it, but please keep in mind that I am not advocating doing what I did. I took a huge risk and am just lucky it turned out okay. Thanks for the nice comments. It was a very unusual time in my life so I like sharing the experience.