Hmmm, I'm just not sure. I'd be comfortable with anything sex-related. Beyond that I don't think I'd really know until I tried it. I usually hate people telling me what to do so I'm not at all sure how well I'd do, but the idea turns me on and gives me a feeling of . . . comfort, safety and protection maybe.
I've been reading a lot of blogs of real life doms and subs and there's
huge differences in philosophy and styles. I've read over the past few years in lots of the DD and M/s blogs, and they're all different.
From what I've learned from reading these blogs, the main problem with choosing domestic discipline as a 24/7 relationship with one's partner, from my perspective, is that it seems like after a few years, every husband/dom/master just keeps pushing the rules more and more to the point that I think crosses the line. The rules continuously become more strict, the punishments more and more severe, and the top more difficult to please. If that's what a bottom needs in order to stay interested, then I suppose that works, but instead it just seems to eventually cross an abuse line, or negatively affecting the relationship, or makes the bottom more and more frustrated. Even the tops I thought were the most fair and helpful in the beginning seemed to cross that line after a few years, after the initial "rules" and "goals" had been mastered by the sub. It seems to be a natural reaction for the top to make new rules that are more difficult, and at some point it goes too far, that's when it starts getting weird and unhealthy IMO. It makes me rethink whether it's a relationship that actually works in the long term. Maybe the relationship needs to be constantly redefined, to prevent that from happening.
Either of these would irritate the fuck out of me. Especially the second one - if you have no rules how to you know which boundaries to push when you want punishment :tongue:
Some doms and subs are into that sort of philosophy. I read one master's blog where he said that the subs kinks don't matter, only what pleases the master. He doesn't believe in mental games, so he doesn't need to know what turns the sub on, he just uses the sub however he wants. It's less of a mindfuck sort of relationship and more of a "total submission" use-me-like-furniture sort of relationship. There's one sub's blog I read whose master is unbelievably brutal to her, and she takes anything because that's the philosophy that they abide by, she's there to do whatever he tells her to do or take whatever pain he dishes out. If I could handle the pain (and I couldn't and don't want to), I think that would bore me. I find the mind games much more interesting, even from an outside observer point of view.
I would be quite comfortable with this. The humiliation part maybe not so much - it would depend on what it was.
I couldn't do 99% of the humiliation stuff, but the subs who do it, I think that's part of what turns them on. I think they get off on being humiliated by their doms, by doing stuff like walking around in public with something written in sharpie on their faces or body, or being videotaped licking a toilet and posting it on the internet. I find that confusing, like the guys into SPH.
Some of the domestic discipline couples are into humiliation, and some of the online "guides" say it's necessary for a woman to learn to respect a man to humiliate herself in front of him. If that's your kink, then enjoy it, but I don't like the stupid sweeping statements about all women like that one. It disturbs me to think that there are domestic discipline couples who don't have a humiliation kink who might be following that advice.
One DD husband had his wife lick the furniture clean because he wasn't happy with how well she cleaned the house. If that sort of thing turns her on, then that's cool, but if not, that's when those kinds of relationships seem the abusive. I think that's why I've found the weirdest ones, the ones that bother me as much as the very brutal M/s relationships, are the Christian DD practitioners. It bothers me because of how often it seems like the wife isn't really
into it, she's just doing it because she's so fundamentally Christian that she thinks it's what God wants their marriage to be like. It also seems like the Christian husbands are the ones who cross "that line" much sooner than any of the kinky couples! Like being a little unsure about what the point is supposed to be makes it easier to make bad decisions. A lot of those relationships seemed unhappy. Some of the wives seemed unhappy and unsure about the whole thing.
The blogs where the subs/DD-wives were unhappy with the choices their masters/husbands made on a regular basis were the ones that bug me the most. Those relationships aren't working if there's that much discord. They aren't on the same page.
This could be useful to me! I'm crap at sticking to my goals :smile:.
I'm much more into in a sexual sense than any other, so I can understand this. But there's something appealing about taking it further. If I picture being in a LTR with my FB and him saying 'No orgasms until you get your uni assignment done', I have to admit, it makes me extremely horny. And the bonus is that I'd get my assignments done early!
I know! I think it's cool that some people can use their kinks to help them improve their lives.
There's a few DD couples who use their kink like that. There's one couple who are both in grad school and his wife has trouble with being self-disciplined about working on her dissertation, so she's agreed to rules and punishments based on whether she keeps her dissertation writing schedule. They both get off on it a lot, too.
There's a M/s relationship that's more like a mentorship, even though she's "owned" by him. He's 27 years older than her and uses their relationship to help her with her school goals to help her overcome her math anxiety and her fears about failing. He uses masturbation as a motivator. She has to accomplish certain goals every day or else she's not allowed to masturbate, and she's allowed only one masturbation orgasm per day. I made the mistake of telling TheBF about them and he asked me how many times I orgasmed yesterday. I estimated 12 times, twice during sex with him and ten times with my right hand, and he said, "Hmmmm... I think they might be onto something..." Great.
There's another couple who created rules like that, and after the wife mastered all of them began feeling frustrated because she's a spankophile and she wasn't getting spanked any more! So she shot one of her kids toys at his head while he was talking once, and he took her over his knee and spanked her. Another day she put a piece of ice down the back of her shirt, and he spanked her. I thought that was cute. It was working to help her remain motivated and she was getting what she wanted from him.
From reading the blogs, though, it's slippery and it seems difficult to do just right. A lot of couples seem to be off track, with punishments that cause resentment or anger, or rules that both people don't agree with that cause relationship problems, or differences about the fairness of certain rules and punishments, or progressively difficult to please tops/doms/husbands that become more and more unfair over time and that begin to make their subs/wives unhappy, as I talked about before. Only a few of them seem to have it just right.
It's all good! I don't mind you asking at all. It's funny how we'll quite happily discuss all kinds of 'private' things on this site, then get concerned that asking about some stuff might be crossing the line :smile:
I'm glad you don't mind! Relationships between people are generally interesting to me, and these relationships are particularly fascinating.
