Dominant male

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Gisella, Apr 22, 2006.

  1. Gisella

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    I was analizing why i have preference for a particular type of men instintivelly...and why i reject as fake someone trying to just act/play dominant to appeal (and catch women that are attract for this trait in a man)...thinking we are not going to find out soon or later...

    I dont think a man can trully just play dominant without being one...its a very natural thing born with some man...but because we are in modern times its not politically correct to be a "full man" in some places and societies...who knows...and maybe because of that i sometimes feel i live among "impotent" men kind of 1/2 men because for me they do not know how to express like men...:)redface: )

    All this porno industry and stuff are making some men behave like porno actors and doing the moves and actions they see in porno...:confused: i think...

    Before all this porno stuff of modern times how did men got his inspiration ?

    Just like when you were a kid living in a place that you have to play outside and be criative and did not had already made toys and have to use your own imagination and criativity...and a kid who lives in the city and just watch tv and have already made toys for them...

    Well, there are many women around the world who do not want to supress the natural expression of a naturally dominant men...we are not affraid or repulsed by that expressions, we respond to them and sometimes only respond to this kind of men.

    i'm crazy, naive, ignorant, blind, lost or what...:rolleyes:


    Please, fell free to give inputs...
     
  2. dong20

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    Hi Gisella :smile:

    No I don't think you are, certainly when I was younger I would have probably considered myself 'dominant'. But, to be honest like many young men I doubt I really was or more likely even understood what that meant.

    These days I'm much more laid back, I will fight my corner and can no doubt be as 'non PC' as the next man but perhaps it's age. after all I am male but I like to think for the most part I'm sufficiently confident that I no longer feel any need to 'dominate' or be the 'Alpha' male or some such thing, sure, I can play at it for a while but to be truthful it's often such an effort.:tongue:

    I like a woman who is confident in herself and in her own right, knows what she likes and wants, has a mind of her own and is not afraid to use it. She doesn't need me but wants me as desperately as I want her. I suspect it's not always easy to balance that with appearing 'feminine' whatever that really means.

    Some men are intimidated by strong women just as some are attracted and VV. What I don't like are women who play at it because they think they should or that's what society expects of them, much as I suspect you don't like men who do the same. You are what you are, take me as you find me.

    I would sum up as : "I'm a man, I don't feel a need to prove how much of a man I am one way or another just to fit in with societal expectations (or your own), if I'm not man enough for you...or not the 'right kind' of man well...C'est La Vie."

    It's never quite that simple of course and I would never say this to anyone so directly....well not unless seriously provoked. And then I'd probably get a well deserved slap. Or on here of course where I'm out of range :rolleyes:
     
  3. Gisella

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    Thank u Dong...i like U...hehehe

    U see..this alpha male thing is more another men made "formula" that in my view is not natural...

    As you say experience and age made u more laid back..u dont have to prove or really care to please! Yep! I dont have to dominated but if u are a dominant you juts do it naturally...in your own style that you own it...it yours!

    In the past men learned with another experienced men to be men...nowdays because many boys grow up in broken homes they may do not have a good male example in their lives and the woman have to be the mother and the father...and its sad and heavy load in a woman back if the Dad just desapears is absent physically and emotionally too.

    How can a hurt boy will find his way to be a secure man if he had no male exemple in their lives? (And in many 2 parents home kids are growing without good exemples too...) I dont think have to be super heroes of course not but they are so very insecure nowdays..."they" seems confuse too, and try to behave nice but are angry inside, some show th anger in "bad" ways others bottle up and become numb...and because "they" are not in touch with their feelings and dont know to express...its very hard to understand "them".

    Well....

    Thank u for the exchanges Dong...:wink:
     
  4. Gisella

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    Ps:

    All the recognition for all the moms in this world to take care of their kids by themselves...but a boy needs a good male exemple in their lives...boys and girls need very strongly to grow up stronger with their Dads around.

    Woman can not do it by themselves alone...and the more superprotectives ones that never want to wean their kids..they will may hurt their boys in the process...

    And i think the feminisn of the past where some women in that moviment seems to be so angry with their men (some with reason sure...) exagerate to much in trying to put men out of the picture were very wrong.

    We have to fight for our rights and et without hate men...i dont hate men...i love men!!! hehehehe:tongue:

    Kisses
     
  5. dong20

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    Thanks, from your posts you seem cool, and real which is far more important:smile:

    I don't think the lack of a strong male role model always leads to problems, its certainly not inevitable. My parents split when I was 6 and I hardly saw my Father afterwards, and not for many many years now. I could have drifted down the 'broken home' path but I made a choice, that day, probably unconcsiously, that I was not going to play the game that way.

    Don't get me wrong, my Father was not evil, he was just a man, as I am. But that day, as a 6 year old boy I simply saw him leave and make my Mother cry. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I suppose I didn't have a clear male role model from that age on so I decided right then and there that as a start I would simply not emulate the one role model I had until that point.

    Of course, as an adult I know that relationships can fail however much we don't want them to. That pain is one thing that age hasn't softened, at least for me if I am true to myself. If it ever does I know I will be less of a person for it.

    I may be 'old fashioned' but I do think that in general, children can grow up more balanced within a conventional family environment but only if it allows them to develop as individuals and doesn't unduly shelter them from the realities of the world. I know it's cliche but children are far more resilient than they are usually given credit for and that in itself can cause a sense of insecurity.

    My Mother allowed me so much freedom. In part, I suspect it was to see if I would abuse it which I seldom did, (so she says) and I owe her my eternal respect and gratitude for that, and for teaching me that not all men were bad. So far as I can tell, the only lasting effect has been intense self reliance and determination never to be 100% reliant on anyone else. Sadly that all usually goes to pot when that 'spark' is ignited. :rolleyes:

    Likewise :biggrin1:
     
  6. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    Gisella,

    It is hard for me to respond to your thoughts because I am not entirely sure what you mean by the word dominant. Could you please offer some helpful examples of how a dominant male's actions might differ from a non-dominant male's?
     
  7. Honey_Grrrl83

    Honey_Grrrl83 New Member

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    I believe the definition of a dominant male is one who takes charge in the bedroom:tongue: My boyfriend is dominant,mainly because of his culture and the way he was raised:smile: Personally,I think it's a good thing:rolleyes:
     
  8. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    Isn't your boyfriend the only boy you've slept with before?
     
  9. Honey_Grrrl83

    Honey_Grrrl83 New Member

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    Yes,I plan to let it remain that way as well:rolleyes:
     
  10. Gisella

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    Hey Spadle...

    Well i will try to explain...but just ry ok? I'm being spontaneous and did not study those things in a school...

    First of all i'm not into the macho dominant woman submissive thing...im a sweet woman but very strong minded too...i was raised influenced mostly by my father a very strong, intelectual and caring man always present in my life. I learned to love him and i love men because of him....

    Dominant as confident in being men, not afraid to be "agressive" but agressive as selfconfident, he does not disrespect women but are not woman pleasers - in a way that they will give their power. He does not exchange sex for things.. terrible thing in my view is a man to be controled by a woman: If you do this or give me that you are gonna have sex with me...a men most not "surrender" this way...he is honest with his maleness and honor it by behaving like a man...not a boy, not a jerk not a player and et

    Well Splader...dont forget that i come from a different culture and as an individual and a woman i do have my preferences too. And Like Honey said she notice that her boyfriend spill a dominant behavior in bed because he absorved things from his culture too. She seems to like that too...

    This dominant trait in him for me must spill all over in the bedroom...i choose males to "mate" based in it....:tongue:
     
  11. Gisella

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    Thank Dong so very much to share your life with me/us!!!:smile:

    You were trully a great man in the making since you were a little Dong...

    Your life journey trully warms my heart...intense self reliance and determination...wow..."intense" a love that word too.

    But the 100% never reliant on anyone else...hehehe...for sure you cant keep those numbers on if you let yourself to "fall" in love...and go further to the others deep stages of a relationship...hehehe

    Kisses
     
  12. dong20

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    Thanks :smile:

    Indeed, 100% of anything is pretty much impossible to obtain here. Perhaps experience has better enabled me to better see the 'precipice' before I reach it, but it's never stopped me jumping. :rolleyes:
     
  13. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Ive never liked 'dominant' men, personally i find them bossy and intimidating. I much prefer a equal or quiet guy who knows when it is the right time to be dominant rather than trying to be 'The man' all of the time.

    I like to feel safe and somewhat protected by a man but i think some men take this as having to be controlling an in charge of every situation.
     
  14. dong20

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    Yes, there is a world of difference between 'taking the lead' and being 'dominant' but so many men (and women) seem to confuse the two. If a woman asks for my 'protection' in whatever form, she shall have it but I don't feel the need to wear a cape and my undies on the outside to do so!
     
  15. Gisella

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    Wow Lee very good point!!!

    U see is just a preference thing...sure because your style to be lead and lead are different for exemple than mine...

    Im dominant myself not intimidated by confrontation, like power, assertiveness and at the same i do love to comunicate and influence people to socialize and et...iam a task and a people person and more happy do work without a boss i dont like managers (hehehe) schedulles and be kept lock 9 to 5 in a job with walls... i too cant stand bossy and controling people.

    The dominant that i try to express is balanced no kind of sick...
     
  16. GBB

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    There's really a lot to this subject.

    We might just look at the male/female releationship, or when talking about the alpha male, it's more of a male/male relationship. Which guy is going to be top dog?

    I think the dog metaphore works fairly well if you're trying to figure out what alpha male means... well assuming you've observed canine behavior, and keep dogs yourselves.

    In a pack of dogs, generally they will wrestle and play with each other to figure out who leads the pack. Once the pecking order is established, the pack co-operatres with itself such that it almost seems like a new life form just seperated into several bodies.

    With human men, when two strangers meet, there can sometimes be an adjustment period where the testorerone gets up, and the men can come to blows. But after the fight, the pecking order is established, and they can become best of friends. Certainly that's what I've seen from the days of being on the junior end of the relationship, to now when I win a lot more of those fights.

    Now about over aggressive behavior: Often this is a sign of low self esteem when someone is trying to put on a show to be something that they are not. I think this is the show that is un-sustainable in the long run. and it all ends in tears later.

    I think women want to pair up with men who can champion the woman. They want a man who can pick battles and defend the interest of the woman. Oh, and it's better if the man can win a few of them as well. ;)

    But the haughty, "serve me because I'm the man" is the unsustainable, agressive attitude that signifies a low self esteem.

    Women want a man who is comfortable in his own skin, and I think men want women who are just as comfortable with who they are.

    Or in summation:

    Self esteem is sexy.
     
  17. Gisella

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    Ulalah YES GGB! Yes! Yes! hehehehe!

    :hug:

    Look what i borrow to express how i see that man is not "just" a man for me and why some men do not get it in my view (because they think they lack..) and say that woman by looking man as a "heroe" are messing them up:

    "Have you noticed how boys already prepare for their quest from early on in life: testing themselves and each other; looking for new ways of being and thinking, inventing, building, climbing into the world? Have you noticed that human societies all share one primary way of framing and nurturing male development: through the encouragement of the hero's journey? Much of the history of male literature involves heroic quest. Even the video games that companies produce for boys to play are nearly all heroic quests.

    "Throughout life, men are more likely to test themselves constantly on the quest, seek status and worth in hierarchies and competition."

    " Women don't want stereotype heroes – cardboard video-game action figures; they want loving, wise, and powerful heroes – men. As nature seems to have planned things, women’s heroic expectations not only drive men but can actually add to male fragility, especially to the sense of fragility felt by men who lack physical or mental prowess."

    I love men that never stop questing its makes me want go with him to the great adventurer of life!!! He is my everyday heroe...because of the battles he fights, for him and for me too!!!:tongue:
     
  18. txquis

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    I agree there is a lot to this subject...many types of dominance are being discussed...and i realize i'm in the women's thread and might be weighing in from a different point of view, but....

    I hear lots of talk/debate about the "modern" man having sacrificed masculinity/dominance in order to be pc, or even "metrosexual".

    I dunno. I grew up with dads and grandads who were of the macho generation, when that was not only the norm, but expected and passed down.
    I'm glad that is over with.
    There is strength in gentility, and i embrace that wholeheartedly.
    But i also understand the fun in someone who is confident and sure of themselves (especially in the bedroom)...if that is what you mean by dominant, that is fine.
    If i have to choose between wishywashy and strength of conviction, i'll choose the strong person every time.
     
  19. Honey_Grrrl83

    Honey_Grrrl83 New Member

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    My boyfriend is a passive metrosexual in regular life:tongue: The only time he is dominant is when we have sex,I want him to be in control because he is just a teeny bit more experienced than I am:rolleyes:
     
  20. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    my personality changes quite a bit depending on the situation and who I'm with. If I'm with a more submissive partner I assume a more dominant role. It's not an act, it just has to do with mood and comfort level and other things I've never really been able to put my finger on.
     
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