Dominating - advice from women

[petite]

I've read Beatrice Small before, most of it is romance based.

I would suggest you to make a list. A list of everything you could think of that is dominating and give it to her when you are not going to be around. Fold it in half, put it in an envelope or whatever. Give it to her and tell her she cannot open it until you leave.

On the first page at the top you could explain that you want her to read the list and mark things she is interested in trying as yes, no or maybe and return the list to you later or lay it on your desk... whatever.

This way if she is shy about certain things you are offering her a chance to tell you what she really wants. You could look at the list later with an open mind and know what she is interested in.

This is just a suggestion. Sometimes it can be hard to talk about these things. )

That's a good idea!

Don't you agree that most women have a pretty good idea of what they want from a man, I mean that most women have particular fantasies that she wants you to fulfill?

I know I do. I just happen to be less shy about saying what I want than most women, but TheBF is great about being non-judgmental and fun about things like that, so he makes it easy for me.

 

[HiddenLacey]

That's a good idea!

Don't you agree that most women have a pretty good idea of what they want from a man, I mean that most women have particular fantasies that she wants you to fulfill?

I know I do. I just happen to be less shy about saying what I want than most women, but TheBF is great about being non-judgmental and fun about things like that, so he makes it easy for me.

Thanks:biggrin1:

I would like to think most of us know what we want. I can only speak for myself when I say IRL I tend to be shy about it. I'm sure I could discuss it with the right person if I felt comfortable.

It can be hard trying to please a partner and sometimes I can keep wants/ needs to myself because I'm afraid of being judged.

 

[MercyfulFate]

Thanks:biggrin1:

I would like to think most of us know what we want. I can only speak for myself when I say IRL I tend to be shy about it. I'm sure I could discuss it with the right person if I felt comfortable.

It can be hard trying to please a partner and sometimes I can keep wants/ needs to myself because I'm afraid of being judged.

The being judged part does make it tough to be open about fantasies for sure. I have some out there ones and the girl I was with for 6 years only knew a few, because I felt like she'd think I was weird if I told them to her.

Finding a partner who's 100% understanding and hopefully into the same things is my goal, but it's not that easy sadly.

 

[HiddenLacey]

The being judged part does make it tough to be open about fantasies for sure. I have some out there ones and the girl I was with for 6 years only knew a few, because I felt like she'd think I was weird if I told them to her.

Finding a partner who's 100% understanding and hopefully into the same things is my goal, but it's not that easy sadly.

I think they're a lot of us that have secret fantasies that never get shared with anyone else.

I'm a member of another site and I talked to several women who did things their partners wanted them to do because they wanted to make their partner happy and that in itself made them happy to do it. With any real worthy relationship we should each be able to talk about our wants with our partners. Unfortunately it is hard to find that person sometimes.

 

[B_New End]

I bet that she has a clear idea of what she specifically wants, and it's better if he has an idea of what that is by asking her to guide him. When I talk to women about their fantasies, they have very particular things they're looking for, not just any ole "dominating" behavior.

Yeah, but one of the best things about sex is when your partner fulfills a fantasy you didn't even know you had.

It would be cleverer if he could find some way to get her to communicate what it is that she wants instead of just making it up.

Well, ballpark yes, but specifics, to me, kind of ruins it. It's like if you have to tell your partner how you want to be dominated, then it seems like he's not really dominating. I don't know if that makes sense. It's like having to tell your partner you want wine and roses and dinner at chez louis for Valentine's day.

 

[petite]

Yeah, but one of the best things about sex is when your partner fulfills a fantasy you didn't even know you had.

And I'm presuming that they'll have an opportunity to get there together, but they're probably less likely to get there if she's disappointed now.

The fact that she reads romance novels hints to me that there's probably a scene or something in at least one of those books that inspired her request. As a woman, I advise trying to figure out what inspired her to ask for him to be more "dominant" instead of just making it up as he goes along.

Well, ballpark yes, but specifics, to me, kind of ruins it.

But this isn't about your fantasy. This is about the OP fulfilling his girlfriend's fantasy, isn't it?

You aren't a woman, so why are you even answering this question? Your definition of "domination" doesn't matter as much as her definition of "domination" so why are you arguing that point?

You wouldn't be pleasing me with the things you're saying, or the attitude you're expressing about fulfilling a woman's fantasy.

 

[MercyfulFate]

I think they're a lot of us that have secret fantasies that never get shared with anyone else.

I'm a member of another site and I talked to several women who did things their partners wanted them to do because they wanted to make their partner happy and that in itself made them happy to do it. With any real worthy relationship we should each be able to talk about our wants with our partners. Unfortunately it is hard to find that person sometimes.

This is true, but having a partner that just does things to make you happy isn't quite the same as having them enjoy it themselves.

 

[petite]

I think they're a lot of us that have secret fantasies that never get shared with anyone else.

I'm a member of another site and I talked to several women who did things their partners wanted them to do because they wanted to make their partner happy and that in itself made them happy to do it. With any real worthy relationship we should each be able to talk about our wants with our partners. Unfortunately it is hard to find that person sometimes.

I'm really lucky about that. TheBF would try anything if I wanted it, and he'd probably have fun.

I think the only thing he wouldn't be good at is being a submissive. He's got an impossibly high pain tolerance, and he's just naturally mischievous and rebellious. It really wouldn't work. Seriously.

 

[B_New End]

The fact that she reads romance novels hints to me that there's probably a scene or something in at least one of those books that inspired her request. As a woman, I advise trying to figure out what inspired her to ask for him to be more "dominant" instead of just making it up as he goes along.

I've read a couple dozen romance novels in my day.

But this isn't about your fantasy. This is about the OP fulfilling his girlfriend's fantasy, isn't it?

Domination was never my fantasy, it was my g/f's fantasy. I just learned to love it.

You aren't a woman, so why are you even answering this question? Your definition of "domination" doesn't matter as much as her definition of "domination" so why are you arguing that point?

What I heard the OP saying sounded a lot like the kind of sex my G/F and I had on occasion. That's why. He either wants jerk material from women, or he wants advice. he already thanked me for some advice... so I'd guess he doesn't mind what I have said so far, eh?

You wouldn't be pleasing me with the things you're saying, or the attitude you're expressing about fulfilling a woman's fantasy.

Chill, it's just a matter of opinion.

 

[HiddenLacey]

This is true, but having a partner that just does things to make you happy isn't quite the same as having them enjoy it themselves.

Maybe I didn't phrase it correctly. I'm horrible with words Those women were happy, they enjoyed making their partner happy. Something they may have never done if not with that person and they learned to enjoy it.

I hope that's better because I can put a puzzle together faster than a sentence!!!

 

[HiddenLacey]

I'm really lucky about that. TheBF would try anything if I wanted it, and he'd probably have fun.

I think the only thing he wouldn't be good at is being a submissive. He's got an impossibly high pain tolerance, and he's just naturally mischievous and rebellious. It really wouldn't work. Seriously.

LOL, so what you are saying is he wouldn't cry mercy no matter what you did :biggrin1: Just kidding!

I think it's great that the two of you have such good communication.

 

[thetramp]

Really?

Yeah, i don't know why but for me the Supermarket is a great place to meet women. I think i got hit on in a supermarket more often than in nightclub.

As far as the OP is concerned, she already told you she is into more domination, you know she likes you talk dirty, she told you she would like some light bondage and tugging her hair. Start with that, go with the flow.
I usually don't only pay attention to body parts that are relatively unrelated to the action. I will bend her or make her bend her back and neck, i will push her down, hold her wrists down or up against a wall, i often will make her stretch, sometimes in a teasing way, sometimes my moving her arms or legs myself to a point where it is almost painful.

 

[petite]

LOL, so what you are saying is he wouldn't cry mercy no matter what you did :biggrin1: Just kidding!

I think it's great that the two of you have such good communication.

No, that's exactly what I mean. He would never cry mercy. I'd have to go way beyond being abusive.

I mean this is the guy who told his dentist not to use any pain medication at all when he was having two wisdom teeth extracted. The dentist drilled through the first one until he hit the nerve and kept drilling until it cracked in half, then he pulled the two halves out. Now TheBF admits that it was the most painful experience of his life and he was terrified of how much the second one would hurt, but he felt like it would be wimpy to back out, so he didn't. The dentist said that in his 30 years, he's never heard of anyone ever doing that! He told TheBF that he's told all of his dentist friends about it and they've never heard of anyone doing it either.

The man would never cry mercy!

Not only that, he's got the most mischievous personality ever. Don't tell him not to do something, because then he's filled with an overwhelming desire to do it! And being mischievous makes him all giggly.

Those two characteristics combined would make him the worst submissive on earth. He'd be impossible to dominate.

 

[HiddenLacey]

No, that's exactly what I mean. He would never cry mercy. I'd have to go way beyond being abusive.

I mean this is the guy who told his dentist not to use any pain medication at all when he was having two wisdom teeth extracted. The dentist drilled through the first one until he hit the nerve and kept drilling until it cracked in half, then he pulled the two halves out. Now TheBF admits that it was the most painful experience of his life and he was terrified of how much the second one would hurt, but he felt like it would be wimpy to back out, so he didn't. The dentist said that in his 30 years, he's never heard of anyone ever doing that! He told TheBF that he's told all of his dentist friends about it and they've never heard of anyone doing it either.

The man would never cry mercy!


Not only that, he's got the most mischievous personality ever. Don't tell him not to do something, because then he's filled with an overwhelming desire to do it! And being mischievous makes him all giggly.

Those two characteristics combined would make him the worst submissive on earth. He'd be impossible to dominate.

LMAO... seriously giggly? I love it. That is how I get. At my age, I still cannot do something mischievous without the person knowing I'm up to no good. I immediately start giggling and laughing When do those sly emotions kick in? Where are they?

Ummm, and I had a root canal when I cracked a tooth. I had the man numb that whole side of my head basically until I KNEW I would feel no pain. If I went to the dentist and had to have work done and they didn't numb me I think I would start swinging pretty fast.

 

[pain4anangel]

I'll just post what I mailed the OP since there may be others who may want the advice.

I just wanted to let you know that before trying out anything new, you should go over exactly what she would like to try, if she would like her limits pushed, and how she wants things done. If you want, I can give you an online list of fetishes and activities that you can sit down and go through with her. As a Domme who has been in the lifestyle for 10+ years, I can not express enough that if you do not know how to properly go about delivering a physical punishment (for lack of a better word), then please ask someone and learn how to do it. Many people just try to dive in head first and can end up doing physical damage to someone. The most important thing is communication before hand. You can't just go into it blindly and guess or assume anything.

 

[petite]

LMAO... seriously giggly? I love it. That is how I get. At my age, I still cannot do something mischievous without the person knowing I'm up to no good. I immediately start giggling and laughing When do those sly emotions kick in? Where are they?

Ummm, and I had a root canal when I cracked a tooth. I had the man numb that whole side of my head basically until I KNEW I would feel no pain. If I went to the dentist and had to have work done and they didn't numb me I think I would start swinging pretty fast.

He's got a reputation for being very tough since he also does a lot of painful things for fun, like boxing and extreme sports (most of which I've made him stop doing). And yeah, he'll giggle if you tempt him to be mischievous and he can't resist.

He never has the dentist numb him up for any work. No novocaine, lidocaine, nitrous oxide, or acetaminophen. The wisdom teeth extractions were the biggest things he's ever had done without any pain medication.

I wish I could have him have the baby instead of me. I'm a big ole wimp!

But back to the OP, it's okay if you don't learn exactly what she wants, but it would be really helpful if you could find out a scene or fantasy that pushes her buttons. Some women have a particular fantasy or two that has been featured over and over again while they masturbate. For women who have those deep desires for something in particular that they've dreamed about for years, having a man finally fulfill that fantasy is everything they ever dreamed of.

If she won't tell, or she's still too shy, or she isn't helpful guiding you, like submissivegirl83, I'm into wrist pinning. I also like having my wrists tied. Oh, and something TheBF did that no one else has done before, if she's wearing cotton panties, then if you hook a finger under the part that goes over her hip, right were the seam is, and pull, the panties will tear right at the seam, exposing her. TheBF pulled that one out on me once, and it really turned me on! It probably works on other panties, too, I just don't know that for sure. They aren't made to be tough, so I imagine most would tear fairly easily.

I also like it when he puts his mouth up to my ear so I can hear his breathe and his sounds while he fucks me, but that's one of my fetishes, I love men's voices, so that might not work for her. She might think that's creepy. I'm also not into having my ass slapped during sex, just before or after sex, and I don't like having my hair pulled during sex in doggy style. TheBF once pulled my hair from behind when we were both standing to expose my neck and then he bit into my neck passionately, and that was very effective. It was a different kind of hair pull though, not using my hair as leverage while he fucked me, just used my hair to expose my neck to bite it and send shivers down my spine. Again, I don't know if any of these things will work on your gf because we're all different and have different tastes.

For example, in my ravishment fantasies, they only ever happen in one of two positions, so I want to be taken in those two ways to fulfill those fantasies. I'm not a "against the wall" fantasizer like a lot of women (of course, that also could be because I'm short and it wouldn't work as well for me as it would for a taller woman), unless we're in the shower because there's lots of things for me to hold onto and I can prop my foot up in the soap dish. I like having my wrist pulled up and held behind me, but a hand on my throat freaks me out. Other women like the idea of a hand on their throat while they're being fucked. Doggy style turns me on, but some women don't like how impersonal that feels and prefer to be ravished missionary style.

There's so many possibilities for what she could want, I think it's a good idea to try and figure out what she fantasizes about!

 

[petite]

I'll just post what I mailed the OP since there may be others who may want the advice.

I just wanted to let you know that before trying out anything new, you should go over exactly what she would like to try, if she would like her limits pushed, and how she wants things done. If you want, I can give you an online list of fetishes and activities that you can sit down and go through with her. As a Domme who has been in the lifestyle for 10+ years, I can not express enough that if you do not know how to properly go about delivering a physical punishment (for lack of a better word), then please ask someone and learn how to do it. Many people just try to dive in head first and can end up doing physical damage to someone. The most important thing is communication before hand. You can't just go into it blindly and guess or assume anything.

That's a great idea! I totally agree with you about communicating.

And you really do need to know how to use implements and a lot of bondage tools, if you're going to use them, because they really can cause serious damage if used improperly.

Do you have a link to that online list? That would be great.

 

[pain4anangel]

That's a great idea! I totally agree with you about communicating.

And you really do need to know how to use implements and a lot of bondage tools, if you're going to use them, because they really can cause serious damage if used improperly.

Do you have a link to that online list? That would be great.

If anyone has any specific questions about using a particular implement, feel free to ask me in a PM. Even rope and spanking can be dangerous if you go about it wrong. It's always better to have someone teach you in person, but talking with someone and viewing tutorials is much better than just trying it out yourself.

This is a very long list which encompasses a large range of activities. Click "continue" at the bottom of the page after reading the instructions. It is probably one of the better lists I have found out there.
The BRC BDSM Check List

 

[HiddenLacey]

He's got a reputation for being very tough since he also does a lot of painful things for fun, like boxing and extreme sports (most of which I've made him stop doing). And yeah, he'll giggle if you tempt him to be mischievous and he can't resist.

He never has the dentist numb him up for any work. No novocaine, lidocaine, nitrous acid, or acetaminophen. The wisdom teeth extractions were the biggest things he's ever had done without any pain medication.

I wish I could have him have the baby instead of me. I'm a big ole wimp!

But back to the OP, it's okay if you don't learn exactly what she wants, but it would be really helpful if you could find out a scene or fantasy that pushes her buttons. Some women have a particular fantasy or two that has been featured over and over again while they masturbate. For women who have those deep desires for something in particular that they've dreamed about for years, having a man finally fulfill that fantasy is everything they ever dreamed of.

If she won't tell, or she's still too shy, or she isn't helpful guiding you, like submissivegirl83, I'm into wrist pinning. I also like having my wrists tied. Oh, and something TheBF did that no one else has done before, if she's wearing cotton panties, then if you hook a finger under the part that goes over her hip, right were the seam is, and pull, the panties will tear right at the seam, exposing her. TheBF pulled that one out on me once, and it really turned me on! It probably works on other panties, too, I just don't know that for sure. They aren't made to be tough, so I imagine most would tear fairly easily.

I also like it when he puts his mouth up to my ear so I can hear his breathe and his sounds while he fucks me, but that's one of my fetishes, I love men's voices, so that might not work for her. She might think that's creepy. I'm also not into having my ass slapped during sex, just before or after sex, and I don't like having my hair pulled during sex in doggy style. TheBF once pulled my hair from behind when we were both standing to expose my neck and then he bit into my neck passionately, and that was very effective. It was a different kind of hair pull though, not using my hair as leverage while he fucked me, just used my hair to expose my neck to bite it and send shivers down my spine. Again, I don't know if any of these things will work on your gf because we're all different and have different tastes.

For example, in my ravishment fantasies, they only ever happen in one of two positions, so I want to be taken in those two ways to fulfill those fantasies. I'm not a "against the wall" fantasizer like a lot of women (of course, that also could be because I'm short and it wouldn't work as well for me as it would for a taller woman), unless we're in the shower because there's lots of things for me to hold onto and I can prop my foot up in the soap dish. I like having my wrist pulled up and held behind me, but a hand on my throat freaks me out. Other women like the idea of a hand on their throat while they're being fucked. Doggy style turns me on, but some women don't like how impersonal that feels and prefer to be ravished missionary style.

There's so many possibilities for what she could want, I think it's a good idea to try and figure out what she fantasizes about!

I think you just described a good part of thing things I think about :smile: Especially the hair pulling. It's different when they guide you or grasp you around the base of your neck and into your hair etc. Hair pulling and ripping takes me from hot to stone cold in a second. It just hate it. It takes me like ten minutes to comb my hair when I take a shower.... obviously I'm tender headed why would a man think he could yank on my hair I'll never understand. But that gripping, guiding tugging rocks my world. It makes me feel like I have to move the way he wants... it's controlling without really hurting me more than I am comfortable with. I love it. I want to do it because it makes me feel good.

Oh and that sexy dirty talk by the ear with those little muffled man sounds. *swoon*

 

[B_subgirrl]

As many on here would know by now, I love being dominated. But like the OP's gf I have trouble vocalising exactly what I want. With me I don't think it is shyness exactly. I just seem to freeze up mentally when anyone asks me general questions like that. However, if people offer suggestions I can easily say whether I would or wouldn't like it.

I would suggest you to make a list. A list of everything you could think of that is dominating and give it to her when you are not going to be around. Fold it in half, put it in an envelope or whatever. Give it to her and tell her she cannot open it until you leave.

Brilliant idea. I would find this to be an easy way of communicating all the things I couldn't put into words.

Don't you agree that most women have a pretty good idea of what they want from a man, I mean that most women have particular fantasies that she wants you to fulfill?

I definitely have some fantasies I'd love fulfilled. But those tend to be specific situational type fantasies. I don't think I'm explaining this too well. Maybe examples will help. OK, last night I had a dream that I was being gang banged, not quite willingly, in front of a lecture theatre full of people. It was a great dream and I'll be using it as fantasy material for some time to come I suspect, but telling my FB about it wouldn't really give him any insight into how to treat me while we are having sex. I don't think I really have any fantasies that are more closely related to real life, of the kind that would be helpful for my sex partner.

Thanks:biggrin1:

I would like to think most of us know what we want. I can only speak for myself when I say IRL I tend to be shy about it. I'm sure I could discuss it with the right person if I felt comfortable.

It can be hard trying to please a partner and sometimes I can keep wants/ needs to myself because I'm afraid of being judged.

I'm not afraid of being judged. I just can't speak about this stuff for some reason. But yet I can easily answer specific questions. Go figure!

I just wanted to let you know that before trying out anything new, you should go over exactly what she would like to try, if she would like her limits pushed, and how she wants things done. If you want, I can give you an online list of fetishes and activities that you can sit down and go through with her.

I was going to suggest that there are online lists, but you got in first :smile: