Dominating - advice from women

[cuck4you]

That was a great list. I am reviewing it now. thank you, Mistress.

 

[B_subgirrl]

If she won't tell, or she's still too shy, or she isn't helpful guiding you, like submissivegirl83, I'm into wrist pinning. I also like having my wrists tied.

Love it, love it, love it! Women are all different of course (does anyone else get sick of having to say that? It should be a given!), but if three of us have said we like it, maybe this is a commonly enjoyed thing?

Oh, and something TheBF did that no one else has done before, if she's wearing cotton panties, then if you hook a finger under the part that goes over her hip, right were the seam is, and pull, the panties will tear right at the seam, exposing her. TheBF pulled that one out on me once, and it really turned me on! It probably works on other panties, too, I just don't know that for sure. They aren't made to be tough, so I imagine most would tear fairly easily.

I would probably like this too, if I wore any.

I also like it when he puts his mouth up to my ear so I can hear his breathe and his sounds while he fucks me, but that's one of my fetishes, I love men's voices, so that might not work for her.

I like this as well! I love it when he whispers my more outrageous fantasies in my ear as he fucks me. It sort of makes it almost like they're really happening.

I'm also not into having my ass slapped during sex, just before or after sex,

While I like spanking that causes pain, light ass slapping just makes me giggle. Recently, my other FB (not the one I talk about all the time) did that while we were fucking and it was all I could do to hold back the giggles. This FB doesn't know that I like to be dominated. We have very vanilla sex :frown1:.

and I don't like having my hair pulled during sex in doggy style.

I don't like yanking, but I LOVE it when he wraps a hand in my hair and puts pressure on it. In any position, during sex or when we aren't fucking.

TheBF once pulled my hair from behind when we were both standing to expose my neck and then he bit into my neck passionately, and that was very effective.

Oooh, I love being bitten. One of my FBs used to leave my neck and shoulders black and blue from bites. I totally get off on the pain during sex, then after sex I get a thrill from the marks it leaves behind.

I'm not a "against the wall" fantasizer like a lot of women (of course, that also could be because I'm short and it wouldn't work as well for me as it would for a taller woman),

Against the wall doesn't work for me either. Like you, it could be a practical thing related to being short. I have had guys lift me up whilst having sex this way, and it kind of works, but I'm always scared that they will lose their grip and delicate body parts will get hurt.

unless we're in the shower because there's lots of things for me to hold onto and I can prop my foot up in the soap dish.

I really hate shower sex. I hate not being able to get a solid grip on anything because the walls and floor and so slippery. Makes me think we will fall. Plus, I like sex hard and fast, and that's difficult when everything is slippery.

I like having my wrist pulled up and held behind me, but a hand on my throat freaks me out. Other women like the idea of a hand on their throat while they're being fucked.

OMG! I can seriously cum just from having my throat grabbed and words whispered in my ear. My ex used to find this fascinating and did it on a fairly regular basis - despite his low sex drive! My FB makes a point of doing it while we're having sex because he knows it turns me on. Even a suggestion of a hand on my throat will get me wet in an instant and my FB has been known to take advantage of this fact in public.

Doggy style turns me on, but some women don't like how impersonal that feels and prefer to be ravished missionary style.

Doggy is my favourite position. I also happen to love missionary, and for me it's the best position to begin sex with so I can control how deep they are going until I open up completely. I also love sitting on their lap (I call it car sex position - you can see I had too much car sex as a young-un!), but it can be a bit painful with bigger guys.


See, I'm good saying yes or no to specific stuff - I just can't answer general questions!

 

[OK2K]

Some great info here folks, I really appreciate it. I'm quietly keeping all of this stuff to myself while I peruse her romance novels for erotic scenes....I think Petite is right, there's scenes in these books that have inspired a request!

I think many of you have similar turn-ons as her. She's not into the hardcore Dom thing, just a little bit rough I think. But we'll see.....

Anyways, keep the suggestions commin!

 

[deleted356736]

I read many of the posts, and they more-or-less line up with what my wife likes. Not hardcore dominance-submission roleplaying, but more a bit rough: tieing her up, spanking, light whipping, dirty talk, blindfolds, more. If I remember correctly she didn't mention it as a desire, but I think I smacked her or something like that and she really enjoyed it. So we went from there, gradually getting harder.

Like Petite's BF, she can't dominate me. I don't have a submissive personality, and I'm totally impervious to pain. But I think that's what attracts her: a man's man.

 

[Catnub]

I tend to agree with the notions posted earlier about not talking it to death ahead of time or during. Specifically, it may be easier for her to tell you what she likes and doesn't like after trying it. It's important that she can establish her boundaries, though. As long as you don't cross those boundaries (from experience, initiating sex while sleeping can be a BIG nono and make sure to treat anal sex cautiously), play around within them. Allow yourself to be aroused from your woman willing herself to you.

Make sure you have clear rules guidelines about when you can initiate sex without verbal permission. It's a big turnon to not need verbal permission if you're into light domination, but also very important not to take a wrong turn. And make sure that you have a way out in case that does happen, allowing both of you to save the situation without hurt feelings.

My fiance likes mild domination, and based on feedback I've risen to the challenge quite well A defining characteristic of her sexual preference is definitely that she wants me to take her and use her. If she's put in charge by too much questioning, that's a turnoff for her. We do a fair bit of talking afterwards, it's much easier for her to give feedback than to make suggestions. That's partly because she is that way in general, she loves it when I initiate or make decisions about other leisure activities too.

What we enjoy the most is spooning. This may not sound particularly dominant to you, but it works wonders for us. I'm tall and she's short, so this allows me to reach around for her breasts with my bottom arm, holding her close to me while I'm fucking her. With some dexterity you may be able to stimulate her clit with the other hand if your arms are long enough, else just holding it there also works.

It's also awesome foreplay to lie snuggled up like this, eventually growing hard and then pulling down her panties to penetrate her roughly while clutching her. Her neck is a highly erogenous zone, she loves feeling me moaning in her ear, pressing my cheek to hers or kissing her neck and upper back.

One thing we have fun doing is me making hard thrusts one at a time, either with breaks in between or soft strokes. Keeping her guessing about how and when she'll get it next time, and grasping her tightly as I thrust.

Lastly, a lot of it is about fantasies and talking dirty. She loves being called slut, bitch, whore and having me make up little stories while fucking her. Like telling her that I'll invite our neighbour or a colleague over one evening for dinner, then spin a fairly silly and certainly not artisticly impressive tale about how I'll fuck her roughly in front of him then let him have a go at her afterwards, and fuck her used cunt again after he's done with her. Stuff like this should probably be approached with caution, I can easily imagine girls being turned off of these things even if turned on by domination. But try with a few fantasies from her romance novels and make up little stories based on them, centering around the two of you.

What is absolutely most important is that you trust each other and communicate well. It's not terribly important to get everything right, it's far more important that mistakes and misunderstandings can be sorted out properly without her feeling violated or you feeling rejected. My fiance is wonderful about putting me down in a gentle manner if she just isn't up for sex, as she does enjoy me initiating sex without verbal permission.

Hope this helped! Good luck, and have fun

 

[pain4anangel]

I'd like to clarify that it's not like you sit down and talk it over and then do it. You sit down when you aren't horny to just discuss things. Then...later when she asks, you will know what to do. And don't make it a boring inquisition either. You can have fun with the lists. This is why I don't trust many guys to dominate me. And yes, I do like it in the bedroom (only!) once in a while. I'll be damned if I am going to have a fun time ruined when he attempts to try something I'm not down with.

I have this little name I made up...fratboy doms. The guys that bust out the fuzzy cuffs and start going to town with no clue what they are doing or the limits of the person they are hooking up with.

Obviously you may have some idea if you are in a relationship with someone, but never assume. And..........if someone is gagged....make sure you have a hand gesture (besides the middle finger) that indicates you aren't ok.

Another piece of advice...be very careful with verbal domination like some have said before. Some women have had the unpleasant experience of being raped/forced against their will into having sex and being called names. Just something to keep in mind.

Asking may sound like it "ruins the mood", but I can't stress enough how important it is. It will only ruin the mood if you sit down and map out a play-by-play right before you do it.

Just my two cents.

 

[Catnub]

This post says better what I was trying to say, from a woman's perspective:
http://www.lpsg.org/188331-a-little-selfishness-isnt-always.html

Obviously people's tastes are different, and I won't presume to try to make general statements. The above post matches very well what my fiance has said on the matter. I think a lot of this is about what is meant by domination, and to what extent. I'll readily admit that I'm a novice at that (and sex in general, for that matter) and am talking from the perspective of someone who enjoys very light domination.

You (pain4anangel) sound as if you're into freakier things Which is meant as a compliment, even if it's not my thing. For that kind of domination, I'd imagine that talking things through at length and possibly even planning out scenes would be both beneficial and crucial. For lesser domination (which is what I'm guessing the OP's girlfriend is interested in, at least at first), I stand by my guess that what she'd really like is for him to take charge. As such, giving feedback on what he's doing (after clearly stating her boundaries), might work better than talking things through beforehand. I wouldn't worry so much about finding out exactly what she wants and trying to deliver, as long as he has a bunch of ideas to try out that he thinks there's a good chance might appeal to her.

 

[petite]

If you look through a lot of other posts, dolfette in particular hates talking. I hate repeating myself so often on LPSG, but we're all different. The level of not talking in dolfette's relationship is the reason why I've broken up with several men. We're not all the same, and she in particular is at the extreme end of the "not talking" spectrum. Her Asperger's makes her particularly non-verbal and she hates it when a guy talks a lot. We aren't all like her.

I have to agree with pain4anangel. I like dominance in the bedroom, but even though I trust TheBF more than I've ever trusted anyone else I've ever slept with, I still feel much more comfortable talking to him about what turns me on and what doesn't, than not.

I would be extremely turned off if TheBF called me derogatory names and began to verbally abuse me, but I think that's because I associate that kind of language with men I really dislike, so I don't want the guy I'm about to have sex with act like that. I hate that stuff in real life, so I really wouldn't like it during sex. I have been raped and sexually assaulted, and it's very important to me that any role playing we do doesn't resemble those experiences. I don't want my fun sexy time to become, ew, this makes me feel like vomiting time.

I know that some submissive women like being called certain derogatory names during a domination scene, and that turns them on. Again, how would you know if you don't talk to them about it first?

I'm a big fan of role playing and sex scenes, but there's so many ways it could go terribly wrong and she'll never want to have sex with you again, or try again at all that there's a big part of me that feels that if you don't have the courage to bring the subject up and talk about it, or you don't possess the maturity to talk about what she wants and doesn't want, then you aren't ready to start playing those kinds of games. Either you need to grow some balls or your relationship needs to reach a point of greater comfort with one another.

Also, I don't get how anyone could read the posts in this thread or that one and conclude that women are all of the same mind. I would think that the posts in both those threads prove that women are all different in their tastes and desires and what they want from men, making it so that you should talk about sex with them.

I mean, I like shower sex but subbgrrl hates it. Subgrrl likes hair pulling in doggy style and me and submissivegirl83 don't like it. Submissivegirl83 wants to be taken against a wall but me and subgrrl don't want to be. I like it when the man picks me up and we fuck standing up, but subgrrl doesn't like it. Subbgirl likes a hand around her throat and I don't. And only dolfettte has expressed an interest in knife play. How on earth could you take the few women who have discussed these things in these threads as an example of how we all seem to like the same things?

 

[Catnub]

I didn't mean to imply that all women are of the same mind, far from it. That's what I meant to convey with this quote:

Obviously people's tastes are different, and I won't presume to try to make general statements

there's a big part of me that feels that if you don't have the courage to bring the subject up and talk about it, or you don't possess the maturity to talk about what she wants and doesn't want, then you aren't ready to start playing those kinds of games. Either you need to grow some balls or your relationship needs to reach a point of greater comfort with one another.

I agree with this, it's crucial to have good communications. My point was that some women may prefer to leave the initiative in the hands of the man, wanting to be surprised. Establishing boundaries is definitely important, regardless. I didn't mean to use the thread I linked to as a "proof" of what women want, it merely stated my points about the preference of some women better than I could.

 

[deleted356736]

We're all different, and this really hit me when I read Catnub's first post. My wife loves domination to be physical, but can't stand dirty talk at all! I don't like to talk things through too much, as this spoils the surprise, and surprise is sexy. It's probably best to know your partner, and what worked for us is to try something as a once-off and observe the reaction, and then talk about it later.

 

[pain4anangel]

I would be extremely turned off if TheBF called me derogatory names and began to verbally abuse me, but I think that's because I associate that kind of language with men I really dislike, so I don't want the guy I'm about to have sex with act like that. I hate that stuff in real life, so I really wouldn't like it during sex. I have been raped and sexually assaulted, and it's very important to me that any role playing we do doesn't resemble those experiences. I don't want my fun sexy time to become, ew, this makes me feel like vomiting time.

Yeah, that's kind of what I was getting at in my other post. I hate it (verbal degradation) as well. It makes me want to vomit. Stats are different in every country, but the average numbers are 1 out of 4 to 1 out of every 6 women have been sexually assulted in her life. I hate to turn this into some sort of depressing post, but it's very true. Words are such an easy trigger to bad memories. I know from experience.

I'm not trying to make any guys afraid of approaching fun times in the bedroom, but sex can be a touchy subject with a lot of women. My sex life has been greatly affected by men and how I've been treated. I can not and have not had sex with any emotions attached...ever. I don't even know if I can. Of course I've never been with a guy who really cared about me either. Maybe that's my defense mechanism. I love sex, but I don't really care about you while we are doing it. I care about your needs, but not your emotional level towards me....if that makes sense. That's why it can be difficult to find a FB sometimes. Men think that women will "fall for them" if they start having sex on a casual basis. I tell them I'm not like that and could care less. Too many guys run into the emotional connection and attachment with women I guess. Someday I hope I find someone who will break down that wall with me. Wow...I totally vented and got off post a bit. Just ignore most of it lol.

Anyway, even if your woman wants you to plan it and do it all yourself...you can still bring up little things in day to day conversations to find out more about her and how she feels. You don't have to make it sound like you are talking about sex or planning something out. I know some men lack the ability of being sly and having tact, but just try your hardest lol.

You may want the spontanious fun time, but every woman is different. You can have one woman love it and another curl up in the fetal position in the corner of the room having a panic attack. I don't really care if you want to be spontanious. There are ways to find things out before you play. Ugh I'm getting angry...sorry.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'm not a talker, as I've stated before - not in a serious, actually related to me having sex kind of way anyway. Unless someone asks me specific questions - that would be fine. I certainly wouldn't want to do any talking right around the time we're actually having sex.

When my FB and I first met, before we ever had sex, we'd spent a few months talking about what we liked sexually. Not because we thought we'd have sex (we didn't, or at least I didn't), just because we both liked sex and liked to share our interest in it. He was the first person I opened up to about me being heavily into BDSM (at that point it was still more in a fantasy sense than anything else). I emailed him a few stories I'd found interesting. All this talking was OK for me because it was all sort of abstract. I didn't think he'd ever need to use it :smile:

Then we started actually having sex. When we began, he certainly didn't jump straight in to the point where we are now, even though he already had a fairly good idea of what I did and didn't like. He used what I'd said and the stories I'd sent him as a bit of a starting point - an idea of what I liked. But he started gently and worked his way up. He'd try doing something in a very light and gentle way, and if I responded well he upped the ante. And we still work largely in that way now. We still talk about sex heaps, but I get a bit nervous and embarrassed if it gets less than abstract - wish I could figure out why. Despite my nervousness, he pushes me into answering specific questions sometimes (which I actually like). He still manages to learn something new about what i like every now and then.

So talking did help us, although it's not something I feel comfortable with. And I would never have been able to open up in the way I did initially if I'd actually thought we were going to fuck. Also, even now I would certainly NOT want to talk about stuff right before having sex - it definitely spoils the mood for me. I don't want to be asked what I want or if I like what is going on while I'm in the moment - completely fucks up my headspace.

I think the thread mentioned earlier is a good one to read if you're interested in D/s. While it's not directly about D/s, a lot of the same principles apply, and we do sort stray into that area occasionally. It also illustrates the different views women can have on this sort of thing - from Dolf at one extreme, to Petite at the other extreme, with others of us somewhere in between. The selfishness in bed thread was one of my favourites actually.

And on the subject of being called names during sex: This part of Catnub's first post practically had me cumming on the spot. I think that says it all :biggrin1:

Lastly, a lot of it is about fantasies and talking dirty. She loves being called slut, bitch, whore and having me make up little stories while fucking her. Like telling her that I'll invite our neighbour or a colleague over one evening for dinner, then spin a fairly silly and certainly not artisticly impressive tale about how I'll fuck her roughly in front of him then let him have a go at her afterwards, and fuck her used cunt again after he's done with her.

 

[Catnub]

Hey now, this is a serious thread! *sternly removes subgirl's hand and cuffs her for good measure*

pain4anangel, I don't find your post depressing or angry at all. In fact, your points about boundaries and the need for security are probably the most important things about domination (and sex in general). I'm really sorry to hear about the things you've experienced. I hate to turn amateur therapist, but those things sound so much like what my fiance has described. Her first relationship was highly abusive, and subsequently she had a large number of partners with emotional detatchment both ways. And now for us, the emotional connection is the most vital part of our sex life. More so when being dominated, and I make sure to treat her like a princess afterwards.

It actually puzzled me quite a bit at first (and even worried me some) that she was turned on by this kind of domination in spite of what she's been through. She loves having the word rape being used during sex, which was not easy for me to accept right away. Now I'm convinced that it's not a display of unhealthy and self degrading emotions, so I go with the flow. Would you say that your sexual preference has been shaped by those bad experiences you've been through as well? I'm really sorry if I upset you with these sentiments, that was not my intention.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Hey now, this is a serious thread! *sternly removes subgirl's hand and cuffs her for good measure*

You wanna make me cum again? Because that's where you're heading :biggrin1:

pain4anangel, I don't find your post depressing or angry at all. In fact, your points about boundaries and the need for security are probably the most important things about domination (and sex in general).

Yep, those things are ultra important. I would never do D/s with someone I didn't have immense trust for.

I'm really sorry to hear about the things you've experienced. I hate to turn amateur therapist, but those things sound so much like what my fiance has described. Her first relationship was highly abusive, and subsequently she had a large number of partners with emotional detatchment both ways.

This is a really hard thing to deal with in a relationship. An ex of mine was abused as a child and would sometimes have some very difficult moments during sex (and at other time of course). The pain I felt for him is indescribable. It's a terrible thing to happen to someone and I admire anyone who can move on and past it.

And now for us, the emotional connection is the most vital part of our sex life. More so when being dominated, and I make sure to treat her like a princess afterwards.

For me, there is something about D/s that is really intense emotionally. I feel it with my FB and I'm not even in love with him. I think the power imbalance, and the sense of trusting someone that intensely (or having them trust you that intensely) is just intoxicating.

It actually puzzled me quite a bit at first (and even worried me some) that she was turned on by this kind of domination in spite of what she's been through. She loves having the word rape being used during sex, which was not easy for me to accept right away. Now I'm convinced that it's not a display of unhealthy and self degrading emotions, so I go with the flow. Would you say that your sexual preference has been shaped by those bad experiences you've been through as well? I'm really sorry if I upset you with these sentiments, that was not my intention.

I've known for over 10 years that I'm into BDSM and to be honest, it still puzzles me. I actually spent some years wondering if I had repressed memories of childhood abuse or something, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Puzzled or not, I figure accepting it and going with the flow is my best option.

 

[pain4anangel]

Would you say that your sexual preference has been shaped by those bad experiences you've been through as well? I'm really sorry if I upset you with these sentiments, that was not my intention.

I think it has. Being a Domme allows me to have control over most situations. Although at the same time, I am a very loving, caring, compassionate (almost motherly) Domme. I still get hurt by those who do not take things seriously. I lead with my heart unfortunately and I am far too nice. I give people chances they probably shouldn't have had. Still, being a Domme taps into a stronger part of me. I am very good at what I do and I feel this is an important role for me. I am very D/s oriented and less S&M and sex oriented. I also prefer orgasm denial, restrictions, and chastity for male subs.

My emotional wall with having sex has definitely been shaped by bad experiences. I didn't have sex until I was 24. I didn't even start dating until then either. I wasn't ready. When I did have sex, I did it because I wanted to and I have realized that sex is just sex. Many men just use women for sex and I don't want to be duped or used. I just go into it for sex and nothing else. I don't want to be lied to or tricked. What still eats me up are the guys who still insist on feedin BS lines when they know I just want to hookup. They try to make it sound like they actually like me and are interested in me. There is no reason for it and they do it anyway. It messes with my head. Maybe they are so programmed into having to lie to women that it's just natural for them. When guys tell me they are interested in me, I just assume it's for sex. Trust is something that has been very messed up for me. They have to prove they like me for me with actions and not words. Words mean nothing. I wish they did because I like hearing them, but it's always been just a lie.

And you are fine. You didn't upset me. It's just how my life works and I'm not afraid to speak out about it.

 

[sxy_vince]

Yeah, but one of the best things about sex is when your partner fulfills a fantasy you didn't even know you had.

Well, ballpark yes, but specifics, to me, kind of ruins it. It's like if you have to tell your partner how you want to be dominated, then it seems like he's not really dominating. I don't know if that makes sense. It's like having to tell your partner you want wine and roses and dinner at chez louis for Valentine's day.

I agree with your statement above New End. If a man is are too "eager to please" and looking for feedback then he is a contradiction of what some women refer to as "dominant".

In addition, some women don't know what they like because a lot of men are too hesitant about being domineering.

That's why the little tips are useful. You can try them to test the waters, and then gauge her reaction. I thought the tip about leaving her panties on around her ankles was new to me. Thanks to whoever suggested that.

I have heard the one about ripping the panties before, but I would be scared about ruining an expensive and favourite piece of lingere!

I find that holding a girl down by her wrists works well. And biting, of course. I am also quite into being rough and "throwing her around" but that comes pretty naturally to me.

 

[petite]

I agree with your statement above New End. If a man is are too "eager to please" and looking for feedback then he is a contradiction of what some women refer to as "dominant".

In addition, some women don't know what they like because a lot of men are too hesitant about being domineering.

That's why the little tips are useful. You can try them to test the waters, and then gauge her reaction. I thought the tip about leaving her panties on around her ankles was new to me. Thanks to whoever suggested that.

I have heard the one about ripping the panties before, but I would be scared about ruining an expensive and favourite piece of lingere!

I find that holding a girl down by her wrists works well. And biting, of course. I am also quite into being rough and "throwing her around" but that comes pretty naturally to me.

It doesn't matter what you think. The OP needs to ask his GIRLFRIEND what HER definition of dominance is, since there's obviously a lot of disagreement about what it could mean to someone.

I mean, he is doing it for HER, right?

(And this is off topic, but it makes me wonder: Why do men even bother asking women what their opinions are, if they're just going to sit around and agree with the other men? It's like they want to dominate women in order to please the other heterosexual guys or something.)

 

[Catnub]

Yes, it does matter what he thinks. A big part of wanting to be dominated (again, according to my fiance as well as dolfette's post) is about wanting her man to consume her. She's also stated in general terms what she's like, and that she isn't really sure exactly what it is. She's essentially given him the go ahead to experiment with it, for their mutual pleasure. The OP is up for it, but feels a little in unknown territory. We're just trying to be helpful and I think it's pretty good advice, especially since it's backed up with first-hand empirical evidence I'm sure he knows his girlfriend well enough to determine which of this would work well for her, and is able to think for herself. Nothing wrong with a bunch of accounts from other couples about what works for them.

 

[B_New End]

(And this is off topic, but it makes me wonder: Why do men even bother asking women what their opinions are, if they're just going to sit around and agree with the other men? It's like they want to dominate women in order to please the other heterosexual guys or something.)

He laid out pretty simply what she said she liked,

from OP

A few of the things she's mentioned that she'd like is light hair pulling and some light bondage.

So why are the two of you talking about pain and implements? Light bondage is pretty safe. The biggest way to screw it up is to be timid with it. If OK2K starts to slap her face and call her a dirty slut while cutting her with razor blades, he is an idiot. I'm just going on the assumption he has a fairly well communicated relationship with his g/f. she already gave him the green light. She trusts him not to run her over.

A man that feels no pain can still be dominated, BTW. Domination does not require pain. It's mental, like most sex is. As they say in the business world, "you hear, but are not listening to your customer"

This has nothing to do with pleasing other men, and it's not a big high-five party. The fact is, a lot of the women on this board are more extreme in their sexual tastes than the average woman. Maybe one day OP's g/f will like pain and chains and whips and leather, but she is just now exploring domination.

When it comes to soft domination, there really is no need to ask, you just do, and receive feedback later. The worst that can happen is she'll laugh at you, and in my experience, the domination gets rougher over time. The best time to talk about it is afterwards, not before. It's just one of those nice things about sex where afterward the couple talks about what they liked and did not like. More than likely she does not want to discuss safe words and pain. You can talk before in abstracts, throw out hints, and even mention what you want to do/will do, and she will respond either positively or negatively. Don't say, "Would it be ok if maybe I spanked you?" while sitting in the living room. Walk up to her while shopping for groceries, grab her ass, and whisper in her ear, "I'm gonna slap your ass* red when I get you home for making me so hard" She'll either laugh, and say. "No you won't!" or she'll laugh and then say... "mmmmmm".

Being raised a good Catholic girl has made her pretty repressed when it comes to talking about it.

BTW, OK2K, this explains a bit. She just wants to be morally irresponsible for what happens to her. She wants the pleasure of sex, but also wants to feel that she was not allowed to resist it. It puts her mind at ease. This is very common. A catholic schoolgirl may be the type to eventually want more serious domination, but that is really dependent on her and the progression of the relationship.

*Regarding talking dirty, read the books. Learn the dirty vocabulary they use. More than likely there are phrases in there that get her over the edge when she reads them.

 

[Catnub]

When it comes to soft domination, there really is no need to ask, you just do, and receive feedback later. The worst that can happen is she'll laugh at you, and in my experience, the domination gets rougher over time. The best time to talk about it is afterwards, not before. It's just one of those nice things about sex where afterward the couple talks about what they liked and did not like. More than likely she does not want to discuss safe words and pain. You can talk before in abstracts, throw out hints, and even mention what you want to do/will do, and she will respond either positively or negatively. Don't say, "Would it be ok if maybe I spanked you?" while sitting in the living room. Walk up to her while shopping for groceries, grab her ass, and whisper in her ear, "I'm gonna slap your ass* red when I get you home for making me so hard" She'll either laugh, and say. "No you won't!" or she'll laugh and then say... "mmmmmm".

*high fives West End!*

That point about her being a repressed Catholic schoolgirl is interesting, as my fiance comes from the opposite approach. She's not repressed in the least and is very open about her sexuality, so for her it's not about evading moral responsibility. I think it's actually primarily about feeling protected (as she's had some bad experiences in life), and wanting me to project strength in order to get that feeling.