Don't laugh.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Mirai, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. Mirai

    Mirai New Member

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    Hi, I'm Mike.

    I enjoy dancing, cooking, gaming, music, exercising, writing, reading, debating, art, and a plethora of other activities that I'm not even going to get into right now.

    At least, that's my profile. Somewhere. Probably in my head. But it's missing something. Sex.

    I am a virgin. Why? I don't know. I have many theories, ideas, but in the end it really just comes down to the fact that I really don't know why.

    I've always been a very sexually oriented person. I enjoy doing pseudosexual things like massage, and am relatively good at them, but the act of sex itself is a foriegn, eerie idea that haunts my life. It never happened. Everyone told me that it would happen when it was ready to happen, but that time never came. I don't know if it's my personality or my mannerisms, or my habits, or even if it has anything to do with me at all. I'm lost, confused, and beginning to come up with reasons as to why I don't want it. And that's possibly the most scary of all, because someday, I'd like to experience it, however awkward and worthless the experience is.

    Sigh.

    I just wanted to get that off my chest, thanks for listening..
     
  2. davidjh7

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    First, Welcome to the forum. Second, take some pressure off yourself. Sex is mostly chance, anyway. It happens when two people have chemistry, and opportunity. You just haven;t had both at the same time yet--the key word is yet. And it will likely happen sooner rather than later, so try not to sweat it too much.
     
  3. windtalkerways

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    Hello and welcome.

    I'd say the reason you haven't given
    it a go is embedded (no pun intended)
    in your last sentence.

    You seem to think it will be awkward
    and worthless.

    No-one's first experience is candlelight
    and roses. However, the wish to
    experience sex with another human
    allows us to try it yet again and again
    because it's, well...so darn delicious! :tongue:
     
  4. Chuck64

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    A big hello from rural Texas to the middle of nowhere!

    Welcome to the group Mirai.
     
  5. GoneA

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    actually, i'm of the same mind as windy on this one

    if you first resolve in yourself that sex is something 'fairly worthwhile' it might spark an interest in you to pursue it. sex just ain't gonna spontaneously happen! but please, please don't get me wrong, there's no rush! i'd rather you wait to have sex than rush it just for 'the experience'.
     
  6. Mirai

    Mirai New Member

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    This in itself is one of the reasons I wonder about it. Everyone I know, have seen, or undertand has changed after they taste that nectar of human lust. They want it again. And again. And more, and more, etc. It really does change people. It's all men can think about. Quite honestly, it seems worse than a heroin addiction. I've gone without sex for 22 years, I've proven to myself I neither crave nor want it. The only thing that nags at me is my insatiable desire to experience new things. Beyond that, I really don't care.
     
  7. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    And yet you're on a forum relating to issues of sex and sexuality. Who are you trying to convince that you don't care - us or you?

    As for the heroin addiction argument: heroin is going to kill an addict in the end, and frequently it's not a hugely prolonged process. Sex, on the other hand, is non-lethal for most people (especially if it's safe sex) and has been enjoyed by otherwise well-rounded people for millennia.

    I hate to say it, but the term 'sexaphobia' is at the forefront of my mind after reading your comments.
     
  8. Matthew

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    Mirai, obviously everyone is a virgin until some point in their lives. There are folks who post here who have waited longer than you. It's going to happen for you. I think the question is finding the person or people you want to experience it with - female or male, casual or in a relationship, or some combination.

    Once that's clear, you will have some idea of where to put yourself out there to meet the right person/people. When you want to get with a fish, you learn to swim with the school. *insert stupid fish joke here*
     
  9. windtalkerways

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    Or just insert a fish instead...
     
  10. GoneA

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    please windy, no givin' the trolls ideas
     
  11. windtalkerways

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    Oops...you are sooo right, Gonnie!:wink:

    Cancel the shipment of sea bass...
     
  12. GoneA

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    hahaha
     
  13. Matthew

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    Hey! What part of "Don't laugh" didn't you understand???
     
  14. GoneA

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    which is even funnier, because i thought that after i posted it ....
     
  15. windtalkerways

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    Good one!!! :biggrin1:
     
  16. NYC8"

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    Mike:

    22-year-old virgin guys are unheard-of in popular media, but on Earth they're not so rare.

    Considering how sexual behavior surveys are based on just personal statements--and anonymous personal statements--in a context that can make one feel as "normal" and "powerful" as whatever definition of such words one has been tricked into believing--I would put very little weight behind them. Guys lose their virginity at 16 like they have 9-inch cocks, if you know what I mean.

    3 of my closest male friends were still virgins at your age (22), and so was I. And they didn't magically lose it the day they turned 23 either.... time tends to pass, especially once you get out of school and aren't totally surrounded by experimental-minded, relatively unpressured people all your age and actually have to work full-time... oh shit, that just made me miss college so much. Anyway.

    People can maintain their virginity without even meaning to, practically by accident, and no one would think bad of you for it since it's not necessarily a reflection of your kindness, maturity, social skills, or "normality." If you're not good at casual hookups and if you work long hours, it can be really difficult. If you have a hard time meeting people and can only really even try on a weekend, well, that's a *maximum* of only 50 opportunities per year. And how dedicated are you? How many of those weekends are taken up by family commitments, or just socializing-for-fun, or emotionally healthy sloth?

    The point? Don't be scared or depressed and don't be so hard on yourself.

    At the same time, don't make the mistake of thinking everybody has a "sex ration" that is just kind of automatically coming to you.... the arguments you have already heard, of how "your time will come" or "you'll find somebody" or "it will happen at the right time." I heard that all the damn time and I'm ashamed by how long it took me to realize it's a complete lie. No, it won't "happen." You have to DO it, actively. It may be at a time that you don't expect, but you still have to be out there, trying, with somebody.... You have to devote yourself to it because you really actively want it, and you have to be ready to fail or be shot down more times than you will succeed... it's just part of life, anyone you could possibly encounter will have experienced the same thing.

    Now, if you're worried about why you don't seem to actively want it so much.... well, there are varying libido levels out there. Obviously if you don't want it, you shouldn't force yourself to hunt for it, since chances are you'd end up being conflicted and guilt-ridden at the time. It's an intimate physical activity, where you let down all your usual defenses, expose yourself to someone else in all senses of the word, and it's something people are terrified of being bad at despite the awareness that EVERYBODY is or was bad at it at some point in their lives (see: The Matrix, with Keanu Reeves' first jump off the building. He went on to save the fucking world, man! WHOAH!) Also, something that is hard for some people to get past--you are inviting an actual human being, which is basically a very very large *animal*, in to share your personal space and be all over you. If you're not used to having someone, that can be damn scary. That isn't part of the cultural myth of The Guy, who is supposed to be able to get off with a reasonably tight knothole, but it's true.

    What does all that mean? Desire MUST outweigh fear, or at least equal it. Don't just go into it like you've got to prove something to somebody. And don't do it to try to "catch up" to everybody else. You can't catch up to EVERYBODY, to all the stories you heard from EVERYBODY, and as long as you measure your own accomplishments in terms of the combined total of EVERYBODY else's, you will never be satisfied with your own. Just a single person's lust can be strong enough, don't hamstring yourself by trying to race with every memory of every stupid adolescent almost-guaranteed-lie you still remember your buddies telling you.

    Anyway. Hope this didn't come off as patronizing or whatever, it's just stuff that helped me, and again, I was another 20something virgin too.
     
  17. Gisella

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    " I'm lost, confused, and beginning to come up with reasons as to why I don't want it. And that's possibly the most scary of all, because someday, I'd like to experience it, however awkward and worthless the experience is."


    Hi Mike,

    Good thing u are opening up :wink:

    Hope u find someone close to u and who u trust and that can help u but dont keep talking just to yourself because i think u are going to find the same reasons for the "whys" not.

    A good thing is not rush to do it just for doing it because when is "right" its a wonderful experience.

    take care!:smile:
     
  18. tallguypns

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    Don't sweat being a virgin. I didn't have sex with a woman for the first time until I was 23. I liked it so much that I gave it up and it was 4 more years before I had sex again, this time with a man. I like that so much that I have sex once a year every year. Point is, who cares what anyone thinks about your virginity or promiscuity, as long as you are happy with who you are.
     
  19. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    Are you sure that isn't Christmas? :rolleyes:
     
  20. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I love Christmas.. I have this Mistletoe belt.. and when u wear it... well you know:wink:
    Merry christmas everyone!!

    Jumps into room with "special Belt" on:tongue:
     
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