Double standard snub

D_Vladimir Jurkov

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No, it's not about changing. It's about making you aware of yourself- how someone else may perceive you. You'd be amazed at what you learn about yourself. It could be something that you either like or dislike, and you may not even be aware of such things. I know that it could sound like a slap in the face, but you've already been snubbed. And she tells her friends that you're a weirdo for asking for criticism, then that's obviously not the type of girl you should have been going out on a date with anyway. You seem like a very a genuine person. Just from looking at your pictures, your videos, and some of the things you've said, I gather that you may be a bit shy, maybe even a little introverted, hypersexual, and possibly even sensitive. I could be wrong, but that's just what I gather. (If you want a break down of why I believe those things, I'll be happy to explain). Just be you, dude =) And be confident. People can suck, I know, but always keep your head up and like you!


Different people perceive different things, I'm not gonna start changing because knowing me, the thing I change will wind up being the dealbreaker for the next girl. I noticed myself a little nervous and shy, but I didn't think it was anything detrimental. I would've shared more about myself if my mind wasn't going blank as it often does when I'm nervous. Not that I was a brick wall, I added my two cents when are where I could. The part about her telling her friends isn't about her - it's about her friends telling their friends. Then I might as well leave the whole area because I'll be blacklisted among the female race here. Not risking that. I'd much rather be the guy who takes it as (or is it with) a grain of salt.

I'm not saying this girl is horrible, it seems that has been the consensus among a few people here. She is really sweet - just a little confusing, perhaps a little confused. Although, maybe I was a bit confusing, too. But I thought for sure I was obviously nervous. When she sent that text message I thought it was ok and was going to send a message after a week had passed, telling her that I really did enjoy the "date" and admit to my nervousness as to explain why I wasn't as responsive. I did smile throughout though, as well as paid for the meal and insisted on taking her home even after she said she was ok.
 

B_Bjen2848

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You're a sexist pig.

And women aren't the only people who do this, men do it too. The only time it seems like the woman has the upper hand is when a man lacks GAME. Yeah, I said it. The reason why guys go crazy over women is because women put forth more effort in their appearance and what they have to offer. Lets be for real, women are selling a product, themselves- and they know how to market it. It sounds like some of you straight guys need to take it upon yourselves to do the same. Women have no problem chasing after a man- as long as he's worth chasing.

Just sayin'


how am i a sexist pig? because i suggest that double standards tend to be hushed a bit more when women benefit? just an observation ive noticed ...

and to the OP, dante is right, you need to sell yourself and make her chase you (i think thats what hes saying) ... and try not to get attached to someone unless you KNOW they are highly interested in you because you'll just end up getting hurt ... people (women) get bored when you "ask" them to hang out etc. if they want to go out with you, they will make themselves available ... try not to be the first person to call or text after you make the initial step in getting to know them

and someone else pointed out that you both have mutual friends so it could be very likely she asked her friends about you and she heard something that turned her off completely (must have been pretty bad, or you might have a "frienemy" who is spredding nasty stuff about you)

but at the end of the day you just have to keep your head up and move on until you find someone worth calling:smile:
 

B_Bjen2848

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I'm not saying this girl is horrible, it seems that has been the consensus among a few people here. She is really sweet - just a little confusing, perhaps a little confused. Although, maybe I was a bit confusing, too. But I thought for sure I was obviously nervous. When she sent that text message I thought it was ok and was going to send a message after a week had passed, telling her that I really did enjoy the "date" and admit to my nervousness as to explain why I wasn't as responsive. I did smile throughout though, as well as paid for the meal and insisted on taking her home even after she said she was ok.


nobody is saying she's horrible, she's just not into you

i know nothing about this girl, or you for that matter, but this little paragraph pretty much said it all, she was just being nice to you when she sent the message about having a good time

when someone is attracted to someone else, there is no "confusion" they either are or they aren't, and if you sense that there is any sort of confusion, 99 times out of 100, the answer is a no

maybe she was turned off by the insecurity you might have showed throughout the date, telling her that you were nervous and you would have "opened up more" (code language for "i would have done better") if you weren't so nervouse etc. and having an excuse or explainations for your actions/antics ... all of these things are generally not attractive for women

the two obvious things that jumped out were
1. she didn't accept the ride home with you
2. (correct me if i am wrong) she didn't speak/make contact with you in a week

the second one is the biggest because like i said earlier, if she was attracted to you, she would have gotten a hold of you somehow .. you should probably just sever all ties with her because i doubt she will be coming back (nothing against you, but thats just what it looks like based on what you posted) ... and if there was some miraculous reason why she could not get in contact with you and she really was attracted to you, then she will rebuild the line of communication herself to get to you

hope i helped
 

D_Vladimir Jurkov

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...she was just being nice to you when she sent the message about having a good time

when someone is attracted to someone else, there is no "confusion" they either are or they aren't, and if you sense that there is any sort of confusion, 99 times out of 100, the answer is a no

maybe she was turned off by the insecurity you might have showed throughout the date, telling her that you were nervous and you would have "opened up more" (code language for "i would have done better") if you weren't so nervouse etc. and having an excuse or explainations for your actions/antics ... all of these things are generally not attractive for women

the two obvious things that jumped out were
1. she didn't accept the ride home with you
2. (correct me if i am wrong) she didn't speak/make contact with you in a week

hope i helped



I still don't get why she would have sent a text message that took up nearly all 160 (or is it 140? w/e) characters.

I got the impression that she was very into me during our lunch. She was saying my name quite a bit, along with other signs.

Exactly what I thought about telling her I was nervous. Glad I didn't do that. Thought it might be taken as a compliment tho - like, "hey, you're so attractive that it makes me nervous." Guess not.

She did accept the ride, just that at first she said she said she was fine and it may have been just to be polite because she knew I didn't wanna go all the way out to her for the first meeting (seemed a little desperate for the first get-together when she's a good hour away.)
Correct on 2 though, she didn't contact me in a week - although I sent her a facebook request a few days later. I sent the request at night and she accepted first thing the next morning. I figured it was a good sign because if she wasn't interested anymore she would've denied it.
 

D_Vladimir Jurkov

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and someone else pointed out that you both have mutual friends so it could be very likely she asked her friends about you and she heard something that turned her off completely (must have been pretty bad, or you might have a "frienemy" who is spredding nasty stuff about you)

I briefly touched on this in one of my posts, thats unlikely. Plus, if that were to happen you'd think she'd ask about me BEFORE giving me her number without my asking.
 

B_Bjen2848

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I still don't get why she would have sent a text message that took up nearly all 160 (or is it 140? w/e) characters.

I got the impression that she was very into me during our lunch. She was saying my name quite a bit, along with other signs.

Exactly what I thought about telling her I was nervous. Glad I didn't do that. Thought it might be taken as a compliment tho - like, "hey, you're so attractive that it makes me nervous." Guess not.

She did accept the ride, just that at first she said she said she was fine and it may have been just to be polite because she knew I didn't wanna go all the way out to her for the first meeting (seemed a little desperate for the first get-together when she's a good hour away.)
Correct on 2 though, she didn't contact me in a week - although I sent her a facebook request a few days later. I sent the request at night and she accepted first thing the next morning. I figured it was a good sign because if she wasn't interested anymore she would've denied it.


what did her message say?

and facebook is a very interesting creature, people will be "friends" with anyone ... if you give somebody directions to the nearest gas station, they request you, if you stood next to someone at a urinal, they'll request you, if someone offers you gum, they'll request you .. so being "facebook friends" doesn't really mean anything ... but you are right if she denied you then that would be a very clear sign lol
 

EmJay

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That's Madea, Bud!!! Madea is the shit! I feel that I can relate to her on so many levels... Except I'm 25 and a male (even though she's played by a male), and I'm not a grandparent. Cheers Mate!


OOPs..in another tread i said Medina..LOL..I meant Madea!!..:redface:

Absolutely, and I'm glad you didn't take offense. You seem like a sweet guy. What I will say is this- you'd only be calling to find out what happened. You can't be worried about how you're going to come off, especially to someone who isn't even communicating with you. At this point, she's no longer in your life, so it really doesn't matter.I personally would ask for two reasons: 1. To get an explanation of why there's no interest and to express that there's no hard feelings and maybe you could be friends. 2. To find out what were possible turn offs, and what were the turn ons- so that you'll be aware of this going forward.

Hey, kiddo- what's it going to hurt?! I mean, right now, you have no idea what the hell happened. At least you could possibly get some answers. And if none are provided, then it's not like you lost anything. Trust me, I'm gay and too wise and smart for my own good.


Loved your post..however as a woman..I would say..that if you were still early in the dating phase..I would not go back for an explanation..

In essence when you are rejected..without as much as a polite word..its never about you. Its always..or for the most part about the person doing the rejecting ( their views on you, behaviour, what they like or don't).. reason for rejections could be downright superficial up to' not feeling it' etc..Provided that you behaved correctly and being your relaxed and cordial self.

It doesnt matter anymore...they werent into you..that's that--glad you found out early..and you didnt get stuck with a girl that would hang on to you out of you 'being just good enough'..

To me..in this phase coming back for answers comes across insecure. If you have been dating someone for a few weeks and this happens..they disappear suddenly..than yes..you go out and ask. But after just a first date..I wouldn't. some people have bad manners, or find it hard to express the stupid things they reject others for..

I have dated and have also disliked guys for dumb reasons, but I always either told them personally or by text, email that i didnt feel enough chemistry between us to proceed further and thanked them for a good time and wished them well dating other beautiful women. That's it!!!..nothing more is needed to be respectful. And I have come across many guys who didn't respect me enough to do the same. But that hasn't changed how i behave. I take responsibility for my own actions and sleep well at night.

She had bad manners, you don't have the time for those people..leave it at that..and date another one..

@Bjen: your views on women and their behaviour is so screwed? For real. everytime i see one of your posts i am sincerely questioning your intelligence..and especially your emotional intelligence. You absolutely lack the ability to comprehend the information that has been given to you by many men and women ever since you ever posted a single word here.I pity the woman you end up with if you don't get your act together..but I also suspect that she will not be the brightest of the bunch..:cool:

Update: this was posted before I saw the rest of the posts..
 
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EmJay

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nobody is saying she's horrible, she's just not into you

i know nothing about this girl, or you for that matter, but this little paragraph pretty much said it all, she was just being nice to you when she sent the message about having a good time

when someone is attracted to someone else, there is no "confusion" they either are or they aren't, and if you sense that there is any sort of confusion, 99 times out of 100, the answer is a no

maybe she was turned off by the insecurity you might have showed throughout the date, telling her that you were nervous and you would have "opened up more" (code language for "i would have done better") if you weren't so nervouse etc. and having an excuse or explainations for your actions/antics ... all of these things are generally not attractive for women

the two obvious things that jumped out were
1. she didn't accept the ride home with you
2. (correct me if i am wrong) she didn't speak/make contact with you in a week

the second one is the biggest because like i said earlier, if she was attracted to you, she would have gotten a hold of you somehow .. you should probably just sever all ties with her because i doubt she will be coming back (nothing against you, but thats just what it looks like based on what you posted) ... and if there was some miraculous reason why she could not get in contact with you and she really was attracted to you, then she will rebuild the line of communication herself to get to you

hope i helped

Hmm..there is hope for you yet..:rolleyes:
 

AlteredEgo

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So I go out with a girl and when I drop her off, she says to text her when I get home to let her know I got home alright (she is about an hour away and was worried I'd get lost.) So I do, and mention how I had a good time and hope to meet again next week. She says yeah, that she will get back to me when she knows what she's doing. That was last weekend - not the weekend that just happened. Never heard from her. She snubbed me. I'm pretty mad, and I'm not even gonna bother saying anything to our mutual friends because I know people will just say that I can't expect it to work with everyone. But I can be damn sure that if it were me doing the snubbing, that her friends would be all pissed off at me for being mean.

So why do women get to snub guys and it's ok, but when a guy does it, he's either a player or some other such term??
She could have been direct, but I assume she's afraid of confrontation, not mature enough to say unpleasant things, even when they need to be said. So you're not going to get any closure. It would have been kinder if she simply said she didn't want to see you, but she's saying it without the confrontation. Happens all the time.
 

curious_angel

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Women are the weaker sex. The fair sex. They can get away with that. You're a man. Be a man. Suck it up ya pussy. :nana:.
Hmm, relationship advice from someone with such sound experience of dating. You paid for half the women you've had sex with. Sexual partners.

oh oh. looks like i'm on the shitlist of every woman on the forum. all 3 of them.
seriously ladies. you're pictures are really hot. i love what you did with your hair. and those shoes make your ass look great! that color looks FANTASTIC on you.
i'm totally jerking it to you right now.

we good?
Let's hope you stay in paid employment so you can continue to get laid.



To the OP. Judging from your pics and thoughtful posts I'm sure you'll meet someone else. :smile: As AE said, your date probably doesn't like confrontation.
 
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FeroxFemina

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Hmm, relationship advice from someone with such sound experience of dating. You paid for half the women you've had sex with. Sexual partners.

Let's hope you stay in paid employment so you can continue to get laid.



To the OP. Judging from your pics and thoughtful posts I'm sure you'll meet someone else. :smile: As AE said, your date probably doesn't like confrontation.

:eek:wned22:

curiousangel :You_Rock_Emoticon:!!!
 

HungThickProf

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how am i a sexist pig? because i suggest that double standards tend to be hushed a bit more when women benefit? just an observation ive noticed ...

and to the OP, dante is right, you need to sell yourself and make her chase you (i think thats what hes saying) ... and try not to get attached to someone unless you KNOW they are highly interested in you because you'll just end up getting hurt ... people (women) get bored when you "ask" them to hang out etc. if they want to go out with you, they will make themselves available ... try not to be the first person to call or text after you make the initial step in getting to know them

and someone else pointed out that you both have mutual friends so it could be very likely she asked her friends about you and she heard something that turned her off completely (must have been pretty bad, or you might have a "frienemy" who is spredding nasty stuff about you)

but at the end of the day you just have to keep your head up and move on until you find someone worth calling:smile:

I said that you're a sexist pig because of your emotional lack of intelligence, and your inconsiderate and inaccurate views of women. I don't know where you get these perceptions from, but I have to ask- this world you're living in, are there rides? Rollercoasters? Ferris Wheels? I'm guessing that you've had such issues with women in the past, and I'm sorry if that's the case. But women I know "don't get bored when you ask them to hang out." If they like something or someone, they want to enjoy it, or that person- just like anyone else! If women tend to "get bored when you ask them to hang out," then maybe it should occur to you that you're common factor. And maybe, just possibly, you're the problem.

"If someone shows you who they are, believe them." Dr. Maya Angelou

If I was a woman, and the perception that you give here is truly who you are in your day to day life, I would ask to either lie to me so that I can enjoy your dick before I got bored with it, or ask you to become someone else. Women like confidence, not arrogance. Women like honesty, not what you think they want to see. And women like maturity and responsibility, not someone who is quick to push the blame elsewhere. It sounds like you need to step up your game, playboy. And if you really have these feelings about women, then maybe you should keep your dick to yourself.
 

D_Vladimir Jurkov

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what did her message say?

and facebook is a very interesting creature, people will be "friends" with anyone ... if you give somebody directions to the nearest gas station, they request you, if you stood next to someone at a urinal, they'll request you, if someone offers you gum, they'll request you .. so being "facebook friends" doesn't really mean anything ... but you are right if she denied you then that would be a very clear sign lol


Wow the message is strangely gone from my phone and I NEVER delete messages. I only remember the phrase "Thanks for everything" and "I don't know what I'm doing next week but I will keep you posted." It's really bugging me that I don't have the message but I know for sure it took up 4 full lines and she said she had a good time too. But as I typed the phrase "Thanks for everything" my heart kinda sunk.... that's not a good sign, that's like a farewell kind of thing to say to someone. That and the kiss on the cheek probably say where this relationship is - friends. Just friends.

And about the facebook thing, I always forget about that. I don't treat facebook like that. I'm on maybe once a week and if you are not my friend in the real world I will not accept a facebook friend request from you. But that's one of my flaws, I tend to automatically think that others know the same things and feel the same way about things as me... you know, reasonably. By now I should know that the majority of people do not have much reasoning.

But yeah, someone else said something about avoiding confrontation, that was probably it. Although snubbing someone is more likely to create confrontation, I suppose she didn't want to let me down right away. Just don't understand why she would tell me to text her when I got home. That was added information on her part, it's not like if she didn't say that it would be a rejection. That was the kicker I guess.
 

monel

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I think you might have jumped the gun presuming that she is snubbing you. Based on her message - or what you recall of it - she didn't say she would call you back, only keep you posted as to her availability. For your own sake, I think she is owed one call to make sure that there was no misunderstanding as to who would call whom. She may be sitting cursing you hinking that you're snubbing her. If you call her and she is not interested or gives you the run around, you'll know there is nothing there and can move on. Until then you never know.
 

curious_angel

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....By now I should know that the majority of people do not have much reasoning....
Quite often what is reasonable is subjective.

Just don't understand why she would tell me to text her when I got home.....
She wanted to know that you got home safely. It was a friendly gesture. The fact that she later snubbed you was probably after a period of reflection on her part. Maybe she didn't feel the chemistry the following day, maybe she's scared of relationships, maybe she thinks you're too good for her, maybe.., maybe. You may never find out.
 

poultrygeist

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I would be concerned about a guy who feels snubbed because a date with a girl didn't pan out. Maybe the vibes just weren't right to her. Maybe your mannerisms, appearance or behavior reminded her of someone she didn't get along with. Maybe she was pressured by friends. Maybe the friends say you were a good friend she could hang out with. Mabye her expectation didn't match reality. Who knows it could have been a million things literally. I wouldn't take it personally in the least. It didn't work out. It happens to most everyone who dates a lot. You can't force it to work. Responding at all etiher to friends, on facebook or whatever will only make you look desparate and un-confident.

I would act like nothing happened at all and like you're not even bothered in the least.