Double standard??

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Imported, Oct 25, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    aj2181: Okay my girlfriend says "Call me and tell me where you are!" all the time. But when I say the same to her she doesn't. I think its a double-standard. I know that given my history of not always being a 'good boy' is reason to keep track of me but is it so wrong to expect the same??

    What do ya think Ladies? Is it wrong of her? Or am I just way off base?
     
  2. Imported

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    longtimelurker: Depends - define 'good boy'...

    If you've really been messing around, then you've left yourself WIDE open for lack of trust - and if you know that you can do it, then you'll be suspicious of others as well....
     
  3. Imported

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    aj2181: Yeah your right. Admit to being a total ass on ocasion. Yeah I have left myself wide open for it. I know. I take responsibility for my actions. However is it unreasonable to ask the same in return? I don't think so. My request for the same consideration is based on my concern for her. Hers may not be and I do deserve it.
     
  4. Imported

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    inquiringmind: Hi AJ,
    I am probably the wrong woman to respond, but I think that if you are going to cheat there is really nothing to do about it. Asking you where you are 20 times a day is not going to make a difference. You should have a conversation about why you have not been "a good boy" and why she may feel a need to serve as your human time punch. It may really help to come to parity about your mutual and not so mutual expectations of what the relationship should be. I greatly resent someone who dogs my every step and until married unless there is a definite understanding I am a free agent. I may not like it if he choses to keep company elsewhere but that is not my business until that agreement is made... It is hard when you really like someone to keep that in check but it is a necessary thing... I know that no one else is responsible for my issues or I for theirs.... Just my two cents worth.


    Inquiring Mind

    P.S. ...And if my man ever cheated on my he'd better sign up for the witness protection program! :D Just joking!
     
  5. Imported

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    aj2181: Hey I know I have caused her a lot of pain in the past. I certainly don't feel good about it and don't do it anymore.

    But that was not meant as the focus of this.
     
  6. Imported

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    AnonyMs: You may not have intended it as the focus , nonetheless, it does have bearing on the question at hand which you innately recognized as you posed the question.

    Rather than discussing the issue with us, might I suggest you discuss it with her? The issue is not why she asks it of you and yet fails to comply when you ask the same thing - the issue is why she does not fulfill a simple request. When you ask her to call you, does she say she will and then not? Or does she not even acknowledge your request?

    When you chat with her about this issue, be sure to use a lot of "I" messages such as "I feel devalued when you promise me repeatedly you will do something and then you do not" rather than "You never call me when I ask."

    She might harbor latent anger from your previous mistreatment and is trying to show you how it feels. Not the most mature approach, but something to consider.

    You did not say how long ago your indiscretion was or if it were a one time thing or a series of indiscretions. If it has been a long time ago and was a one time thing, you might explore finding out what her requirements for building trust are. At what point will the past be forgiven AND forgotten? If it has been less than a year or was a pattern of behavior over a period of time, then suck it up and wait it out.

    Inquiring mind gave excellent advice. Remember, your girl friend's actions are not the problem but only the symptom of the problem. Something much deeper is going on, dude.
     
  7. Imported

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    aj2181: Thanx for the advice everyone it helps :)
     
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