Double Standards?

[helgaleena]

A lot of guys are put off by women who 'put out' on the first date or after only knowing them a brief while.

I think the reasoning is: if they will have sex with [me] so quickly then maybe they'll have sex with other people right away too. Which is not what you want in a girlfriend or a mother/wife.

Plus personally, relationships where you have sex right away never last that long or are that rewarding/meaningful anyway.

But a woman can have sex with anyone she wants. It's just that if you have sex with someone right away then you reduce the chances of it being a proper long term relationship and increase the chances of it being a one night stand.

The bolded part is faulty reasoning. Having sex with someone right away means you are extra sexy, usually. Why blame your sexiness on the susceptible female?

If I don't have sex with you and make you wait for weeks and months, I feel like I am just a player trying to get you to pay for fancy meals etc. and you are not actually that attractive. In all honesty I should enlighten you about it but mister Sexier Than Thou has not yet arrived.

addendum: How the hell do I know if we are actually a compatible couple before we have sex? I don't! It's got to be addressed sometime, IMO sooner rather than later.

 

[yoursgetsmine]

First of all, enjoy the moment (your moment) when you're fucking somebody....but if he cums back for more really depends on two things that can create that situation.
1. You're great in bed and he's looking for the sequel
2. You're interesting beyond the sexual/physical act

If BOTH of these components are present, well then...you're off to the races.

 

[sodominsane]

interestingly enough 3/4 of my long term relationships have been with a girl i had sex with on a first date.....i think it was because our connection was so strong we couldnt resist....that attaction carried over into life together

 

[Drifterwood]

hahaha..LMAO..

but i guess the uptight personalities end it right away..

Many people can't deal with non-conformity; having everything neatly placed in its specific box makes life comprehensible. This type may well fuck but will feel disoriented by things not being as expected, as they should be in the ordered universe.

addendum: How the hell do I know if we are actually a compatible couple before we have sex? I don't! It's got to be addressed sometime, IMO sooner rather than later.

With Emjay's response, I think that this is a great policy. Why get emotionally involved and then have your judgement fogged? If good sex is a priority, save your emotional entanglement for those with whom you are sexually compatible.

Most societies don't really feel comfortable with free sexual expression.

 

[mexdude]

Why get emotionally involved and then have your judgement fogged? If good sex is a priority, save your emotional entanglement for those with whom you are sexually compatible.

I kind of agree with this

 

[helgaleena]

With Emjay's response, I think that this is a great policy. Why get emotionally involved and then have your judgement fogged? If good sex is a priority, save your emotional entanglement for those with whom you are sexually compatible.

Most societies don't really feel comfortable with free sexual expression.

I completely agree with this. Those who prefer a courting without any sex are going to be absolutely naive and boring, easy to get tired of, easy to be unfaithful to. Keeping females stupid about what satisfies them, and devaluing their satisfaction, is a recipe for misery.

YouTube - Frankie Boyle's Tramadol Nights - Loose Women Iran

 

[D_Sigmund Fockbuddy]

So why do you have sex with her this quickly then? Doesn't it say something about your fidelity or your promiscuity too..in that case?

Personally it really depends on the mindset and aspirations I have for the girl. It also depends on so many other factors, but I might have doubts running in my head if I have sex with her immediately. I mean, on one hand, if I felt something 'special' and 'unique' and this girl is someone I want to pursue a long term exclusive relationship, then I doubt any fears will spring up in my head. If I didnt feel any 'special' moment or connection with her, and still managed to hook up with her, then I subconsciously think to myself that I, too am not special to her and thus, there could be a risk of her doing this with somebody else...therefore not girlfriend/relationship material.

 

[EmJay]

Bumped..to add some more perspectives on another similar topic..

 

[_Jonesy]

Depends almost entirely on the female. My experience is pretty much the same every time and that is that they are never happy or to be trusted; they do not know what they want. And it seems to correlate with the less appealing vaginas out there to put it one way.

That said, I would probably say that it would put me off. I want a woman that is... more of a challenge. Who doesn't play hard to get but is almost too nice to do that. She enjoys the company as much or more.

 

[D_Champney Cumcannon]

There is definitely a double standard.

I would personally never discount a girl/lady who had sex on the first date. I feel like single women should be allowed to express their sexuality as much as they want and with who they want without having to suffer through the accusations of being "whorish" or "slutty".

However, this post reminds me of a female friend of mine. She had no problems hooking up on the first date if she liked a guy. All told her number is quite high. However, she would always wonder why the guys she ended up liking never seemed to call her back or like her the same way she liked them.

In my mind, her problem was her reputation drew the wrong guys. When it gets around that you will hook up on the first date, you are more likely to attract guys who will say or do anything to try and get you into bed. So I suppose that would be the concern of sex on the first date.

Side note: She's now happily been dating the same guy for a year now. So in the end it all worked out!

 

[EmJay]

Depends almost entirely on the female. My experience is pretty much the same every time and that is that they are never happy or to be trusted; they do not know what they want. And it seems to correlate with the less appealing vaginas out there to put it one way.

That said, I would probably say that it would put me off. I want a woman that is... more of a challenge. Who doesn't play hard to get but is almost too nice to do that. She enjoys the company as much or more.

So is it that because you don't have the highest esteem for the woman upfront that you are more likely to go for a 'fuck-and split' action..or wouldnt you engage at all if that were the case?

 

[EmJay]

Side note: She's now happily been dating the same guy for a year now. So in the end it all worked out!

:biggrin1:

A girlfriend of mine..

A few years ago..She dated like there was no tomorrow. At one point she had about 40 dates in less than two months time.. It seemed like every day she was on the go for some date..

She fucked atleast half of those guys. Even I thought that to be a bit extreme..but hey..She felt like she didnt want to wait and see if they were good in bed together. I did enjoy the conversations about the whole experience though..It was hilarious..

She cried over two guys in that period of time.. and at one point ended up dating 3 guys at the same time..all of the 3 guys knew about her dating the other men as well..and she had sex with them too..

In the end she ended up with one of those guys who is now her husband and they are planning to have a child..

Go figure..

 

[petite]

EmJay, I was thinking about this and talking to TheBF about it because I was confused, and he clarified some things for me.

I said, all these guys, they claim they won't take women seriously if they fuck immediately, yet in my experience men really don't behave like that. I've had first date sex with lots of men, and they don't reject me. And a lot of the guys I slept with where nothing developed, they ended up pursuing me at some point later on, so that means that they didn't consider me to be non-relationship material because we had had sex. And a lot of my married friends met their mates when they went out to a club, got drunk, fucked, and found out the next morning that they actually really liked each other. So I said, why is it that in my experience and from my observations, so few men actually really think a woman isn't worth pursuing if she slept with them very early on, yet it seems like lots of men talk about that as if it's standard behavior?

Then TheBoyfriend told me something that made it all make sense.

He said: Men lie.

Or at least they say one thing, and do another. He said that men will say the things they think they're supposed to say to each other, but actually behave in a different way when it come down to it. He's noticed that every guy he knows, his girlfriend is the "exception" to the rules, but there are so many "exceptions" that it really does seem like it's the rule that if a woman is still interesting at breakfast the next morning, he's probably going to try to see her again, and if he likes her, he'll take her seriously. It obviously rarely happens that there's something worth pursuing, but when it does, that rule is very easily broken.

If a guy wasn't interested in me after I'd fucked him, I wouldn't want him anyway

qft

IME, relationships tend to end when you stop fucking, not when you start.

qft

 

[lpsgnoob]

These men been lying to you ladies. That firstdate-fuck doesn't work like that.

Like for example I wouldn't go out with a girl that sleeps on first dates, so lets say I was interested in a girl named Samantha and I find out that she sleeps on the first date then I would prob be put off and won't pursue her any more.

But if I was already on a date with a girl that I like and for some reason I wanted to have sex with her on the 1st date and she trusted me enough to have sex with me I will be a very happy guy :tongue:, if anything I will love her more. I mean how can I shame her when she was having sex with ME. That wouldn't make any sense right??

But what happened is that this "first-date-fuck" excuse became a popular trick in the players handbook.

So losers will pull this trick when they are after sex only. Douchebags will always be douchebags so of course they they will never walk up to a woman and say "hey we wanna fuck only", because they know they are hopeless and will get rejected. So they try to do all this dating and relationship thing until they get the sex then they pull the "ops too early" crap and so they can go back to their friends and brag about bedding a woman and talk about how they tricked a woman into having sex with them. But they also too damn stupid to realize there's nothing smart about tricking someone that trusted them in the first place.

Sorry if this happened to you ladies. :frown1: Just gotta watch out for those low-life scums.

@petite
Of course men don't usually behave like that. It's only the ones that are after sex only. I think you picked your men properly and avoided the losers. :biggrin1:

 

[EmJay]

These men been lying to you ladies. That firstdate-fuck doesn't work like that.

Like for example I wouldn't go out with a girl that sleeps on first dates, so lets say I was interested in a girl named Samantha and I find out that she sleeps on the first date then I would prob be put off and won't pursue her any more.

But if I was already on a date with a girl that I like and for some reason I wanted to have sex with her on the 1st date and she trusted me enough to have sex with me I will be a very happy guy :tongue:, if anything I will love her more. I mean how can I shame her when she was having sex with ME. That wouldn't make any sense right??

But what happened is that this "first-date-fuck" excuse became a popular trick in the players handbook.

So losers will pull this trick when they are after sex only. Douchebags will always be douchebags so of course they they will never walk up to a woman and say "hey we wanna fuck only", because they know they are hopeless and will get rejected. So they try to do all this dating and relationship thing until they get the sex then they pull the "ops too early" crap and so they can go back to their friends and brag about bedding a woman and talk about how they tricked a woman into having sex with them. But they also too damn stupid to realize there's nothing smart about tricking someone that trusted them in the first place.

Sorry if this happened to you ladies. :frown1: Just gotta watch out for those low-life scums.

@petite
Of course men don't usually behave like that. It's only the ones that are after sex only. I think you picked your men properly and avoided the losers. :biggrin1:

hahaha..you are probably very right here :smile:

They have just known from the first contact on..that they didnt place you (the woman) in the category 'possibly-maybe' and when there is still some attraction there..having sex is easy..no matter if they have to pretend upfront that they're interested in getting to know you further.

 

[petite]

@petite
Of course men don't usually behave like that. It's only the ones that are after sex only. I think you picked your men properly and avoided the losers. :biggrin1:

LOL, I'm not sure some weren't losers, but maybe in a different way. :tongue:
I've always had a lot of male friends and people who know me IRL rarely consider me to be a frivolous person, so I think that worked in my favor.

TheBoyfriend said something similar. He said that guys who say they aren't interested in a relationship because a woman slept with him too soon are just saying that because they don't want to be in a relationship. I guess they feel that it's easier to make the woman feel bad, than to admit that they were just after sex, because neither option is very attractive, is it? In one case, maybe they can convince themselves that the woman deserved that treatment, in the other case, a man would have to admit to himself that he's a shithead. I can see why a man who is really only after sex and who would use any means possible, including leading a woman on and making her believe that he's serious about her, would prefer option #It's All Your Fault.

 

[EmJay]

LOL, I'm not sure some weren't losers, but maybe in a different way. :tongue:
I've always had a lot of male friends and people who know me IRL rarely consider me to be a frivolous person, so I think that worked in my favor.

TheBoyfriend said something similar. He said that guys who say they aren't interested in a relationship because a woman slept with him too soon are just saying that because they don't want to be in a relationship. I guess they feel that it's easier to make the woman feel bad, than to admit that they were just after sex, because neither option is very attractive, is it? In one case, maybe they can convince themselves that the woman deserved that treatment, in the other case, a man would have to admit to himself that he's a shithead. I can see why a man who is really only after sex and who would use any means possible, including leading a woman on and making her believe that he's serious about her, would prefer option #It's All Your Fault.

But in essence..this means..that if a guy acts like he wants to hookup with you ..say you are kissing on a first date and things get very hot and bothered..that most likely..not all of the time though..but most likely he's not that into me as a woman..

Just because he engaged in contact like that too fast..

The mere fact he's not able to restrain himself from pursuing anything sexual further..means he just sees me as a fuckable for atleast the night or several..

Is it that simple???

I am still single..so maybe there is some truth there ..LOL

 

[lpsgnoob]

Yep. :wink:

There is really no double-standards. There is just bunch of liars telling you nothing but lies. So just ignore them and continue having fun. :biggrin1:

 

[petite]

But in essence..this means..that if a guy acts like he wants to hookup with you ..say you are kissing on a first date and things get very hot and bothered..that most likely..not all of the time though..but most likely he's not that into me as a woman..

Just because he engaged in contact like that too fast..

The mere fact he's not able to restrain himself from pursuing anything sexual further..means he just sees me as a fuckable for atleast the night or several..

Is it that simple???

I am still single..so maybe there is some truth there ..LOL

Oh no, like lpsgnoob said, if a man was really into a woman and on a date and she wanted to sleep with him, it wouldn't make him disinterested in her. I was saying that TheBoyfriend said that guys who aren't really into you and have no interest in a relationship but want to get laid, they'll say that you slept with them too soon after you've already done it, because they were never really interested in a relationship in the first place. They just wanted to get laid, but blaming you for why he doesn't want to see you again is easier (for himself, not to you) than admitting that he intentionally led you on and behaved deceptively (by pretending to be more interested than he was) just to get laid.

That doesn't help you distinguish which guys who get hot and heavy on a first date actually like you or not, does it? Because then they're acting the same way.

No matter which way you look at it though, it still comes down to the fact that guys who do that are still shitheads, regardless if he really believes a woman is no longer worthwhile for having sex with him, or if he's just making her feel bad so he doesn't have to lay blame with himself.

 

[MrHangman]

When I go out on dates with a girl I'm going to have sex with her eventually, so why wait? I don't think any less of a girl who knows what she wants. I mean I don't care what society thinks, and if I'm with a girl who tries so hard to abide by the unofficial rules of dating created by Mormons then she probably isn't the right girl for me. Although I probably still wouldn't mind fucking her.