Down Low - is it cheating?

arktrucker

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I think there's a tide of agreement here. cheating is cheating.

if you can persuade your wife to support your decision to have sex with men then great. some people have very successful 'open' relationships, these must be open by negotiation, not deceit.

if you really love your wife, you'll stop cheating, or agree between yourselves what the boundaries are.

otherwise live with the shame - you deserve it.

Of course there is this little thing of male ego to deal with. If they have an agreement to allow you to explore your attraction to men then. she has the ability to explore others as well. What are your feelings about another man fucking your wife? Pure and simple. My partner and I have been together 23 years with an open relationship. We find that since we know it's okay to dabble, we don't with any regularity. I don't know how it would work for a straight couple however, I've heard other men get all up in arms when the thought of another guy banging his wife comes up.


My wife has had (in the past and present) many, many lovers of both sexes. She has had them with my blessing, and I find hearing of her sexual adventures a real turn on that leads to fantastic sessions of very hot sex. She also gets very turned on by my tales of sexual adventure.

We believe it is NOT cheating, because we both have each other's permission to have sexual relationships with other.

Yes, we have created rules that work for us. Isn't that the purpose of a creative life. Neither of us wanted to follow the rules, thank God we found each other and had the courage to change the rules for ourselves!

If creating new rules for yourself and/or your wife or lover, wouldn't work then by all means don't do it. But do know, the reason I call you puritans, is because you not only are offended by our creative life style, but because that while enjoying it we have also had a very happy a successful marriage that has lasted forty years. With a track record like that it seems to me we're doing something right.

Would you rather we divorced because of our actions because that is what the small minded conformists in our society wanted us to do? (And for the record, both my wife and I have been over the years repeated been told by others that it is absurd that we don't divorce each other, you can't have a
"real" marriage and behave as we do. What they can't seem to comprehend is that we love each other very deeply, and together have a wonderful and fulfilling sex life. We also want more, and have the courage to trust each other to get what we personally want.

We do have our cake and are eating it also. It seems to me we should be congratulated for our cleverness (especially in this group) rather than being condemned for our creative life style!

Exactly what I was talking about with one exception. My partner loves to tell me of his escapades and I don't share mine. Oh I tell him once in a while but, I don't like to. That is the only heated discussion about this we've ever had.
 

arliss

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no .....of course it is not cheating......why would you think it is cheating....? live your life and enjoy it....without any consequences ...who needs morals when you can have both men and women...........
 

HazelGod

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It doesn't matter who you cheat with; as long as you have to hide it from your wife or lie about it, it is cheating.

QFT.

I never knew "down low" was a gay sex reference...I was always of the understanding that it just meant clandestine sex outside your committed relationship, i.e. synonymous with cheating.
 

Principessa

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QFT.

I never knew "down low" was a gay sex reference...I was always of the understanding that it just meant clandestine sex outside your committed relationship, i.e. synonymous with cheating.
It may have started out like that, but when the book'On the Down Low' came out it changed everything.
 

Drifterwood

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otherwise live with the shame - you deserve it.

Are you Moses?

What happened to all the opinions about sexuality being fluid?

I suppose what people are saying to you is either accept the straight jacket (ho ho) or end the relationship.

Lots of happily married people cheat and remain happily married. In fact I would go so far as to say that the cheating allows them to stay happily married. IMO it's a personal choice and not one that others should judge, unless you happen to be a politician or the like advocating family values etc.
 

Principessa

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Are you Moses?

What happened to all the opinions about sexuality being fluid?

I suppose what people are saying to you is either accept the straight jacket (ho ho) or end the relationship.

Lots of happily married people cheat and remain happily married. In fact I would go so far as to say that the cheating allows them to stay happily married. IMO it's a personal choice and not one that others should judge, unless you happen to be a politician or the like advocating family values etc.

As a straight woman I have no problem with gay or bi men. I do have a problem with gay and bi-men marrying women and keeping their extracurricular activities secret.

Because homosexuality is so taboo in the black community, black men will do any variety of stupid things to rationalize their activity so that they can claim straightness.

Most don't use condoms! Not because it feels better without them; but because if you use condoms then it's pre-meditated and that means you knew you were going to fuck or be fucked. If you don't use condoms and have sex with a man it just kinda happend ...like an accident. Even if it happens evey Thursday from 4-6pm. :tongue:
 

Ed69

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Are you Moses?

What happened to all the opinions about sexuality being fluid?The fluidity stop's when you give your word.:wink:

I suppose what people are saying to you is either accept the straight jacket (ho ho) or end the relationship.

Lots of happily married people cheat and remain happily married. In fact I would go so far as to say that the cheating allows them to stay happily married. IMO it's a personal choice and not one that others should judge, unless you happen to be a politician or the like advocating family values etc.
:wink:
 

DC_DEEP

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once you marry a person you forsake all others (whether it's male or female). So technically you are cheating.

Sorry but you gave your word in front of family country and God(in whatever form you see him/it)If you dishonor that pledge you are a worm.:mad:
I personally do not know what his marriage vows were, so I can't say whether or not he promised to forsake all others.

And Timbo, again, you are ascribing sentiments to us that do not belong. Very few have said it's a bad thing under any circumstances. What most of us are saying is it's ok if they have that agreement; it's not ok if he has to lie about it. That doesn't seem exactly puritanical to me.
 

D_Roland_D_Hay

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I am a married guy -Tonight I met up with a hung black guy and he nailed me.

Cheating is cheating

I don't want to pass judgement on anyone without knowing the situation, however, I do feel the need to give my two cents. Obviously the OP knows that he is cheating, he states this. What concerns me however, is that he states that he was nailed...typically that refers to anal sex. This is where I feel that he is endangering his wife who doesn't know that she may be exposed to STD or HIV. While I don't know if it was protected or not, in my opinion this is very selfish. Her life may be ruined because of a few minutes of pleasure on OP's part. The wife should be able to make an informed decision as to whether she wants to have sex with the OP knowing that he is having sex with other men.

The latino and african american communities have experienced an increase in HIV infection as a result of the "down low". Unfortunately it is the women who are unknowingly becoming infected. This is wrong in so many ways. Be a real man and make the right decision. If you love your wife as you claim that you do, it shouldn't be that difficult to decide.

I may get slammed about my opinion, but your wife shouldn't be exposed to potential life damaging events as a result of your cheating.
 

cocktailweenie

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You don't actually believe that, do you?

Yes, of course. I once saw a documentary about a porn star who only did lesbian scenes (although she wasn't a lesbian) because her husband would get too upset if she did it with other men. That's what I meant. In fact, thinking about your partner having sex with someone of the same sex or getting naked (showering, skinny dipping) would even be a turn on for many. Any negative feelings would come about for other reasons.
 

DC_DEEP

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Yes, of course. I once saw a documentary about a porn star who only did lesbian scenes (although she wasn't a lesbian) because her husband would get too upset if she did it with other men. That's what I meant. In fact, thinking about your partner having sex with someone of the same sex or getting naked (showering, skinny dipping) would even be a turn on for many. Any negative feelings would come about for other reasons.
Documentary or not, that's still about the porn industry, which has nothing to do with real life.

I'm still floored that you think it's only cheating if the partner is jealous. So, by your reasoning, a person can sleep around all they want, and it's not cheating if the partner doesn't know about it. (They would have to know about it to be jealous.)
 

cocktailweenie

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Documentary or not, that's still about the porn industry, which has nothing to do with real life.

I'm still floored that you think it's only cheating if the partner is jealous. So, by your reasoning, a person can sleep around all they want, and it's not cheating if the partner doesn't know about it. (They would have to know about it to be jealous.)
My reasoning never included the ignorance factor. This is a separate issue. If I came home and found my significant other having sex on the floor with another guy I would ask to join in. This usually does not happen in the real world of the heteros, I believe.