downsizing your woman

[Tad_Nugent]

Hey all, I posted maybe a while back about the issues I was having with my wife's weight and her lack of trying to do anything about it.
Well, it finally came to a head over a month ago,(long story short) we moved back from AL last May, I asked her to get a job she never did, now it's a year later, I gave her a choice job or get out, soooooo she got out. Now I found out that all my bills are past due/late/overlimit etc-you get the point, which makes me wonder if all of this may not have been planned--does that makes any sense.

well, bottom line, I recently started seeing an old female friend, who is nearly half the size of my wife, was sex always supposed to be this good???????
I've been using condoms-of course-don't need any more kids, (and using condoms has always put a leash on me, allowing me to go for a long ass time)
not knocking the larger woman but the fucking is so much more intense and I'm not handicapped by things that certian women(sizewize) cannot do.....
I'm doing the things I've wanted to, dreamed of, I'm having things done to me I've only imagined of..........

I don't know what I'm really saying except that I'm having the best sex I have ever had in my life(I'm 32-is that sad?) and since this girl is so little, it's alot easier to get her off,I swear I made her cum 5-6 times the other nite--her arms went numb and she couldn't feel her face......! I can't explain how that makes ME feel!

Is it wrong that I might feel a lil selfish about wanting to feel like this?
I begged my wife for years to take some pride in herself and now I don't want to feel like I'm the bad guy, I guess I just need to vent as this is the first time I've really vocalized this........

 

[B_andyo]

you are moving from bad to good brother... nothing wrong about it... I would dump anyone who doesnt take care of her or those ppl that say this " someone will love me" (if you knew the person like that from the begining well it was really u choice though) but if she was slim and now fat.. damn something has to be done. <quote> Alright that wouldn't be me..

Tad thats awesome man... My girl just told me yesterday she wants to cum 4 times vs one of mine.. lol !!!!!! I said "okey" now lets see second round. lol ( second round is like ... connected with first lol)

 

[D_Aston Asstonne]

you're not wrong for wanting better for yourself.its called pride my friend,its your life enjoy it!i have a very close friend who went thru the same ordeal,he even signed his lady up with physicians weight loss to discover she was hiding snack food all over their house therefore geting fatter!he grew tired of her gluttonous ways and divorced her.he has since found a hot ass blonde!and i gotta say he couldnt be happier.you're better than most men for toughing it out as long as you did,obese women are nauseating dressed much less undressed!you've got a new life ENJOY IT!

 

[Tad_Nugent]

thx andyo, I really haven't though of doing anything for my self for a long while, I felt like a robot doing nothing but a paycheck while seeing her just sit there and watch tv, This is my first attempt at being selfish(in my entire life) and I'm hesitant to admit it, but it feels pretty good! This girl I'm seeing really makes me look at things differently, I've been in denial for a long time.
You can't help someone who doesn't want the help....it just took toolong for this to come about. You'd think your mate(either sex-for the gay guys on here too!) would be able to see/sense that you were not happy for long time and want to fix what is wrong; but chose not to.

by the way, does anyone on here like to fish....?

 

[B_andyo]

for now I dont want to get married..... enjoy life first.. but i am only 19.. and i think 31 is young still!

 

[B_andyo]

look at my avatar..!

 

[dongalong]

I've done the "get a job or get out" thing too, it was such a weight off my shoulders when she was gone.
You did right and you sound so happy now.
It sounds like you do feel a bit guilty about your ex. DON'T BE, you were no longer attracted to her and your sex life sounded too limited, she could have made more effort to please you but she didn't, enjoy your new life!!!

 

[Tad_Nugent]

32 actually, i hope is still young, I can still pull the young girls(as I found out recently)

 

[Tad_Nugent]

my biggest problem is I have 2 kids, and at this time she is saying she won't keep me from seeing them, but, in a divorce, ALWAYS, it gets worse before it gets better

 

[B_andyo]

aghhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I wrote like 5 paragraphs and I hit the back bottom and it got lost! oh you get the point.. lol I feel mad now.!

 

[B_andyo]

whaow.. well, I hope everything gets better and not worse. yes.. 31 yr old.. you can get any woman you want... while I dont think 18-22 yr old woman want nothing serious yet.

my dad is 44 and get gets 20s old. so... plenty of time!

 

[Tad_Nugent]

wow, I can see who your idol is............lol

 

[D_Aston Asstonne]

my biggest problem is I have 2 kids, and at this time she is saying she won't keep me from seeing them, but, in a divorce, ALWAYS, it gets worse before it gets better

remember..all you gotta do is keep her in steady supply of cookies and cake,making her fat ass fatter!after a while she'll be begging you to take them cause she wont be able to leave her seat.if she has given up,she,ll only get BIGGER!

 

[Tad_Nugent]

This new girl I'm seeing could be HALF of what my wife weighs, is that fucking sad or am I being shallow? I was a wrestler in HS and I know how to lose weight when I needed to I'm 5'5 160lbs or so, I could lose 10 lbs and be pretty cut, BUT I CAN SEE IT MYSELF!, I don't see how others can't see it in themselves!
I wrestled 112 lbs in HS and I've gained 50lbs since then, but you wouldn't know it....

 

[biguy2738]

I think that ending your marriage was the best thing you could have done for each other as well as your two children.

I sense that there was lot of destructiveness within the marriage (and please this is coming from a place of observation and not judgement).
I understand the anger and frustration that you must have felt because there are times when I have felt that way as well. My wife has had some weight issues in the past (the worst being waaay before we had met) and at times she "veers" in that direction, though the situation is different to yours because she was badly physically abused as a child and food has been her coping mechanism. At first I'd also get very angry and frustrated, until I realised that firstly making her feel bad about herself only made things worse (a greater need for "comfort food") and secondly, she ended up resenting me for it.

There are still times when she falls into a rut, but I've found that support, understanding and finding things that excites or helps her build up her own sense of self acceptance helps her quite a bit. I'm digressing, apologies.

I'm explaining this because it may help you to understand why I'm affirming your decision - which isn't based on her appearance of areas that may have been lacking in your sex life, but on an emotional level instead.

Your anger and frustration at seeing no results would obviously lead to resentment and anger on her side. As a result, I think that she intentionally wouldn't lose weight as her own way of getting back at you...a passive-aggressive way to express her own anger and resentment. Thus the circle on grows more vicious and two innocent children are caught in the middle of all the craziness.

So you really don't need to feel bad at all, you saved yourselves and your children from a lot of heartache and pain.

With that said and done, (and please understand that this is coming from someone that has experienced miscarriage and an inability to conceive thus far) PLEASE don't forget that there are two children that have witnessed and possibly even experienced a great deal of anger for quite some time...and now their own world and reality has fallen apart.

Ugly as things may be, PLEASE don't leave them with a sense of being forgotten or overlooked. PLEASE go out of your way to give them a platform to express their own feelings about your separation and ultimately, your divorce - that they may not only have a platform to deal with their own sense of loss, but also that they may know that crazy as things may be, their own emotions are equally important to you. Even if your wife tries to spite you and prevent you from seeing them, DON'T GIVE UP ON THEM - fight! fight! fight! I know it's easier said than done, but even if they are aware of it, it really will go a long way.

I wish you and your children much happiness and healing. All of the best!

 

[Tad_Nugent]

I think that ending your marriage was the best thing you could have done for each other as well as your two children.

I sense that there was lot of destructiveness within the marriage (and please this is coming from a place of observation and not judgement).
I understand the anger and frustration that you must have felt because there are times when I have felt that way as well. My wife has had some weight issues in the past (the worst being waaay before we had met) and at times she "veers" in that direction, though the situation is different to yours because she was badly physically abused as a child and food has been her coping mechanism. At first I'd also get very angry and frustrated, until I realised that firstly making her feel bad about herself only made things worse (a greater need for "comfort food") and secondly, she ended up resenting me for it.

There are still times when she falls into a rut, but I've found that support, understanding and finding things that excites or helps her build up her own sense of self acceptance helps her quite a bit. I'm digressing, apologies.

I'm explaining this because it may help you to understand why I'm affirming your decision - which isn't based on her appearance of areas that may have been lacking in your sex life, but on an emotional level instead.

Your anger and frustration at seeing no results would obviously lead to resentment and anger on her side. As a result, I think that she intentionally wouldn't lose weight as her own way of getting back at you...a passive-aggressive way to express her own anger and resentment. Thus the circle on grows more vicious and two innocent children are caught in the middle of all the craziness.

So you really don't need to feel bad at all, you saved yourselves and your children from a lot of heartache and pain.

With that said and done, (and please understand that this is coming from someone that has experienced miscarriage and an inability to conceive thus far) PLEASE don't forget that there are two children that have witnessed and possibly even experienced a great deal of anger for quite some time...and now their own world and reality has fallen apart.

Ugly as things may be, PLEASE don't leave them with a sense of being forgotten or overlooked. PLEASE go out of your way to give them a platform to express their own feelings about your separation and ultimately, your divorce - that they may not only have a platform to deal with their own sense of loss, but also that they may know that crazy as things may be, their own emotions are equally important to you. Even if your wife tries to spite you and prevent you from seeing them, DON'T GIVE UP ON THEM - fight! fight! fight! I know it's easier said than done, but even if they are aware of it, it really will go a long way.

I wish you and your children much happiness and healing. All of the best!

big guy, thank you for your insight.......much appreciated and understanding!
I understand the rigors of what children may go through. I went through several nasty divorces as a child, I lost a sister to suicide when she was 16 because my father could not control his pride and actually listen to his daughter about his newest wife. THIS is what has delayed this decision for a long time. I know what "worst case scenario" is.
I work a 4on/4off schedule so I will prolly have my kids a LOT more that most other divorced fathers do.
I have always been VERY sexual in my relationships, and this came down to her laziness and my being disgusted by her body pretty much, I'm no Adonis but I still can turn heads when I want to.....and the "passive/aggressive" behavior makes a lot of sense also, that's good stuff, thank you.

 

[biguy2738]

big guy, thank you for your insight.......much appreciated and understanding!
I understand the rigors of what children may go through. I went through several nasty divorces as a child, I lost a sister to suicide when she was 16 because my father could not control his pride and actually listen to his daughter about his newest wife. THIS is what has delayed this decision for a long time. I know what "worst case scenario" is.
I work a 4on/4off schedule so I will prolly have my kids a LOT more that most other divorced fathers do.
I have always been VERY sexual in my relationships, and this came down to her laziness and my being disgusted by her body pretty much, I'm no Adonis but I still can turn heads when I want to.....and the "passive/aggressive" behavior makes a lot of sense also, that's good stuff, thank you.

Arrrgh! Your own personal experiences suck - I'm so sorry to hear about it!

It sounds like you are and will continue to be an awesome Dad. In the long run, getting divorced is best for all and will carry less emotional baggage. You have no reason to feel like the bad guy...you have no reason to feel guilty because you are now feeling happy.
Good for you! Once again, all of the best!

 

[Tad_Nugent]

ty is nice to hear from an understanding.....ummm, perfect stranger...lol

 

[vibratingfinger]

Did the right thing brother. Hopefully this will also be a wake up call for the ex to get help. You want the mother of your children to be alive for their sake.

 

[snoozan]

being fat has nothing to do with the fact that your wife was a bad match for you and a bad lover. that's preposterous.

at my heaviest i could give my husband leg-numbing blowjobs, get fucked sill for hours, and have intense, mind-blowing sex.

stop obsessing over her size and concentrate more on the real reasons your marriage didnt' work-- and the role you played in it. when a marriage ends it's never completely one person's fault. if you don't want to repeat some of the patterns of the failed marriage you have to examine them and change them for you and your future partners.