downsizing your woman

Tad_Nugent

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being fat has nothing to do with the fact that your wife was a bad match for you and a bad lover. that's preposterous.

at my heaviest i could give my husband leg-numbing blowjobs, get fucked sill for hours, and have intense, mind-blowing sex.

stop obsessing over her size and concentrate more on the real reasons your marriage didnt' work-- and the role you played in it. when a marriage ends it's never completely one person's fault. if you don't want to repeat some of the patterns of the failed marriage you have to examine them and change them for you and your future partners.

I agree, I have more than enough looking at myself and my faults lately, it was always based on weight though, I couldn't get her to help me support our kids, she could always find a way to shoot down any ideas I had for her and wouln't contribute. Instead bills keep piling up and I couldn't stand being taken advantage of and taken for granted...
 

vibratingfinger

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I don't think he said that she was fat. He said she was obese. Fact of the matter is some people don't handle excess weight as well as others. I have seen many active fat or even obese persons. If the weight makes a person lazy or less active, then I think there is a problem.
 

lgej

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being fat has nothing to do with the fact that your wife was a bad match for you and a bad lover. that's preposterous.

at my heaviest i could give my husband leg-numbing blowjobs, get fucked sill for hours, and have intense, mind-blowing sex.

stop obsessing over her size and concentrate more on the real reasons your marriage didnt' work-- and the role you played in it. when a marriage ends it's never completely one person's fault. if you don't want to repeat some of the patterns of the failed marriage you have to examine them and change them for you and your future partners.

I couldn't agree more. My wife has gained a lot of weight through the years (as have I) and, because I love her so much, I still find her sexy and very attractive. Fortunately, she feels the same way about my fat self. Like Snoozan, she still "gives me leg-numbing blow jobs and mind-blowing sex." All of which is incredible after 37 years of marriage. It's not the weight that's the issue. Listen to Snoozan's advice and do some introspection before you get into another serious relationship or it's likely the pattern will repeat itself, extra weight or not.
 

Tad_Nugent

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"""it was always based on weight though,-"""

--this was supposed to say it was NOT always based on weight-



-I'm chatting at the same time I'm giving 2 full-sized Labs a bath!!!!-----sorry for sounding like a douchebag!!!!!!!!
 

B_andyo

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well well well... no offense... but if ur woman gets fat and you aslso get fat... there is no problem... but if one is thin and the other is fat.. think again!of course you are still sexy to her... :( is like she cant say anything to you.. because you would say the same thing.!
 

Tad_Nugent

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I could prolly understand if we had both gotten bigger, but I take enough pride in myself to take measures to not let that happen, but when your mate shows no effort at all.........it kinda lets you know where you stand! If she had wanted me to continue to show interest in her sexually, she would've done some things to reamain sexually attractive, You can't expect to let yourself go and still keep the realtionship strong. I mean, there are several issues here too, like she wouldn't get a job.
 

snoozan

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I could prolly understand if we had both gotten bigger, but I take enough pride in myself to take measures to not let that happen, but when your mate shows no effort at all.........it kinda lets you know where you stand! If she had wanted me to continue to show interest in her sexually, she would've done some things to reamain sexually attractive, You can't expect to let yourself go and still keep the realtionship strong. I mean, there are several issues here too, like she wouldn't get a job.

ok, i think i'm understanding what's going on with you a little more. it sounds like the one concrete thing that you can really concentrate on is her weight, but that is only a symbol for the deeper things happening in the relationship. it sounds like you feel that over the years she has stopped putting anything into you, your marriage and even herself. it sounds like you are very frustrated because you feel that you have done all that you can and she has done less and less-- letting herself go physically, not getting a job, not paying bills etc.

i wonder if she is depressed. have you talked to her about this? has she seen a therapist or a doctor? have you gone to couples counseling? have you seen a therapist? if not, any or all of these things may help both of you even if your marriage splits up anyway. you may learn some of the ways that you've enabled her to get where she is and maybe new strategies to help her. you may learn some things about yourself so that you can move on from this relationship and heal if that's what you decide to do.

i feel like there's an underlying issue here with her or with the dynamics of your relationship that you're not addressing. she's not pulling away like she is for no reason-- and i think finding that reason is the key to at least making this split amicable and as easy as possible on your children.

good luck!
 

Tad_Nugent

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ok, i think i'm understanding what's going on with you a little more. it sounds like the one concrete thing that you can really concentrate on is her weight, but that is only a symbol for the deeper things happening in the relationship. it sounds like you feel that over the years she has stopped putting anything into you, your marriage and even herself. it sounds like you are very frustrated because you feel that you have done all that you can and she has done less and less-- letting herself go physically, not getting a job, not paying bills etc.

i wonder if she is depressed. have you talked to her about this? has she seen a therapist or a doctor? have you gone to couples counseling? have you seen a therapist? if not, any or all of these things may help both of you even if your marriage splits up anyway. you may learn some of the ways that you've enabled her to get where she is and maybe new strategies to help her. you may learn some things about yourself so that you can move on from this relationship and heal if that's what you decide to do.

i feel like there's an underlying issue here with her or with the dynamics of your relationship that you're not addressing. she's not pulling away like she is for no reason-- and i think finding that reason is the key to at least making this split amicable and as easy as possible on your children.

good luck!

Snoozan ty for your 2 bits, It's always nice to get a different perspective, you're right, the weight was NOT the reason for the split, it was her refusal to get a job and help me support our children, it hurts me more than I could explain to do this to my kids but I grew up watching my parents fight in front of us kids and my sister ended up paying the ultimate price for that.
I couldn't accept the fact of being the indentured servant day in day out while she sat on the couch watching 12-15 hours of TV a day(I checked).
Month after month I shot ideas to her and she shot them down, I didn't care what kind of job it was as long as it got her out of the house for some "her time" and get her interested in somrthing other than the house and kids, but she refused to even do that. So, I gave her a choice, she's living at her mother's across town now. I even offered her the new car--she refused that too! And 2 days after she took off to her mom's she called and said she wanted her name off of everything, so, I obliged as much as I could, I even traded the car off on a new truck for me(I've been driving a Camry with a leaky exhaust and 450,000 miles on it while she drove a new
Malibu-for the last 5 years!)

wish me luck --I get to take my kids back over there right now!

thanks again all

Jakes