Duel Sexuality Ruining My Relationships

Vjd2587

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So I think my last post got flagged so I’m reposting the edited version, plus I think it was in the wrong section. Sorry for the length but I’ve decided it’s best to be as truthful about this and give full context... welp here we go.

I’m 32 and involved with this amazing girl for almost a month now. We click on every level and is the makings of a strong relationship. She’s also super beautiful and I’m fully aware I’m way out of her league. How ever she’s super attracted to me, and a higher sex drive than I, however When we hook up I’m having troubles on occasions staying hard. I can’t tell what it is but if we have to hookup in a hurry, or if we switch positions or fucking and can’t feel my dick then I go soft. It’s really frustrating, esp since once it happens it’s hard to reverse from that session.
I almost don’t know what to focus on to get me back in the grove. It’s not like this all the time though.. sometimes I’m so horny I can’t last as long as I’d like in her with out cumming instantly.
However she’s super understanding and patient. While she may appear fine it’s taking a toll on me.

Now the curve ball...In the past I had a very negative 1st sexual experience. Plus being scared to death of sex coming from strict catholic background. Since my teens I started to rebel and in my 20’s I’ve been with guys previously on and off. I found them to be easy and use to think, okay maybe I’m just gay but there was no emotional connection. It was “okay cum and that’s it” . Since I’ve tried hard to top or bttm and it felt awkward, I’d go soft. I can only get off by mutual jerking or oral. I even hate giving oral. The attraction to guys almost seems to be limited to jock type guys (I know shocker) but it feels almost always worship lust like. It’s pure objectification which makes me feel awful. It also became out of control as all I was doing in my 20’s was porn, drugs and meeting up with guys. I decided I had a problem so I went abstinent.

Curve ball 2 for my 30’s I broke my drug abstinence when a friend gave me a high dosage of lsd, and for a second it flipped my brain, I found my self really horny for pussy. I would start hooking up with girls and getting off. ( not intercourse). Months later the feeling wore off as things would get serious with some of the chicks, I found I would have a hard time staying hard to fuck them which eventually started ruining the relationship. Pre hook up there’s this mental chatter that I can’t tell if I have repressed trama or I’m just repressed gay.

My attraction to this chick doesn’t feel forced, she was patient in making me comfortable enough to fuck her till I cam and I gotta say it felt so good but it’s not as lustfully intense as my (post hookup feelings) with guys. It’s confusing at most, frustrating at best since the only advice I seem to get is “your just closeted” Idk if there’s any helping this .,,but it does feel good to get off my chest.
 

Vjd2587

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I actually have and update that’s quite positive. After we had a heart to heart convo about our anxieties and what not.Plus a little mindfulness meditation. A switch turned and now I’m having more sex then I’d imagine, even busting several nuts nights in one night. I feel so much more comfortable and happier not worrying about the outcome of it instead of just enjoying it. She knows exactly what turns me on and I know exactly what turns her on. I get horny just thinking about it.

I do still find myself attracted to guys and girls I see here in there, but I think I’m way more comfortable and content with it now with. I’m hoping I can be 100% transparent with my sexuality with her down the line.
 
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