Dumping Opinion Request

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ScoMo, Jun 5, 2008.

  1. ScoMo

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    OK heres the facts of the situation. In 1 month we have had 3 dates. We have engaged in heavy make out sessions, mutial masterbation to compleation and oral sex. We have seen each other naked goes without saying, and slept in the same bed. Dispite him being a sweet guy carring and compassionate I have decided to end it with him before things get too involved. Hes not out all the way due to his religion he feels he needs to hide it some what. That would leave me in the role of his shameful dirty little secret. I do not want that role in a relationship.

    My roomie told me that I should do it with a phone call or even worst just not talk to him again when I said I was going to break it off when I see him tomorrow. His point is that its not serious and would be less painful over the phone or to just drop communication. I would not want to be dumped like that and I have a level of integrity that makes me want to be respectful and talk to him face to face.

    What do I owe him? That is my question.
     
  2. Phil Ayesho

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    you owe him the consideration you would show to any human being... I hope.

    When you enter into a romantic relationship, there are promises exchanged... not always clearly stated... but expected of each other none the less.


    You owe him a clear and compassionate explanation of why you want to break it off.





    PSBTW- also... you might want to tell him that his religion is bullshit... and ask why anyone invests belief in something that insists they be ashamed of themselves.
     
  3. 1BiGG1

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    Well stated!

    And FWIW, if he is interested in somebody that can make quick work of giving him reasons not to believe in his alleged god send him my way. :cool:
     
  4. unabear09

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    yeah....it decent thing would be to like invite him out to coffee or something like that and be like, you know I really like you and all, but I don't think its going to work out. Breaking up with someone in any method other than face to face is cowardly
     
  5. killerb

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    although face to face is the toughest way to do it, it's the best way.
    just be clear & explain why you're doing it so there's no room for speculation or anything...
     
  6. ScoMo

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    Yea its sounding like your all on my side of the fence with this one. Face to Face is how it should be. Thanks and I guess I should buy the coffee too hu?
     
  7. yhtang

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    Maybe not hot coffee - my choice would be a cold drink. Does not hurt that much on splashed on your face. You may wish to be prepared for such a reaction.
     
  8. invisibleman

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    You should decide what you want to say. What kind of outcome do you want to happen? Do you want to be friends? That all depends on how you handle it. I wouldn't buy dinner. Or coffee. But you should meet at a park or something.

    You owe him the truth of how you feel in relationship with him. Let him know that you have some bad news and that he may be disappointed.

    Then you tell that you want to stop seeing each other. And you say why. You be honest yet considerate. And you firmly stick to your reasons.
    And then you should outline the threshold of your future communication with that guy. No more sex. You shouldn't contact him for a while. And he shouldn't really contact you.
     
    #8 invisibleman, Jun 5, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2008
  9. dreamer20

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    I advise you to put your reasons for leaving him in writing. Your telephone call can inform him it's over and a face to face meeting to discuss the matter or hand him a break up letter can be arranged subsequently.
     
  10. kalipygian

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    I wonder if that is all concerning him that is behind your decision not to continue.

    If you otherwise like him, why not tell him that for the relationship to continue, he needs to learn to treat it something to be proud of, rather than being ashamed of it. Help educate him towards some self respect. I am sure there are plenty of local churches there that are supportive of gay relationships, maybe find a someone like a MCC minister for him to talk with about reconciling what he was brought up to believe with his orientation.

    Be a friend.
     
  11. ScoMo

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    I did take the approach of suggesting he seek another church to attend to no avail. I had also had a not so direct conversation about his interaction with me in public and a direct one about perhaps next time going to his place. He did not wish to for fear that someone might see, he also has a flat mate that he is not out to.
     
  12. HiJinx

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    take him out to a nice dinner. discuss everything with him and if he can't come out as much as you would like, break it off. It's always worked for me. I found out it better to meet the person there than actually driving them, rather a tedious ride home.
    I have the same restaurant that I take all my breakups to. It's now called " the dumping grounds" among my friends and me. Sometimes they can tell when I'm ready for another dinner at the dumping grounds and make a few jokes about it.
     
  13. marleyisalegend

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    Hes not out all the way due to his religion he feels he needs to hide it some what. That would leave me in the role of his shameful dirty little secret. I do not want that role in a relationship.

    i don't blame you. i imagine it a heavy burden to be religious and engage in behavior that religion scolds heavily, but my patience with that only goes so far. i'd support him, but agree that i wouldn't wanna be his shameful, dirty secret.

    What do I owe him? That is my question.

    that's a good question that would require more details, if the first paragraph summates your relationship, it sounds like less of a real relationship and more two nice guys engaging in sexual behavior (something that's always misconstrued as being a relationship). as far as what you owe him, that's arguable. i'd say on one hand you guys weren't married and to stop calling him wouldn't be a crime, but the nicer side of me would suggest some sort of break-up. IMO the medium doesn't matter cuz all roads (doing it by phone, email or in person) lead to the same place (break-up). personally i think that considering it was only a month it's not like you owe him your life, how you do it should mostly be determined by what feels comfortable/right for you.

    kudos to you for ending the relationship instead of staying in it and faking it and/or being unfaithful like some people do.
     
  14. Lito

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    Phone him and be over with it.

    Personally, I'd be pissed to be called to meet someone only to be ditched by said person, but that's just me =)
     
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