Dunno if it's me or them. Feel like guys obsess over me

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

I didn't want to do it on Facebook but he confronted me right there and asked me what my feelings were. And after reading the angry messages he had just left me, it made it that much easier for me to just say it.

And now his friends are trashing me

 

[iluvbigheads]

... I meant if it were me, I would have called and said, look your nice, but your broke and I can't be around broke guys and you should find a more suitable lover then me. As for Facebook, I do not use facebook to say im in a relationship with someone, just causes needless worry or upset when you change your profile to single or adding people, etc. etc.

 

[Stephenmass]

I had a totally different angle on the whole thing. One, is you were never really honest with him DURING the relationship telling him directly that his "clinginess" really bothered you so he didn't really have a chance to correct that if he could have.

Smoking....has smoking become so socially unacceptable that people break up with people over smoking? I guess it has. You have a right I guess to be around smoke free people and that includes a smoke free b/f. I'm not sure how much he knew it bothered you to be honest and how hard could it be to quit at 21 or so?

The way you described him throughout this thread though I have to admit he would have driven me crazy too. But at the same time I would have told him straight out I can't stand the clinginess and the smoking is enough of an issue where it could break us up if it is not stopped.

And as far as "sloppy kissing" goes...hell he's 21, was in his first relationship, etc. Perhaps if you took the time to SHOW him how to kiss not so sloppy, he would have improved.

Seems like you just were not straight up with him about everything until it was too late.

It doesn't matter now I guess and I do understand you viewpoints.

Last and not least, the job part and school part of him not doing either would have driven me crazy also. Last thing you need is a leech so I'm not saying you made the wrong decision.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

... I meant if it were me, I would have called and said, look your nice, but your broke and I can't be around broke guys and you should find a more suitable lover then me. As for Facebook, I do not use facebook to say im in a relationship with someone, just causes needless worry or upset when you change your profile to single or adding people, etc. etc.

Well, I didn't say that and I didn't even mention his joblessness. I just said I can't always be there for him the way he wants me to be.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Smoking....has smoking become so socially unacceptable that people break up with people over smoking? I guess it has. You have a right I guess to be around smoke free people and that includes a smoke free b/f. I'm not sure how much he knew it bothered you to be honest and how hard could it be to quit at 21 or so?

Smoking is a HUGE issue for me. I cannot stand it. The smell sickens me. I knew he smoked before I even met him and I knew it would bother me. But I tried to overlook it. Honestly, the smoking and the kisses were not issues for why I broke up with him. They were just issues.

And you're right, I should have told him earlier on about how I felt. I just didn't know how. I had someone telling me really nice things and didn't know how to tell him to stop without hurting him. I tried to deal with it. But when it got to the point where he would get angry at me for not reciprocating the same behavior, that's when I knew I couldn't deal with it anymore.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

After things cooled down we ended up having a long talk. It ended with him thanking me for telling him where he went wrong and I did the same. I think we're good now.

All is well.

I'm glad that's over

 

[sexplease]

Aah, but it's never really over. You both will carry on with your lives and, the memories both pleasant and challenging, will affect some of the choices on your life path.

I think you know better now how to govern your next love interest.

know yourself and keep your boundaries little flexible, but neither so much as to take the excitement out of life.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

In my head I have all the things that would make the perfect guy but I know I'm never going to find one that will meet every criteria. So when I meet guys and there's certain stuff I don't like, I try to overlook it and not be so picky. It just seems like the stuff I overlook turns out to be major issues.

Like one time I went out with a guy who was 20 years older than me. I thought "age doesn't matter" but then I met him and I instantly knew that it did.