Each day I don't talk to him, my heart breaks over and over...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Ellerby Eatsprick, Dec 9, 2009.

  1. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    Long story short... my ex and I were swingers. We introduced someone who was extremely endowed. I'm inclined to say his size here because not everyone, will believe me, so we'll leave it at a "rare" endowment. This fella and I talked for months before we actually got to play. We tried to meet a few times but unfortunate circumstances kept us from playing. However, despite that I was in love with my bf, the sexual attraction / chemistry / tension grew stronger between me and this fella.

    Finally this past spring, we got to play twice, though both times I was blindfolded and was not allowed to touch him. I had the most amazing sex ever with him. This fella told me I was the best sex he ever had and he thought "This is how things are supposed to be." He was not able to enjoy a satisfying sex life with his past gfs, as they didn't have a high sex drive, and were not able to take his size with ease and for a long time. He would date women for 3 months and they still wouldn't be able to get him inside them or be able to handle him for more than 10-20 minutes, whereas, I was able to get him within the hour, and we both had sex for 3.5 hours the first time, and we wanted more.

    The sex between my ex and I was affected greatly that I had a hard time staying wet, and kept thinking of the other fella. I still did enjoy the sex with my ex but my expectations had changed. We definitely did try to make the sex work, but it was already forever changed. The fella and I continued to talk for months, with our attraction for each other growing. We tried to stop talking to each other but couldn't deny this great sexual connection we had for each other. We felt that we had unfinished business. We talked about playing more, but the only thing that stopped me was my bf as he said I could not play with my playmate until I had his okay. So I had to respect that. The fella and I talked on MSN, like almost everyday about everything, including sex. I was basically very confused and trapped in a love triangle. I questioned whether I was in love with the cock or the person. The fella told me that he was falling in love with me, and wanted me as his long term girlfriend. It was just one big mess. My ex and I broke up a few times then got back together again, and tried to make things work. But things were just strained for months.

    Anyway, last month, my ex and I broke up for good, and I think it was a tremendous relief for both of us, even though we still loved each other. I basically left him for the other guy. I could not deny my strong feelings for the other guy. And I could not wonder anymore.

    I have not heard from the other guy in a month. :( I'm very confused and unsure how to explain his absence. It is hard to say if he is sick, got hurt at work or if something came up. I have emailed him twice, with no replies. I do not have his cell number, as we made a mutual agreement not to exchange numbers. We live on the same street, and I don't want to go over to his place (despite that I've never been there) and see if he is okay or such. It does sound a bit tempting to go over but I really do not want to look creepy at all. I don't know if he is trying to give me space, as I just broke up a month ago with my ex. I really wish he would at least email me just to say he's giving me space or to move on. :(

    Regardless of such reasons, I don't get how he goes from telling me he's falling in love with me, and wants me as his gf and goes to such measures to try to win me over, then just disappear. He has not deleted me from MSN as privacy list shows that he still has me on it.

    I hate all this wondering and if there is no chance of him and me, I would like that closure at least, if I have to move on. I am fully prepared that I may never get that closure (and that is probably is much harder than having that closure and moving on) Is it an usual habit for men to just up and cold turkey - give no reason, no explanation, no closure at all? Just walk away from the whole thing? If it is, it is the most cowardly thing to do.

    I really don't care if anyone judge me. I have already been hard on myself about the whole thing, and being hard on myself is already enough.

    So what should I do :confused:
     
    #1 D_Ellerby Eatsprick, Dec 9, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2009
  2. Wish-4-8

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    A lot can happen in a month's time. Or the truth is coming out of that situation.
    Closure, either way does bring comfort. I feel your pain there. I wish I could get closure from a situation I am/was in. A simple, "Good bye forever" or "Fuck off!" goes a long way. At least I would know.

    If its meant to be, then patience is a virture.
     
  3. D_Raykbaynes Rodclogue

    D_Raykbaynes Rodclogue Account Disabled

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    I would agree, but remember, that fate or coincidence only brings us so far. if you have a chance, take it.
     
  4. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    As simple as "Good bye forever" or "Fuck" off sounds, it would hurt and break my heart but would definitely give me closure.

    In my opinion, not having closure is much harder to take than no closure. It just takes longer to move on, you know.

    I already told him in one email I'll wait for as long as I have to, though inside I know, that one can only wait so long.
     
  5. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    This is a tough one. But yes, men do disappear. Women can do that, too, but I think this is a more masculine trait, so to say.

    I find it a bit strange that you both made this mutual agreement not to exchange numbers. Who had the idea first? Him? This doesn't seem the norm for two people who are at the onset of a relationship. Why would he want to protect his privacy in such a way?

    There is a chance that he only told you lies. Or maybe not. Yet, you are entitled to know where he stands now. The problem is how to approach him again, how to go to his place, without coming across as a stalker.

    Well, what do you have to lose? Your dignity? I'd go to to his place, not to intrude upon him, but just to leave him a written note. If anything, talk to him on his intercom, leave the note in his mailbox and leave.

    If a response doesn't come within the next few days, please move on and take care of yourself.
     
  6. Wish-4-8

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    Never mind, she answered today! Much to my surprise!!!
    Geez, how ironic!!! Coincidence?
     
  7. Iceman2215

    Iceman2215 New Member

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    This is so sad!! My heart goes out to you!! But on the other hand if he is acting like this ask yourself does he deserve you? I think if he was half the man he led you to believe he is then he would face you and be honest.
    Who knows maybe it was a fantasy thing....maybe he is married and did not expect you to leave your bf for him.

    I don't know.... but good luck and let us know what happens.

    peace

    I
     
  8. latinluva

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    Your a woman...and women have emotional ties to those they have sex with. Men don't, we just wanna cum and leave.
     
  9. finsuptx

    finsuptx New Member

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    Your really only have two options, hon. Either move on (yes, its much harder to do without closure) or push for answers. If you live on the same street, your bound to catch him mowing the yard or painting a fence sometime, right? Also, he might have gotten tangled up with someone else while he was waiting on you, and now he's majorly conflicted, I don't know. But again, those are your two options, aside from driving yourself crazy... and please don't do that.

    P.S. it IS large penis support group here, so come on, tell us... how big IS it? ;-)
     
  10. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    You've gotten a lot of great advice from the guys, if you want a woman's pov, I'd say go over. I mean, like Joca said, you'd at least have closure, if nothing else. It's not stalking, it's just wanting some peace of mind. I don't know what else to add, but be careful too, people do love the chase, and often never really want the catch. He might be married. He might have lied. He might not want you now. But if you keep yourself all upset and worried over it, you will only get more upset. Find the closure for yourself, go over, leave a note, whatever, but I think he owes you that at least.

    Okay, just mho. Good luck and remember to be true to you.
     
  11. dolfette

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    shit, girly, i got nothing.
    i just buy a new pair of shoes and it all goes away.
     
  12. Principessa

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    See, this is exactly why I don't stay friends with ex-bf's. It's far too painful, especially if they have moved on to a new girl and I'm home alone on Friday night watching NUMB3RS with the folks. :angryfire2: Plus, I need closure to move on. I can't get closure if he's still calling me for cappucino on Saturday afternoon.

    Has it occurred to you that since you basically dumped him for a physical inadequacy which he can do NOTHING about he doesn't want to talk to you . . . ever? :confused: Cause to me that seems normal. You broke his heart and to move on he needs to do it w/o you in his life. Makes sense to me. :cool:
     
  13. D_Relentless Original

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  14. dolfette

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    have you tried new shoes?
     
  15. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I agree with BillieJean.

    If he isn't insane, go to his house over the weekend (when he's home) and ask him to talk. Should he ignore you or tell you to fuck off, you know where you stand. If you two have a conversation, you will get some closure.


    :rolleyes: Her now ex was the smaller of the two and he is not the one she wants to be with.
     
    #15 D_Fiona_Farvel, Dec 9, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2009
  16. StrictlyAvg

    StrictlyAvg Member

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    Methinks you may have misunderstood the OP a little there NJ...

    Former b/f is dumped, closure. What she thought was gonna be the new b/f with big dick and lots of promises has now done a disappearing act and left her not knowing what to do.

    Poor Agirlonfire. The note through the door option sounds not unreasonable but I can't fathom the motivation for leaving you in the lurch. Which after a month sounds more likely than the more innocent explanation - btw have his neighbours seen him out and about? At least then you'd know whether this is just avoidance. :confused:
     
  17. Astrate

    Astrate New Member

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    The signs are bad. But it could just be that when he declared his feelings for you he felt rejected because, having given him hope initially he then got screwed up becuase you stayed on/off with your ex. Maybe it's his pride, or maybe he was strong enough to say fuckit and moved on, which does not mean he's lost his feelings for you.

    I would make sure he knows how you feel now, -don't depend on having told him in the past, give him a chance to respond. Knock on his door and say hi if you've got the guts, otherwise maybe there's someone who knows him who can ask him how he leels on your behalf.
     
  18. Mr_Cumalot

    Mr_Cumalot New Member

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    Im not judging you when i say this but it sounds like you and big boy fell in love based on sex. Thats good grounds for a sex buddy, but surely not for something long term and serious. Get some girl balls and go over to him. Then you can move on sooner rather than later. And dont give us any of that 'no other cock will be the same' ball crap. Its all in your mind, thats what is effecting your wetness.
     
  19. Stephenmass

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    I guess she hasn't been back to read from what I can see but some guys have this thing about "attached" people. As long as she was attached to her x-bf he was basically free to do whatever he wanted and to whoever he wanted while she was attached. He enjoyed knowing that because of her relationship with her boyfriend that THEY would not become a couple. Then the unthinkable happened and she broke up with her b/f. Now she is not attached and wants to "attach" to him which he wants no part of. It does sound to me that she was captivated by "dick" and was misled by him to believe she was the only one. Now she leaves her x and now she doesn't have Mr. BigDick. Somehow I don't feel much sympathy.
     
  20. Principessa

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    I understand that.

     
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