When mega horny I like the thought of it on my own, but the whole thing loses its appeal and feels foolish or even gross the other side of orgasm. And then I feel disappointed. This has made me question my sexuality at times, but I am not attracted to men in real life or in any way, other than seeing buckets of cum being squirted around or consumed.
I can't help thinking that my whole 'cum-kink' would have not come about (ha ha) if I had never watched porn, which 'celebrates' the moment of male orgasm, far more than it does of women cumming. And, here's my 10% gay side, I find that many gay or bi MMF scenes show men 'enjoying' cum (orally) in a way that I believe only VERY few women do. I have been lucky enough to find a couple who do (as below), but they are hard to find.
There have been a few exceptions when incredibly horny long fucking sessions led to 3 way MFF cum sharing (with two gloriously sexy women), which was every bit as horny as any cum focused porn I have watched - it somehow tasted 'sexy' when out of two women's mouths and there was no feeling 'foolish' or 'gross', far from it. I intend to re-live that moment when I next can, but you have to be very careful about which women and which moment you pick, as for many women, semen is about as sexy a by-product of sex as sweat.