Economic tough times and relationships- advice needed

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by TomCat84, Mar 9, 2010.

  1. TomCat84

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    Just thought I would throw this problem out there. So there's this guy, let's call him John (his real name will be kept private for privacy's sake.) So John and I were Facebook buddies for about a year before we finally met a couple of weeks ago. So far, he's perfect for me. He's a really nice guy...he's passionate about what he does- he is politically astute (and perhaps a little more to the left than I am, but variety is the spice of life). He's tall (6'2"), cute, and a total top. Pretty much everything I look for in a man.
    But while we were relaxing and watching TV last night at his place, the doorbell rang. At 9 o'clock at night. He got served papers from his credit card company for over $10,000...because apparently he hasnt paid squat on it for a long time. I knew he had lost his job a year ago, and that he was starting his own business. He also hasnt paid anything on the mortgage to his condo since he lost his job.
    My POV is that he's financially irresponsible- there's no VISUAL indication that he's in trouble. He hasn't really radically changed his spending habits from what I can see. We had a long talk about this, and I guess I've decided to try and stick it out and see what happens. My question to you guys would be- having only dated this guy for a couple of weeks, what would YOU do? I realize times are tough right now, but something about this whole thing strikes me as odd, namely, that he continues to go out and drink and spend unnecessary money, when I would have sat down and seen what I could do to hold off the banks and credit cards.:confused:
     
  2. hung

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    Take it easy and do not become involved in his financial situation. You can remain friends and enage each other but draw the line with any financial support.

    He appears to be irresponsible, based on what you stated.

    So you have to ask yourself, "Is He Setting Me Up?"
     
  3. finsuptx

    finsuptx New Member

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    Having only dated him for a couple of weeks, his finances are none of your concern. Unless he starts making you pay for everything or asking you for money, I'd stay out of his business.
     
  4. TomCat84

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    Just for clarification: he hasnt asked me for money, nor would I give him any (like I even have any to spare.)
     
  5. gurjeevan

    gurjeevan Member

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    Look Mate, If theres anything I learnt on My very expensive Law and business Degree at one of the UK's best universtys and also at my Dad's company. It's Don't Trust anyone who gets served papers, and to pull all of your contracts. This does not work with this application, Just be careful about what you leave liying around- espically vaulables, and also dont tell him anything about your Finanical situation.
     
  6. Mickactual

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    That might actually be a good thing. The minute he starts expecting You to foot the entire tab for Your evenings out will be Your cue to bolt.
    But fuck buds are hard to find (especially total tops). Relationships are even harder to find.
    For now - play it as it rolls.
    Dear Abby has spoken...
    :biggrin1:
     
  7. hunkydory

    hunkydory Member

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    I would ask him outright about the continuing to spend as though he had money part - it is not clear from your post if you have. In this economy many decent people have lost work and had financial problems - it may be that he continues to spend just because he met you recently and wants to put up good front. Being poor makes a lot of people feel like shit. Ask him. ps., I looked at your pics, you are very hot - maybe that body of yours is driving him to spend money stupidly.
     
  8. hunkydory

    hunkydory Member

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    also, it says "Secretary of Defense for the Big-dicked bottoms club" on your signature, you need to post an ass pic, looks like you have a great one. Just a thought.
     
  9. TomCat84

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    Uh, maybe YOU need to get your ass on over to San Diego so I can work your dick with my hole. Oops, did I just say that? :biggrin1:
     
  10. SouthernGirl

    SouthernGirl Member

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    You best run!
     
  11. Dave NoCal

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    As long as you are casually dating/fucking it's not a problem. But do be very cautious about anything financial including any documents, social security number, credit cards, ATM code, etc...
    Dave
     
  12. nudeyorker

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    People who don't pay their bills tend to be irresponsible with other ethical obligations as well. I would say move on.
     
  13. nudeyorker

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    Where were you when I was single?
     
  14. baldyboy8000

    baldyboy8000 Member

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    cool it. no, drop him. BIG TROUBLE
     
  15. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    He hasn't paid anything on his mortgage in a year and yet he continues to drink and spend money like there is no tomorrow? I call that very irresponsible. I'm surprised the bank hasn't foreclosed on his condo and sold it off already. Tell the guy he needs to find income or you will leave.
     
  16. lopo2000

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    If there's anything that I learn in life is that assumption is the mother of all problems. Don't assume him to be bad, nor that he is good - well, that is, until there's evidence to prove him either, which makes it not an assumption anymore. Be careful is the common advice here. Yes, draw a line between you and him but because you might be his potential future husband, you deserve to know something, because for me dating means there's already a connection over there.
     
  17. NCbear

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    Protect yourself. He may be much worse off emotionally and ethically than he is financially.

    NCbear (who sees the red flags flying up all at once :eek:)
     
  18. jerryhall

    jerryhall New Member

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    Yes, I am seeing red flags also.
     
  19. helgaleena

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    Total top is hot in bed but he is trying to make it also work in his financial life? That is unbalanced and indicates need for extreme caution. He may even be a suicide risk.

    I have given up, after Enron etc, on trying to understand financiers and their ethics, but denying any problems he is having in that area can be explosive to his health and yours.
     
  20. bigbulgelicker45

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    Even though I lost my job nearly a year ago I still make sure bills are paid (I was lucky though since I received nearly a year's worth of pay and could collect unemployment- which took seven months to get) and my mortgage is paid until August.

    I'm just shocked though because I missed a mortgage payment once in '96 and they started foreclosing immediately (but was saved by bankruptcy) so I make sure the mortgage is always paid every month.

    Even though I'm not "financially secure" I do manage to go out a couple of times a week just to get out since finding a job isn't that easy.
     
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