edumicating the ignorant.

dolfette

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We don't ask for the hormonal frenzy and most of us don't know how to handle it,
it's like... if someone's drink was spiked, it would be arseholish to be angry at them for being drunk. a little support and understanding can really help.
 

D_Rosalind Mussell

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it's like... if someone's drink was spiked, it would be arseholish to be angry at them for being drunk. a little support and understanding can really help.

Quite true. Wait, does this mean I can blame someone for spiking my hormones? That would be awesome, as I've had my share of hormonally-fueled rants where I embarrassed myself. :redface:
 

ManlyBanisters

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it's like... if someone's drink was spiked, it would be arseholish to be angry at them for being drunk. a little support and understanding can really help.

I do see what you are saying, dolf, but the analogy doesn't fully apply. I know I'm going to have PMT every month and I know I'm going to feel like being shitty to people when they've done nothing, or little, to deserve it.

I don't think PMT is an excuse for bad behaviour. I know what my PMT bad moods and mood swings feel like and I do my best to control them, reign it in - literally counting to 10 before responding to something that irks me. Hick and the offspring understand that I'm not being a cow because they've done something wrong but that doesn't mean they should just put up with it and go 'there, there, dear - yell at us some more, you'll feel better' - for a start I won't feel better, I'll still feel shitty, and so will they because they've just been given shit for no reason.

I tell the offspring when I have PMT and to remind me of that fact if I get shitty. Hick doesn't really need telling, he's aware, and he does make allowances - but I don't think that gives me carte blanche to be a cunt to him. Sure, it's controlled by hormones - but that doesn't mean I should give in to it, does it? I want to fuck.. well always... but even more so at certain times of the month - that's controlled by hormones but it doesn't give me carte blanche to cheat on Hick. Hell, his sex drive is hormone controlled too - does that mean I should be fine with him fucking around because we're stuck living apart for the moment? Bollocks.

Yes, PMT is difficult. Yes, having an understanding family is to be desired. A person also has to take ownership of her/his own behaviour, recognise it and do her/his best to behave in a way she/he thinks is right by the people who matter.
 

dolfette

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manly, you will never hear me say that drink excuses shitty behaviour, so i'm perfectly happy with my analogy. if drink excused actions then why do we have drink drive laws?
 

B_Hickboy

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There are no excuses for inappropriate behavior. There is no break for hormones. True, they are a part of what we are. Does testosterone play a role in my behaviour? Yes. There are good and bad aspects to that. If I give in to my worst urges and hurt someone, then I have no right to hide behind my balls and try to blame them. My hormone levels fluctuate but I'm always able to tell the difference between a rational thought and an irrational one, and to govern myself accordingly.

I had great hopes for this thread, but it's turning into a list of excuses. Abuse is abuse, no matter where it starts.
 

D_Madam_Ovary

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it's like... if someone's drink was spiked, it would be arseholish to be angry at them for being drunk. a little support and understanding can really help.

I agree with this.

The effect of hormones on temperament etc can be all-consuming...kind of like when you wonder if a crazy person knows they are crazy. Personally, I don't know and I only ever realise it with hindsight. It does freak me out tbh.

I can never tell when I have PMS attitude because, at the time, I feel completely normal, sane, reasonable, etc - it is everyone else that is being difficult and that is my 'reality' at the time because I don't feel different inside my own head. I never knowingly have it at the time or recognise it creeping up on me. It's only a couple of days later that I can look back and see it for what it was. The same thing will happen next month though.
 

dolfette

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I had great hopes for this thread, but it's turning into a list of excuses. Abuse is abuse, no matter where it starts.
please quote the posts where abuse has been excused.

there's a vast difference between explaining emotions and excusing actions.
 

dolfette

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I agree with this.

The effect of hormones on temperament etc can be all-consuming...kind of like when you wonder if a crazy person knows they are crazy. Personally, I don't know and I only ever realise it with hindsight. It does freak me out tbh.

I can never tell when I have PMS attitude because, at the time, I feel completely normal, sane, reasonable, etc - it is everyone else that is being difficult and that is my 'reality' at the time because I don't feel different inside my own head. I never knowingly have it at the time or recognise it creeping up on me. It's only a couple of days later that I can look back and see it for what it was. The same thing will happen next month though.
i know when i have pms.
same as i know when i'm drunk.
i'll make a point of spending more time alone in order to prevent me snapping at my family. i'll remind myself that i'm hormonal a dozen times a day. i get mightily offended by people seeing my acknowledgement of hormonal influences on my mood as excuses for behaving in a way which i go to great lengths not to.
 

D_Madam_Ovary

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There are no excuses for inappropriate behavior. There is no break for hormones. True, they are a part of what we are. Does testosterone play a role in my behaviour? Yes. There are good and bad aspects to that. If I give in to my worst urges and hurt someone, then I have no right to hide behind my balls and try to blame them. My hormone levels fluctuate but I'm always able to tell the difference between a rational thought and an irrational one, and to govern myself accordingly.

I had great hopes for this thread, but it's turning into a list of excuses. Abuse is abuse, no matter where it starts.

Rightly or wrongly the law (in the UK) recognises that this is not always the case - hence the crime of Infanticide rather than Murder/Manslaughter. A woman is legally considered to not be in her right mind for the 12 months following childbirth because of the phenomenal hormonal changes that take place over that period.

Sometimes (although granted not always) the effects can just be that overwhelming
 

D_Madam_Ovary

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i know when i have pms.
same as i know when i'm drunk.
i'll make a point of spending more time alone in order to prevent me snapping at my family. i'll remind myself that i'm hormonal a dozen times a day. i get mightily offended by people seeing my acknowledgement of hormonal influences on my mood as excuses for behaving in a way which i go to great lengths not to.

I wish I knew.
 

dolfette

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true i s'pose. the effects of hormones can reach the point of mental illness. post natal psychosis, for example.
 

B_Hickboy

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i know when i have pms.
same as i know when i'm drunk.
i'll make a point of spending more time alone in order to prevent me snapping at my family. i'll remind myself that i'm hormonal a dozen times a day. i get mightily offended by people seeing my acknowledgement of hormonal influences on my mood as excuses for behaving in a way which i go to great lengths not to.
Why bother?

One thing I've noticed about you is that you're not the world's best listener when you're having a good day, and that when you're offended, your ears close up altogether. I know better than to even try at times like this. You're sitting there with your hands poised over the keyboard, reply at the ready, before you even read what I have to say, so no thanks.

This thread started out with a condescending title, and it comes as no surprise that it's degenerated this far this fast.
 

D_Madam_Ovary

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for me there's a physical knotty frustration. i feel it in my lower throat & stomach. unless i'm in an exceptionally high stress situation, i just don't get it when i've not got pms.

I am irregular so I don't even know to expect it at a certain time of the month and I feel... normal. At the time. It's only when I am coming out the other side that I think "shiiiiiiit, it was me"
 

dolfette

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hick, i fart in your general direction.
ignorance=lack of knowledge. not the same as stupidity.
and if you can't provide any of my quotes that excuse abuse,
then there's no point in this exchange at all.
I am irregular so I don't even know to expect it at a certain time of the month and I feel... normal. At the time. It's only when I am coming out the other side that I think "shiiiiiiit, it was me"
i was like that as a teen. puberty is a rough ride.
it took a while to figure out what of it was really me.