Eeeeuw you're creepy

[B_curiousme01]

okay, let's leave this alone now. We both are looking at it from a different perspective. You have said your part and I mine. If I hurt you, I apologize. Sincerely. It did feel like you have been somewhat picking on me here and there unjustly. So, peace and love and all that other stuff. Off to the gallery

 

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

OK so I've noticed an LPSG phenomenon, which I presuming is an extension of a phenomenon in RL.

There are men, both on this site and in real life who hang out with women or in LPSG terms post a lot in this forum, and there's clearly an angle to it.

Don't get me wrong, plenty of men (regardless of their sexuality) do in fact genuinely enjoy the company of women and whom women in turn enjoy the company of, generally these men have lots of female friends and that's all fine and dandy, I'm not really talking about that kind of guy.

What I'm talking about is the kind of guy who has made a very specific calculation, that if he hangs out with women or on LPSG posts frequently in Women's Issues generally saying "all the right things" and putting on a show of being gynocentric and woman friendly in one way or another that he will have a better chance of courting female sexual attention.

This second kind of guy is normally straight, though not always, and normally everything he does in the company of women or the content of his posts in LPSG's Women's Issues forum comes off as false, smarmy, and frankly creepy no matter how well studied his act is. Ultimately this guy views women as prey, and has come to the conclusion that the best way of hunting his prey is to make as nice as possible with it and stick to it like glue, until it lets its guard down enough for him to pounce.

There's something really offensive about these guys, the sexism of thinking that women aren't wise to their little ploy, and that somehow women are dupes to be manipulated and conned into feeling comfortable around them.

This second type of guy comes in a few varieties, one of the most offensive is the guy whose every word or action or post in this forum is basically a coded lure, a sneakily disguised attempt to initiate some kind of sexual interplay with almost any woman who will engage with them. Asking questions about seemingly innocent subject matter but occasionally slipping sexualised discussion in after they feel they've done enough to earn it. These guys give off a smugness, a kind of collector's pride at how many women are their friends, they seem to put huge effort in to saying the right thing rather than meaning it genuinely.


Don't get me wrong, I realise women are as sexual as men, and that this site being what it is many women who use this site are as interested in getting their jollies as many of the men are too, that's fun, that's normal no one could have a problem with that.

What bothers me, and I'm wondering if it bothers our female members is this creepy type of guy who hangs out in this forum (sometimes these guys use this forum almost exclusively) or indeed who hangs out with women in preference to other men in RL purely because they calculate that it will increase their prospects of getting female sexual attention, and not because they genuinely enjoy discussion with or the company of women regardless of the prospect of scoring them.

I'll be honest, these guys make my skin crawl a little bit.

All very interesting stuff and you're quite right in a lot of what you say. Now tell me this do you take the same exception to gay men on this site who do exactly the same thing in that they foist unwanted attention upon other males?

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

All very interesting stuff and you're quite right in a lot of what you say. Now tell me this do you take the same exception to gay men on this site who do exactly the same thing in that they foist unwanted attention upon other males?

I don't think I mentioned the foisting of unwanted attention, and the two things are not exactly the same, similar perhaps, but not exactly alike.

But of course I dislike and object to anyone forcing unwanted attention on anyone else regardless of the sexuality of the individuals in question.

Is there a reason you ask me that?

 

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

I don't think I mentioned the foisting of unwanted attention, and the two things are not exactly the same, similar perhaps, but not exactly alike.

But of course I dislike and object to anyone forcing unwanted attention on anyone else regardless of the sexuality of the individuals in question.

Is there a reason you ask me that?

Is their a reason why you posted your original post?

You didn't explicitly mention the foisting of attention but are your telling me that implicitly that's not the crux of your original post? You talk about men basically grooming women, I don't think any sane woman likes to be groomed so in my book that's unwanted attention.

I wondered why you focussed solely on men chasing woman, I appreciate that this "Woman's Issues" but surely the sentiment is exactly the same for men chasing other men?

I'm just wondering why you have expressed one side of the discussion and not the other.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Is their a reason why you posted your original post?

You didn't explicitly mention the foisting of attention but are your telling me that implicitly that's not the crux of your original post? You talk about men basically grooming women, I don't think any sane woman likes to be groomed so in my book that's unwanted attention.

I wondered why you focussed solely on men chasing woman, I appreciate that this "Woman's Issues" but surely the sentiment is exactly the same for men chasing other men?

I'm just wondering why you have expressed one side of the discussion and not the other.

Is it obligatory that I discuss both?

I wanted to discuss a specific phenomenon which I've observed, a phenomenon which I wondered if our female members had observed, and given that it effects them and as you rightly observe this is the Women's Issues forum it seemed a natural place to discuss the thing.

If you wish to raise the issue you're concerned about you're more than welcome to do so in the correct forum, and I'm sure plenty of members will join you in that discussion.

 

[curioustitan]

I don't know about the rest of you...but social raydar for creepiness aside, i woudn't mind being foisted upon a little more often

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I don't know about the rest of you...but social raydar for creepiness aside, i woudn't mind being foisted upon a little more often

Oh you're gonna get foisted upon, foisted upon good :wink:

 

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

Is it obligatory that I discuss both?

I wanted to discuss a specific phenomenon which I've observed, a phenomenon which I wondered if our female members had observed, and given that it effects them and as you rightly observe this is the Women's Issues forum it seemed a natural place to discuss the thing.

If you wish to raise the issue you're concerned about you're more than welcome to do so in the correct forum, and I'm sure plenty of members will join you in that discussion.

Of course it is far from obligatory.

I find it interesting that you focus on one and not the other, indeed I find it very revealing that you recognise one and not the other.

Your getting very defensive at what was a perfectly innocent series of posts.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Of course it is far from obligatory.

I find it interesting that you focus on one and not the other, indeed I find it very revealing that you recognise one and not the other.

Your getting very defensive at what was a perfectly innocent series of posts.

In what way defensive? And when I already told you I think the behaviour you're talking about is objectionable how have I not recognised it?

I explained to you why I focused on the issue I raised in my OP, I'm not really getting what you're trying to say here.

 

[curioustitan]

In Hilly's defense, i'd like to add that as a guy with many female friends myself and being of the sexual orientation that i am, i feel a little duty-bound to point out potential predatorial types. Whilst he's not necessarily pointing anyone out or following the naming and shaming route, but rather raising an issue or concern for all of us to discuss openly.
That being said, i know that it takes a 'special kinda gal' to join LPSG and that my concern should probably be for the poor unsuspecting 'creepy male' type... about to experience the full 'Lorena Bobbit' from a few 'creepy females' that i've noticed here... at least one on this very thread... but no names!!!!'

 

[petite]

I totally understand what Hilaire is talking about regarding the overly friendly predatory types who are insincere and creepy as a result, the problem is that when you point it out, everyone feels really self-conscious about who is being nice to whom and what their motivations are and it suddenly feels like it might be deceptive or manipulative to be really nice and friendly, and that's not a good feeling at all, which I think is the reason for some of the push-back. It's a very thoughtful thread, but a paranoia inducing one, too!

 

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

I totally understand what Hilaire is talking about regarding the overly friendly predatory types who are insincere and creepy as a result, the problem is that when you point it out, everyone feels really self-conscious about who is being nice to whom and what their motivations are and it suddenly feels like it might be deceptive or manipulative to be really nice and friendly, and that's not a good feeling at all, which I think is the reason for some of the push-back. It's a very thoughtful thread, but a paranoia inducing one, too!

I think Hilaire's points are totally justified and are based on a solid foundation, However I think the topic is a bit more wider than what he's made out in the original post - I think it's important to highlight this.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I totally understand what Hilaire is talking about regarding the overly friendly predatory types who are insincere and creepy as a result, the problem is that when you point it out, everyone feels really self-conscious about who is being nice to whom and what their motivations are and it suddenly feels like it might be deceptive or manipulative to be really nice and friendly, and that's not a good feeling at all, which I think is the reason for some of the push-back. It's a very thoughtful thread, but a paranoia inducing one, too!

I know, and actually I was glad it had died off, someone linked to it in another thread making another point which I suspect is why it was necromanced back to life.

As I said in the other thread in question, I must learn to heed the labels on old bottles marked "Do not open- GENIE INSIDE" :tongue:

 

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

In what way defensive? And when I already told you I think the behaviour you're talking about is objectionable how have I not recognised it?

I explained to you why I focused on the issue I raised in my OP, I'm not really getting what you're trying to say here.

You indeed said that the behaviour was objectionable but you never explicitly said that such behaviour exists on this site, or indeed anywhere else.

Yes you explained the reason why you rose the issue in the first instance but you seem to be taking my comments as harsh criticism - to say that if I have a problem with it I should post a thread elsewhere doesn't really stimulate useful debate nor does it much to create the impression that your open to discussion.

My point is that surely the issue is a much a problem for women as it is for men. And since a number of the women on this site seem to be erudite and articulate enough to identify and highlight such behaviour I would suggest that they are more than capable of handling such situations without you or I lending them pro-active sympathy.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

You indeed said that the behaviour was objectionable but you never explicitly said that such behaviour exists on this site, or indeed anywhere else.

Yes you explained the reason why you rose the issue in the first instance but you seem to be taking my comments as harsh criticism - to say that if I have a problem with it I should post a thread elsewhere doesn't really stimulate useful debate nor does it much to create the impression that your open to discussion.

My point is that surely the issue is a much a problem for women as it is for men. And since a number of the women on this site seem to be erudite and articulate enough to identify and highlight such behaviour I would suggest that they are more than capable of handling such situations without you or I lending them pro-active sympathy.

I'm not taking your words as criticism, to be honest I was initially somewhat unsure what you were really driving at and reluctant to presume things.

I'm not sure if this exact form of behaviour is as prevalent in women as it is in men, though I'm quite certain there are women who are insincere and use various forms of deception to get what they want from men. I'm sure there could be one or two women on this site who do that.

I'm sure there are gay men who do this, and I'm sure there could be some on this site.

Though mind you I've always been at pains to point out that I don't think this is all that common in heterosexual men, and that the vast majority of male/female interaction on this site is perfectly innocent, and of a face value nature.

But as a moderator charged with keeping the forums relatively organised and focused on their intended purposes I'm aware that if I wanted to discuss all forms of deception human beings use to get what they want from one another I would have to bring that up in another forum, because it wouldn't be specifically a women's issue, it would be perhaps a relationships, discrimination and jealousy issue, perhaps something to be raised in Etc Etc. I regularly have to move member's threads from one forum to another because their intended discussion isn't a good fit or appropriate at all for the forum they've been started in as part of my duties as a Mod.

Since it wasn't my intention to have the kind of wide ranging debate about all forms of deception people use to get what they want from each other, and instead I intended a more focused debate on one form of deception which effects women I felt it only right to open that discussion here, and not really address other forms which would then make the thread more appropriate for another forum and not really about the issue I was specifically interested in.

The reason I suggested you open another thread discussing what you're talking about in another forum wasn't a dismissal, far from it, as I said many members would probably join such a discussion, and were that discussion a productive one I would follow it myself, and quite likely post in it myself.

 

[Patchos]

In Hilly's defense, i'd like to add that as a guy with many female friends myself and being of the sexual orientation that i am, i feel a little duty-bound to point out potential predatorial types. Whilst he's not necessarily pointing anyone out or following the naming and shaming route, but rather raising an issue or concern for all of us to discuss openly.
That being said, i know that it takes a 'special kinda gal' to join LPSG and that my concern should probably be for the poor unsuspecting 'creepy male' type... about to experience the full 'Lorena Bobbit' from a few 'creepy females' that i've noticed here... at least one on this very thread... but no names!!!!'

 

[B_curiousme01]

well, for every Lorena Bobbit, there are the jeffery dahmers of the world and others - mostly men -... the original intention of the thread is good and really applies to everyone. Creepy people exist and it's best to ignore them. If they don't go away, then the Moderators will help you

 

[D_Francis Skrotam]

I totally understand what Hilaire is talking about regarding the overly friendly predatory types who are insincere and creepy as a result, the problem is that when you point it out, everyone feels really self-conscious about who is being nice to whom and what their motivations are and it suddenly feels like it might be deceptive or manipulative to be really nice and friendly, and that's not a good feeling at all, which I think is the reason for some of the push-back. It's a very thoughtful thread, but a paranoia inducing one, too!

?Petite u are exactly correct,my motive on here is to meet and talk to ppl and I'm not being nice to try to screw someone, I'm just a nice guy by nature. I did feel a little self concious after reading all these posts but I'm not gonna change, I'm still gonna be nice to male or female!

?







:smile: