Eliminating one's desire for intimacy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by wallyj84, May 20, 2010.

  1. wallyj84

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    I've recently realized that I have a desire to be intimate with people. Now by intimate I mean non-sexual physical and emotional intimacy. Stuff like cuddling and talking about personal things.

    I don't like this desire. I don't like the idea of intimacy at all. Being that open to another human being is a recipe for disaster, IMO. It's something that should be avoided when possible.

    So that brings me to my question, how do I get rid of this desire? How do I make myself not want to be intimate?
     
  2. dolfette

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    you can't.
    you've got millions of years of evolved instincts telling you that intimate relationships cement your bond to the group, thus keeping you safe and alive.
    the only people who get a free pass are those with a bit of a defect...psychos and some people on the autistic spectrum.

    you could try getting a pet.
     
  3. salter

    salter Active Member

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    There is an alternative. You could learn to accept it first and then channel it only to where you want it to go.
     
  4. petite

    petite New Member

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    Dolfette is right.

    You can't suppress it. Trying will make you psychologically unhealthier because it's unnatural unless you have a very particular disorder that makes being alone natural for you.
     
  5. wallyj84

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    So how would I go about channeling this desire for intimacy? What kinds of things can I channel it towards?
     
  6. sargon20

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    Avoiding intimacy is a recipe for lifelong unhappiness. The two are inextricably bound.
     
  7. dolfette

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    pets.

    why do you think lonely old people have yappy dogs or houses full of cats?

    stroking a pet actually lowers your bp and improves your health.
    my big, gay dog keeps me mellow.
     
  8. wallyj84

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    That's very depressing. Why should my happiness be bound to being intimate with another person? Why should I debase myself with intimacy to be happy?
     
  9. dolfette

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    why do you find it debasing?
     
  10. wallyj84

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    When you're intimate with someone, this is from my experience, you lower your defenses and let someone be close to you. When you have this kind of closeness, the other person can see your weaknesses. Weaknesses that weren't so apparent before you two were intimate.

    Once your weaknesses have been revealed, you are in a bad position. What if after your intimate moment, your partner decides to blab about something you told him/her? Or about the details of your body? You will find your value radically decreased! Possibly, a person of high social value, could have their intimate secrets revealed and drop all the way down to a person of low social value or maybe even be declared defective.

    Unless you are physically and mentally perfect with no skeletons in your closet at all, intimacy is a mistake. The danger is just too great.
     
  11. Enid

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    Volunteer work is my suggestion, for whatever it's worth.

    I volunteer a lot at a local mental health facility that uses horse therapy for kids with autism. There's something about being around those horses, and the kids too. It's calming. Something like that could help you, perhaps.
     
  12. jimmenycricket

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    Dude, go see a therapist.
     
  13. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    I second that or try looking into becoming a monk.
     
  14. HiddenLacey

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    Unfortunately if you choose to cut yourself off from this your going to hurt yourself in the long run. Do you really not want to feel this anymore? You don't want to let someone that close to you? It's hard when you don't want to be hurt (which it sounds like you have been). But if you walk around with your guard up your going to miss something very special that makes life wonderful, the ability to connect with another person. Maybe you've been connecting with the wrong one's. I can't tell you how to channel this part of yourself. Unfortunately I have zero ability to control my feelings... and I kind of like it that way, I wouldnt be the sweet person I am otherwise. I couldn't imagine giving up the feeling of being intimate with someone I love (even if it hurts later it's still worth it)
     
  15. D_Alec_Baldtwins

    D_Alec_Baldtwins Account Disabled

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    Drugs and alcohol. Ask around - they work like a charm.
     
  16. dolfette

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    animals are great for no strings intimacy.

    rescue centres are always looking for people to pet & walk the animals too. that cuts out some of the human interaction.
     
  17. dolfette

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    or, if you've got the cash, would a regular massage work?
     
  18. Gecko4lif

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    Get raped.

    Quickest way.

    If you want a less traumatic way just rationalize your emotions

    They will soon fade away if you do that.
     
  19. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think your take on intimacy is fascinating. I mean, most people I know would give everything they have to have the kind of intimacy you're experiencing with another person, whether it's a partner or not. Being intimate emotionally and sexually is life's greatest gift. Not only do you feel connected to the other person, you also expand your own ability to love and care for others. To me this kind of intimacy is the purpose of life. It isn't the negative experience you're describing but actually an opening up of yourself to all of life. Yes, you have some hurtful experiences because you're vulnerable to others, but the ultimate joy and satisfaction that comes from intimacy is what makes us completely and beautifully human. I hope you'll learn something from your desire for intimacy that will make you fulfilled. :biggrin1:
     
  20. Stephenmass

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    I agree with Jon. Couldn't have said it better!
     
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