Embracing asshole-ness

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dafeesh, Jan 19, 2012.

  1. dafeesh

    dafeesh New Member

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    Embrace your inner asshole | The Mystery Key

    For anyone who has any questions about the asshole vs nice guy debates and as to how these two approaches affect your life, give this a read.

    "When you are in touch with your inner asshole you still do nice things but they feel differently to her. It feels like you are giving out of love and appreciation instead of giving out of fear of not giving! She will feel your strong core and know that you deserve respect. She will know that she must treat you well or you won't stick around because you value yourself and won't be in a situation where you aren't being treated right."

    This excerpt from the article is what drove me to post it since I thought it was worded very eloquently and it actually explains the thought process and reasoning behind it.

    I will even go as far as saying that in some aspects the article is wrong in describing this behavior as "asshole" behavior. You do not need to be an asshole or a dick or mean in any way to deserve respect. In fact, it should be the other way around. Men who behave respectfully towards women but still reserve respect for themselves first and foremost should be regarded as examples. We tend to think in extremes...like if someone is leaning to be nice then he will be overly nice and get stepped on while the other opposite is disrespectful and mean.

    I hate the fact that in this forum I see people describe themselves as nice guys in a bad light when it is perfectly normal and according to majority of women, its a good thing to be nice and care for them. Think about it...would you rather be with a an angry woman who yells at you and belittles or someone caring and reciprocating? haha ok...some people might but that's besides the point.

    Let me just reiterate..It is a GOOD thing to be nice to women but you must first be nice to yourself and respect you for you and no one else.

    Thanks for reading!:smile:

    P.S.- I know this has been beaten to death and bringing it up seems redundant and repetitive but it seemed liked a good resource for future reference.
     
  2. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    fuck off.
     
  3. petite

    petite New Member

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    I completely agree, especially with this part.
     
  4. Hand_Solo

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    I don't think it's physiologically possible to embrace my asshole.
     
  5. B_bxmuscle

    B_bxmuscle New Member

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    I agree with the OP: the article is being provocative in urging guys to be a-holes. Its' really about valuing one's self, expecting respect from your partner and treating people right because you want to, not feel intimidated to do so.

    I post a couple things recently that spoke to what I see as a growing phenomenon of pussy-whipped men. I don't understand it but think its there.
     
  6. petite

    petite New Member

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    A lot of PUA advice tells men that they ought to be assholes, which is unfortunate.

    When I met my guy, I thought he was an incredibly nice guy, which I really liked a lot. He never played any games with me, either. I always knew that that he was attracted to me and it was really obvious that I was attracted to him, too. I never thought he was a pushover and I can't describe why I didn't think he was. He's an extremely confident guy, but not cocky. He treated me with respect and I treated him with respect. All I know is that when I met him, I was sure that I wanted to date him for as long as possible and do lots of dirty things with him between the sheets. :tongue:

    There will always be people who don't know how to treat others, regardless of your attitude towards them. Some people just have their own issues like that. You cannot make a person who does not know how to treat others with respect suddenly respect you by presenting them with one attitude or another. The only thing you can do is get better over time at noticing who does and who doesn't treat others well and choose better partners. Abandon the ones who are toxic. Then once you find someone who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated, treat that person well in return, and you'll be happy.
     
  7. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Hahahaha Best answer yet! :biggrin1:
     
  8. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    Because straight men will give up anything/everything just to have someone to fuck regularly, and women know it, even if they don't all take advantage of it.
     
  9. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    I don't disagree with this article but what she discusses is not the only reason guys are labeled "nice".

    I'm not afraid to disagree with a woman or call her out when I think she's in the wrong. I've never been anything close to a "pushover" around women.

    Yet, I'm not that experienced with women. I have anxiety when it comes to making any kind of sexual advances, which displays itself as passiveness. Passiveness will also get you a "nice guy" label, not just being a pushover.
     
  10. D_Tess_Tease

    D_Tess_Tease Account Disabled

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    LOL!!! now thats funny right there....someone piss in your cornflakes Dragon?
     
  11. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Just embracing my asshole-ness.
     
  12. dafeesh

    dafeesh New Member

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    your comment made me smile haha brilliant.
     
  13. houtx48

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    for most people being an asshole come naturally, what is the big deal about embracing it?
     
  14. D_PooNaHoe

    D_PooNaHoe Account Disabled

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    Being an asshole is all part of my manly essence.
     
  15. D_Dick_S_Lapp

    D_Dick_S_Lapp Account Disabled

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    Working on my assholeness, seems to really be needed in everyday life.
     
  16. Phil Ayesho

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    My only disagreement is with the supposition that women think this way... I mean, respecting men who act like assholes because they are so true to themselves and giving out of love rather than fear.

    Women are attracted to assholes because, traditionally, assholes ruled the world.
    The asshole was the one who would be more willing to take a sword and wrest what he wanted from the meeker people around. The asshole was the one more likely to be effective at defending what was his and his woman and his children.
    In short, human women, whose sense of attraction evolved in a more tribal setting, go for the asshole because it conferred advantage in a tribal or even feudal society.
    Just as they also tend to go weak in the knees for celebrities, performers, and anyone else who is commanding the attention of masses of people. That attention translates into power.

    And, frankly, they are not "thinking" these things... they just get wet when the see a man who is aggressive or commands attention.

    To a certain extent, this evolved sense of attraction for aggressive males is no longer all that advantageous... we no longer live in a feudal/tribal society. Intelligence, persistence, emotional maturity, and constancy are far better predictors of who will succeed, on average, in our more technological world today... And smarter, more evolved women are the ones less turned on by aggressiveness and more turned on by smarts and humor.

    However... the world is still ruled by a peculiarly Unaggressive form of modern day asshole. They are not the ones most likely to pick a fight in a bar... they are the ones who will lawyer you into poverty if you pick a fight with them. They are the ones who will bend the rules and screw friends behind their backs just to make a buck, or gain an advantage.

    Much of the 1% in this world are the Assholes and children of assholes whose avarice outstrips their humanity.

    They are much harder to identify by the way they treat women at age 20.
     
  17. dafeesh

    dafeesh New Member

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    You are absolutely correct about that but should a man be an asshole to someone he is interested in?

    What I'm trying to get at is that there are other ways to display the qualities that are valued in assholes like confidence and self worth.
     
  18. D_Dick_S_Lapp

    D_Dick_S_Lapp Account Disabled

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    Oh no i know what you mean. And there is a real difference between just being an asshole and having asshole qualities.

    I don't know, i guess being an asshole towards someone your interested in is a little strange. I wouldn't normally go that route. Then again i've become seriously socially awkward. I have no idea what social cues even mean anymore.

    For instance i've approached situations here on lpsg with value, confidence and self-worth. Yet i was met with the idea that i was just another one o those. A split second judgement on one post i made.

    That's why i say i need to learn to be an asshole. Not just to be one, but to be able to pick up on it more thoroughly instead of approaching people with whom really don't get when someone is actually not being an asshole.

    Sort of like having to learn the language of a new place.

    I think the best way to show your confidence is to just be confident. If they like you back great. If not then it isn't the end of the world. Which honestly might make them jealous. And thats where the self worth comes in. Are you worth more than someone that just wants you out of jealousy?

    It would be way more shocking if i said that relationships are easy than saying they're complicated.
     
  19. petite

    petite New Member

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    Not unless you want to drive away people who want to be with someone who respects them, like you expressed you wanted in your OP. It seems mighty hypocritical to treat someone else badly if you want to be treated well in return, and not a strategy that is bound to work out in the long run.

    Yes there are! And you were right about people seeing the extremes and not realizing that there's a happy medium between being a doormat and being an asshole. A person can be assertive about their needs yet also respectful towards the other person.

    Really, aren't you talking about the golden rule? Treat others as you would want to be treated?

    Personally, I try to avoid words like "nice" because they're too confusing. Some people think "sad pathetic doormat who is needy and clingy" and others think "sexy boy next door who will hold the door open for me and be nice to my grandmother who I want to roll in the hay with." That word conjures up such different images depending on who uses it and how that it is practically meaningless.

    The positive idea of that sexy guy is someone who is confident but not too cocky, well-mannered but not prissy, can be gentle and big-hearted but not wimpy, strong but not too cold or too distant, civil but not too formal, funny but not too crass, smart but not condescending or lecturing.... it's a balance. It is easy to see each side. The asshole is too cocky, too cold and distant, too crass, condescending and lecturing. The negative idea of the "nice" guy has no confidence, is wimpy, prissy, and too formal. Neither extreme is particularly sexy.

    The only part I disagree with is the idea that one can actually change how someone else treats you or make someone else respect you. While there is some truth that your attitude has an effect on how others treat you, and in my opinion both being a doormat and an asshole will affect how you're treated in return, that only goes so far and it's only true sometimes. Sometimes when someone treats you with disrespect, it has nothing to do with you at all and you're really the "victim" of someone else's personal problems. There are a lot of people who are basically oblivious to whatever attitude you display towards them and you can't make someone else change by holding your head up high and being confident about yourself. So, I think your own attitude matters a lot when it comes to attracting someone, but when it comes to getting someone else to treat you well, sometimes that is really about knowing who to choose to date, or if that person was especially good at hiding his or her issues from you so you didn't find out until later, knowing when to cut that person loose from your life and moving on to find someone who knows how to be in a happy relationship. In my opinion, that's a skill that not everyone has, but one that most people can acquire.
     
    #19 petite, Jan 20, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2012
  20. willow78

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    Pet, I know you and your nanna are close, but really? :tongue:
     
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