Emotional bonding and sex.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Drifterwood, Apr 8, 2009.

  1. Drifterwood

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    I think that this is a big issue, and I am interested in the different takes that people may have and what relevance their sex and orientation has on their thoughts.

    I have emotional bonds (friends) where there is no sex. I have friends with whom I have had sex, but our friendship is the stronger bond. People with whom I have made a strong sexual emotional bond, but are not friends as such.

    Great sex does develop in my experience a strong emotional bond. But this does not have to lead to lasting friendship or relationships. I just wonder whether maybe not understanding these things and not having the experience to recognise the differences is something that creates problems in relationships.

    For example, those who do not believe in sex before marriage. You may have developed an emotional bond, but you might find that that bond is not strengthened by the emotional bond that good sex gives. Do you believe that the mere act of sex is enough to strengthen that bond irrespective of its quality and emotional value to you?

    I wonder whether men are generally able to be more open to the distinction whereas our culture still teaches women that you can't have a strong sexual emotional bond without having a friendship/respect emotional bond beforehand. Or are women generally and genuinely different in this respect?

    I say generally because I do know women who are not interested in relationships at all, beyond the bedroom. And for the record, when I was younger, I was forever confusing a strong sexual bond with a wider relationship bond.
     
  2. Stephenmass

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    In my own case at least, I can honestly say that normally, my emotional bond before any sexual encounter will only enhance the sex. If it's someone you are really into and connect with on all other levels, the sex generally takes care of itself and can be the most satisfying sex ever!
     
  3. Drifterwood

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    There is some truth in what you say, Stephen, but I don't think it is a universal truth. We would like it to be, but I just don't think it is.
     
  4. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    The more important question to me is who I actually end up being involved with. I've found that if I'm really connected deeply with another person, then the sexual part is a perfect expression of our love. I don't think there's a clear theory about this. I think that each person decides for his/her self what one's needs and desires are. When you meet a similar woman or man, then you function out of your own convictions and experiences. I don't think there's some perfect way to have a relationship. Good question.
     
  5. BJ89

    BJ89 New Member

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    yeh sex with friends is best but not many people can walk that line comfortably without blurring the lines
     
  6. B_Artful Dodger

    B_Artful Dodger New Member

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    I generally try to avoid having sex with too many friends as a general rule cus it can get pretty complicated when they are buds ex's and stuff... however I'll agree that those I have had sex with I feel closer to :smile:
     
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