Dear Cale,
I am going to add my two cents here. If I'm repeating someone else or this is mere surplussage than I apologize.
Coming out can be a very, very difficult thing. Until you do it, you will be consumed with fears that are diferent versions of the same thing. You will wonder how your parents will react and you will be scared to death that they will never look at you the same way again, that you will never feel the comfort of going home, sitting on the couch, sharing jokes and memories from childhood: that you will never be their litltle boy, their son, again. This fear is always worst for those who love their families. Its an emotional problem that seemingly, paradoxically, is in direct proportion to the functionality of your family.
You probably also worry about the reaction of childhood friends, your best friend from high school. the clique you hung out with etc. And the last thing you want to be is the gay cousin, uncle, nephew, grandson, etc. Will some of these people from your life be awkward around you? Not want to hang out? Say things behind your back? Probably. But most will get over it. And as far as the high school friends go, they were likely going to fade into the past anyhow.
Lastly, you probably have trouble envisioning an adult life as a gay man. What will that be like? Does it mean an existence of sleaze, bath houses, dirty sidewalks and neon signs blinking outside your roach infested 4th floor walk-up apartment? Will you spend your days in some anonomous office, keeping to yourself and refering to a girlfriend no one will ever meet, pretending you like going to the occassional strip club with your boss and coming up with new and creative excuses when friends tell you they "have the perfect girl for you, you really should meet?" Will all pleasure come after midnight when you stalk the streets on the dingy side of town, making darting glances at guys you might not even be attracted to just so you can sneak off to the balcony of a movie theater or a back room for a quick blow job, then skulk back home to feel miserable and alone?
Anyhow, you get my drift. When I was growing up (I'm in my 30s) these were the only images I had of gay life. (We didn't have Will and Grace.) But this is not my life. And it doesn't need to be yours. Your parents will need time to get used to it but they will come around. Oddly, I think that having gay children can be very healthy for parents. At a time when most adult lives are devoted to nothing but the slow atrophe on the way to retirement and death, parents of gay kids have to grow and learn and turn their brains back on. Most of your friends will probably be pretty cool when you tell them and, to some extent, they already suspect/know. Don't kid yourself. They just don't know how to bring it up to you.
When you come out your life will improve so dramatically I can't begin to describe. People keep saying its hard being gay and I don't exactly know what that means. Life is hard. Life is struggle. But life is also fun, rewarding, challenging and fulfilling. And this is for straight, gay, bi, whatever. All adolescents are faced with the challenge of learning to build for themselves an adult life that most closely resembles the one that will make them happiest. Straight kids wonder too about finding love, where will they live, what will they do, how much money will they make, who will their friends be. Heterosexuality is only an answer to those questions for folks who don't really want to ask them or don't really want to know the answers.
Finally, I don't agree with the advice to get yourself to a bath house. I'm guessing that this is not what you are looking for and that it is, to a certain extent, what you are trying to avoid. Join a gay student group. Meet people there. Do things with them. Go for a walk, hike, to a movie, to a shopping mall. Go to gay.com and make some online friends. Chat with them. Find out what they like, what are their interests. Then meet one or two or three at a bar or movie theater or coffee house, etc and hang out. Or go to a gay bar and when you see people that you think you want to meet, walk up to them. "'Sup? Can I buy you a drink? My name is Cale. You want to shoot some pool? Do you want to dance?" Don't be afraid to breach that divide. Starting the conversation is the hardest part. And when you find someone that you are attracted to and he's attracted to you, lean in and give him a kiss. It will be the happiest moment of your life (until you continue living the rest of it.)
You will slowly find that all your fears about coming out were unfounded and those feelings will be replaced by the feeling of actually living your life and truly enjoying it. And when you face future crisises (I'm failing Biology 327, my boyfriend broke up with me, I need to break up with my boyfriend, I've graduated college now what? Where will I live? What will I do? I got laid off/fired, I can't come up with a downpament for the house I want, now I've bought the house and I didn't know how much work it needed, "Honey, am I losing my hair?" and so on) you will have the stregnth that somes from having gotten through that earlier crises which, by now, will seem pretty inconsequential.
Well, if you are still reading you've got a pretty big attention span. Maybe there's a support group for that, too.
