Emotionally Unstable?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Darkriff, Sep 29, 2009.

  1. Darkriff

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    For the past several years I can't remember a time in which I had been truly happy. But here recently, it seems that it's gotten worse.

    In the past week or so I've began feeling more and more worthless, sleeping 14 hours a day on average on the weekends. I can no longer bring myself to go to work for fear of unacceptance and rejection. This morning I sat on my couch and seriously thought about walking into the kitchen to grab a knife and cut my wrist, watching the blood spurt down the sink, just so I could go to the hospital and avoid going to work to be around other people. Now I know what you're thinking, a cry for help, or someone that enjoys the attention of medical personnel. It's not like that. I thought about it in attempts to avoid social confrontation.

    It's scary to me beginning to wish bad events occuring to my wife and child just to avoid going outside the house. I have felt more and more hopeless and just generally miserable.

    I've always had a slight social anxiety, but never had I thought about hurting myself or those around me just to avoid social confrontations. Obviously I need to seek help, but I don't know which it could be. Severe depression, or severe social anxiety.

    And yes I am aware that I need to seek help but I really don't know where to start. The last thing I want is to "talk" to someone. It's embarrassing to spill your guts to someone you don't even know. I even find it hard to go and see a doctor, I just wanna curl up into a ball and be forgotten. My job, my marriage, and sense of sanity are at stake.

    I guess I'm posting this just to find some sort of relief. I cried in the shower thinking about it and oddly feel a bit better after doing so. As said before, I'm not in denial, I'm not craving attention, I know there's a problem and I need to seek help, this I don't need to hear again. Please no flaming, I didn't post to be your joke of the day.

    I guess my question is this, have you ever felt like this? If so how did you overcome it? Where can I start? Should I ask my wife to take our kid to her mom's for a while so that I can work through this?
     
  2. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    OK well if your really 24 then you have a lot of responsibility in your life and that combined with what you describe as social anxiety is bound to make dealing with the stress in your difficult. You do need to seek professional assistance, there's no shame in it, at least you wouldn't feel any embarrassment if you went to a doctor with a broken arm would you ? Your mental health and wellbeing are no different.

    It's extremely unlikely that if you have a long term problem with anxiety and depression that you will be able to fix this on your own without proper expert help, just like you wouldn't expect your arm to work too well if you set it yourself after a break.

    You start by getting a referral to a therapist, or psychiatrist, perhaps your general practitioner can help with that.

    If your genuinely worried that your feelings might motivate you to harm anyone else then perhaps it might make sense to keep away from those people but if you sure you'd never harm anyone else then isolating yourself and increasing your sense of being alone and unsupported with this problem may only make things worse.

    If you can open up here about this to people who don't know you, and don't love you, then you can be honest with those who do know you and love you. You don't have to tell them everything if you don't want to but letting them know that your feeling out of control or desperate might well make it possible for them to help you and support you.

    Seriously consider seeing a therapist, or psychiatrist, and don't see any of what may take place after that step as defeat, or negative, if you had any other kind of illness or injury seeking a doctor's help and the subsequent treatment would be a huge positive step no ?
     
    #2 D_Tim McGnaw, Sep 29, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
  3. B_cowlick

    B_cowlick New Member

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    You've done what you can assessing that your feelings are imbalanced. The next step is to see your family physician who will refer you to a physciatrist. You don't need to complicate your self by trying to diagnose your condition on your own. It will create both a fixation on your difficulty and postpond getting support.
    Take each question as it comes up don't let your mind rush ahead. See your physician get diagnosed find treatment then establish if you need to to take further step with where you and your children are concerned.
    Take care, you are not alone with this disorder, There are many people in this position and there are a lot of positive outcomes with therapy.
     
  4. _avg_

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    Yes.
    Still trying.
    Start ANYWHERE and don't stop until you're finished.
    Keep family & friends close -- your isolation is part of the problem.

    Good luck!

    "If you're going through hell, keep going."
    ~Winston Churchill
     
  5. Darkriff

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    Thnx alot guys, I'm sure you're right. As soon as the wife wakes up from her nap, we'll call a doctor together and schedule an appointment. I never even considered all the increased stress. Financial issues due to moving, my wife being on chemo, new work environment, and not receiving a paycheck for over a month and thousands of dollars worth of bills piling up surely wouldn't help the situation. I have yet to find a doctor to call my own yet because as I said, I just moved here. I'll definately make an appointment today at the least. Thnx again guys ^^
     
  6. oacliffbuddy

    oacliffbuddy New Member

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    Hey Darkriff,

    You're not alone. You've made the first big step by acknowledging there's a problem.

    Years ago, I was depressed and prone to repeating a relationship pattern that was a bit disconcerting to me. Each time I would become more aware that something wasn't right.

    I went into informal therapy (similar to an AA type meeting) several times until I realized I needed professional guidance if I wanted to truly understand and get beyond the problem. I found a female therapist because I wanted to be sure this person did not track in the same social circles as I and then embarked on a year long path of discovery.

    We delved into a lot of issues until a light bulb went off one day and I finally understood the root cause. It was only a session or two after that epiphany that I realized my need to continue therapy was over. With that my thereapist said "we're done then" and I was able to move forward more freely with a better understanding of who I was. That was 15 years ago.

    I know you might think it ackward and unnecessary but I really encourage you to find a professional therapist that can support and help GUIDE you through your issues until you have a better understanding of what discomforts you. For me I found it enlightening and rewarding. My therapist was there to help guide me through the fog until I could see clearly.

    Don't feel shy or embarassed about it. It can be an incredibly positive life affirming experience if you let it be. You don't have to tell the world about it (though I do because it was such a positive experience).
     
  7. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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  8. sxy_vince

    sxy_vince Member

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    Hi Darkriff,

    I haven't personally experienced the feelings you describe, but rest assured that they are very common.

    As other people have mentioned, talking to a physician or phyciatrist seems like your best option. This may seem daunting to you. But, if it helps give you confidence, keep the following in mind:

    1. Approaching a physician or physiciatrist may seem unpleasant, but so will be the alternative of continuing as you are. I could see a lot of courage in your post. Perhaps this is an opportunity to draw on that courage and 'bite the bullet' and go for the best option for your future.

    2. A physician or physiciatrist will not want to judge you or reject you. That is not what they are about. They go into their respective professions because they want to help people like you and me.

    If you think it might give you confidence, you might want to consider asking your wife to go with you to visit a physician or physiciatrist. You seem like a very sensitive and caring person, so I suspect that your wife would very much like to to everything she can to support you.

    We all need help from a fellow human being at some point in our lives. We all need to 'talk' at some point in our lives. That's what makes us human. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you.

    Look after yourself Darkriff,:smile:
    It will get better. :wink:
     
  9. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    Hey you sound like you have the world on your shoulders at the moment, even the very strongest people would be challenged and feel snowed under by what your facing. getting some help is the most natural and normal thing to do in this case, in fact its the first step in you actively getting back some emotional wellbeing, doing this puts you back in the driving seat and not helpless anymore. :wink:

    I hope everything works out for you, I'm certain it will.:smile:
     
  10. jumbo747jet

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    Mate, being able to admit to needing help is a strength.
     
  11. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Yes, I felt like this before and still... regretfully enough. The last few years life was crap for me, it is still crap for me at some points. Soon I have to go trough another really hard time. How do I overcome it, i don't know. The last year and a half I had a friend who was there for me, quite suprisingly tbh, never expected a friend like that... but soon things will change, but I'm still here... i take day by day but it is hard at moments.

    Like you said before, crying does gives relief, crying isn't a bad thing.

    Talk with your wife, you are married and promised to be there in health and miserable times. She will wants to help. Good luck
     
  12. Incocknito

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    A lot of people have felt the same way. Most people don't seek help though and don't learn how to "manage" the anxieties or other negative thought processes or events that everyone goes through.

    Maybe there are some events from your past that need to be dealt with? That is more of a psychological issue which would require a different "tool" to fix.

    But for most people with social anxiety and/or depression, the help comes from group therapy and CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Group therapy is actually very beneficial as you are able to realise that there are other people who feel exactly the same as you; that you're not a freak, 'weird', etc.

    The CBT part is basically where you learn to 'catch' your negative thoughts and shoot them down as ridiculous and fantastical.

    For example, you may think that at work people would laugh at you or maybe people in the street would, or that people are "looking at you". It can be a scary thought but the reality is that people are much too busy in their own lives, with their own thoughts to care about strangers on the street or even work colleagues. At least not to the degree you may think they care.

    You have a wife and kid, you are already very successful in life (IMO). This is just a bump in the road.

    Also, exercise helps a lot to keep you positive and motivated. Exercise releases endorphins which make you feel good and positive which should help to nullify your negative thought patterns.

    Negative thinking is just a bad habit. You can break it.
     
  13. dolfette

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    i've been depressed in the past.
    i took meds, had therapy and now i'm fine.

    so many people suffer depression at some point.
    it's far more common than you think.
    and it doesn't have to be forever.
     
  14. earllogjam

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    I've had the same kind of period in my life where I was emotionally and physically drained from a job and the city where I lived. Everything was just so difficult and I questioned whether life was really worth living. It was a terribly unhappy time in my life.

    I mustered all the strength I had and made a big change, moving to the west coast and changing jobs, going back to school and finding a new existence. It was traumatic, scary and depressing at times. During those trying times I grew as a person and realized deep down that I was not as weak or helpless as I had thought.

    If you love yourself and your wife and kid I think the choice is obvious for you to get out of your rut and start living again.

    Easier said than done. Some things that I realized which helped me during my darkest times

    - I control my thoughts and emotions, I have that power within me, my emotions do not control me unless I want them to.

    - Sometimes you just need to get out of your head and take a break from your self critical self talk - your brain working overtime to make you feel bad. Walks in nature alone, listening to music, talking long showers singing, they all clear your mind, take a break from yourself. It puts all your perceived problems in perspective and you can deal with them objectively and more effectively without all the emotions connected to them.

    - My body and how my body feels is directly connected to my emotional state. When I am sad I try to get a massage or do yoga stretches and it instantly makes me feel better emotionally.

    Positive energy your way. Small steps, one day at a time.
     
  15. Darkriff

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    I just got back from the doctor's office. My wife and daughter went with me for support. The doctor almost had me admitted to a Psychiatric Care Facility because of my thoughts. I talked him out of it and swore to him that if I had any more thoughts I would tell my wife and I would go to the ER immediately. He prescribed me some Pristiq and I'm to go back to see him on Friday. He also recommended psychiatric counseling, I'll probably get a referral to that on Friday. Thnx guys for everything, it's just the push I needed to get me going to get all this started. Thank you all so much.
    I've seen alot of familiar faces here, ones that I see alot when browsing threads, like Dolfette (Love ya hon!), pieterjoke, hilaire, _avg_, thnx alot. Ya'll won't ever truly know how much a few words really can help.
     
    #15 Darkriff, Sep 29, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
  16. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I'm really pleased for you, you've made a really big step towards being happier. It sounds like you have a lovely family who really care about you, and whom you care about too, with that kind of support I'm sure things will work out for you. :wink:
     
  17. dolfette

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    i never mention to my doc my desire to kill most people i know...for one, that's normal for me. i thought it best to keep things on a need to know basis.

    glad you managed to talk him out of the hospital thing.

    it can take a few weeks for the meds to kick in, but you already sound better for having taken the first step.
     
  18. Countryguy63

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    Hi Darkriff,

    We're all here for support anytime you need. For those who want it, I feel like this board is a bit of a Community, even though most of us will never physically meet. I'm so happy that you went for help.

    I want to commend you for coming here and laying it all out. It takes a much stronger person than I am :frown1:. I have battled with depression for quite a while now.

    You are fortunate to have someone standing beside you for support. You'll be ok Bud :smile:
     
  19. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    You're definitely not alone man. Aside from the thoughts of wanting to cause harm to myself or others, I've been in the same boat as you, and still am to a lesser extent.

    Medication and therapy are big helping factors, don't be afraid of them. And don't be afraid of talking to your significant other. I have my girlfriend to talk to and have just realized recently how amazing it is to have someone that loves you listen to your troubles. I had been afraid to open up to her about my feelings and now I am glad I did. I accomplished more with her in a few days of talking than I had with my therapist in several hour-long sessions. I'm off meds but thinking about getting back on them. They are a big help and you shouldn't be afraid of them. They can fill in that void or clear that fog in your brain that contributes to the way you're feeling. I used them before and felt so good that I thought I didn't need them. That was a mistake, and falling back down that hole has sucked.

    After a month or so of being depressed because of my anxiety issues, I finally feel like I'm starting to pick myself up again. You admitted there is a problem, that a huge step on the road to getting better. Don't be afraid to talk. Good luck.
     
  20. JamieBoy

    JamieBoy New Member

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    Well done Darkriffles.

    It takes a brave and solid person to realize that when the "Grey Clouds" (or Churchill's "Black Dog") start to drift in, that you need help of a measure beyond what you are capable of giving yourself.

    That Physician / Psychiatrist needs to, as a matter of urgency, get you on a responsive drug regimen - (this is what you have done).

    Next will come the Headman (or Headlady). Expain to you family what is going on. The hardest, for a man, is not to push them away - you desperately need all the love and support you can muster.

    A few thing that seem to help me:
    Vitamin B injections - regularly - one a week to give you a boost.
    Healing massage.
    Review your eating plan / diet with a registered dietician/nutricianist - (sometimes allergies lurk which are the triggers and culprits).
    Do energy work:
    Western - outward physical exercise, or
    Eastern - Inward energy manipulations: Chi-Gung / Quigong or Tai-chi?
     
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