This update is easily the most difficult to write as I am filled with strong and mixed emotions and in some places, I find it challenging to express what I am feeling deep down, at the core of my being.
Over the past several years I shared via posts on this site my thoughts about my attraction to men and my experiences and interactions. Looking back across my life, my desires for being with guys have evolved. There are probably three distinct buckets or eras – 1) noticing and admiring good looking guys with athletic bodies and jarred into reality by my tennis coach in college (
Who was the first guy you saw nude who turned you on? (18+ only)); 2) followed by acknowledging the attraction and letting myself be comfortable with this part of my sexuality, manifesting in years of jacking off thinking about guys or jacking off with them in steam rooms and saunas when the opportunity presented itself, both of which were adequately erotic and sexually fulfilling; and 3) a new reality once again through my experience with John and realizing I could fall in love and have an intimate relationship with another guy, opening the door to what could be a third, unknown phase of understanding my sexuality.
Seven months ago, I posted about an encounter I had with a guy in the showers at the gym. A guy I had seen a working out and in the locker room several times. As that encounter led to a budding relationship over the subsequent months, I discovered more about myself and I opened up to folks on here through posts and private messages. I have been blown away by those who have reached out to me with stories of their own. Men (and women) who offered their helpful insights, expressing regrets they had in their lives, yearning for something similar, just wanting to say hello or to thank me for sharing my story. I know I’ve said all of that before but I can’t emphasize enough how surprised I have been for the support offered and to discover there is a community of guys who fall all over the broad straight-bi-gay spectrum. Guys who can relate to the very feelings, emotions and pleasures of being with another guy and who do not fit neatly into one of society’s three little boxes of being straight or gay.
Several times a year my wife has her “girls time away” for a few days, usually with her sister. She works hard, does a lot to keep the household running and deserves her time away. I’ve never questioned it and it works for us. Every year I have one getaway and I have always chosen to go skiing for 2-3 days. My wife hates the cold, the snow and skiing so it allows me to do something I enjoy (but don’t get to do often enough) and not feel bad that she’s not having a good time. Again, it works for us. In years past I have traveled with a buddy or another couple, however it is difficult to coordinate schedules so I usually just go by myself. This year John joined me and we went the week before last. We talked about getting away for a different kind of trip, i.e., not a ski trip, but this was the only type of trip I could justify. We knew we’d both have fun and would enjoy being away for three and a half days and being with each other.
John arrived before me and I met him at the airport. I had two flights to fly that day, starting with an early 5:45AM first flight. For the flight to meet John, I flew on my dime and arrived still in my uniform. This was the second time he had seen me in my uniform and he really got a kick out of it. I loved seeing his excited, handsome face and broad smile. As I walked toward him I was hit with a sense of freedom that we were embarking on a few days unleashed to be ourselves. We greeted each other with a hug and he whispered how handsome I looked and that he wanted to eat me right there. A cute and sexy greeting. We picked up the rental car and as soon as the doors were shut we leaned over the console and kissed each other. I started the car and turned on the heat. We kissed again, this time my hand running up the inside of his jeans, cupping his bulge and massaging his cock and balls as our tongues swirled around each other’s mouth. John brought me back into reality as my hand was feeling his hardening cock through his jeans – there were several people heading our way, looking for their rental car. We laughed and drove out of the rental car lot and headed towards where we were staying. We stopped by a store and picked up some basics – breakfast items, alcohol and snacks and then headed to the place I rented. I splurged a little and got us a nicely appointed place that included an outdoor hot tub with privacy where we could lounge in the water naked, have a beverage and enjoy the view and being with each other.
When we arrived we unpacked the car. As soon as the last bag was in, John pulled me into him, held me tightly and kissed me. We alternated from passionate kissing, to looking into each other’s eyes, hands on each other’s ass, just smiling at each other and back to passionate kissing. John said, “I have always wanted to do this.” He stepped back, unzipped my uniform trousers, reached into my boxer briefs, and pulled out my dick, setting it free to get fully hard. He dropped to his knees and slowly sucked my dick.
I told John I didn’t want any Monica Lewinsky-Bill Clinton stains on my trousers and he laughed and said he’d swallow. I appreciated the offer but had a more leisurely late afternoon in mind since it was still daylight and suggested we get in the hot tub. I took off my uniform and walked out onto the deck in my boxer briefs, dick sticking out above the waistband. I took the cover off of the hot tub and as the rental company had promised, “we’ll have it ready for you.” The water was sparkling and warm. I turned on the jets and went back inside. John had stripped down to his boxer briefs and was at the kitchen island mixing a couple of drinks. I walked up behind him, put my arms around him and pulled him into me. He shuddered and said, “You’re cold.” I responded that the temperature outside was cold but the water was warm. I ran my right hand down his smooth stomach and into his boxer briefs, my fingers through his trimmed bush, over his cock and cupped his smooth balls. My dick was now rock hard and pushing against his firm ass. As I kissed his neck, my two middle fingers went behind his balls and lightly touched his smooth taint. My hand moved upward and to his now hard cock, moving along the length of his shaft and finding his dripping cock head. I played with his cock head and precum as I told him how much I loved him. I pulled my hand out of his underwear and put my two precum wet fingers in his mouth. He sucked his precum off and moved his mouth down the length of my fingers. He turned around and smiled and said, “I think the hot tub is calling us.” We took off boxer briefs, leaving them on the kitchen island and went outside with drinks in hand and boners bouncing in front of us as we got into the hot tub.
We sat next to each other, shoulders down in the warm water. After a few sips of the drinks John made we started making out, our hands feeling each other’s body. John stood up in front of me, his nipples hard from the cold temperature, drops of water running down his smooth chest and stomach and his hard cock pointing at my face. I put my hands on his legs and pulled his naked, wet body closer to me. My lips wrapped around his cock and traveled the length of his hard shaft, my tongue working the back of his cock as my mouth went all the way down, my nose into the short hairs of his bush. My mind was solely focused on John’s cock and hearing his soft moans of pleasure, my lips feeling his hard shaft, the velvety texture of his cock head and my tongue tasting his salty sweet precum. John leaned up and over me, to give me a better angle for sucking his cock. As he moved up further so I could get his balls in my mouth, my hands moved up the back of his strong legs and onto his smooth ass. I massaged his ass while I sucked on his shaved balls, his hard dick resting on my face. He lowered himself a little and I went back to sucking his cock while my right hand moved around massaged his balls. My hand then moved back, the middle finger finding his tight hole. I circled his hole until I felt it loosen up and then slowly inserted my finger. With my finger all the way in John’s ass, I tasted a bigger flow of precum leaking from his dick and it made me want John’s cock even more. He always shoots a bigger load if I’m fingering his ass while I’m sucking him. I worked a second finger in while still working his cock in my mouth. John naked, stretched out over me, his cock in my mouth, ass spread, two fingers in his hole – I’m sure the birds and squirrels were getting quite the show! I could tell John was close to cumming by the way his ass was pushing against my hand and riding my fingers, from his moans and because his cock was getting even harder and his cock head bigger like it always does just before he cums. I tightened the seal around his cock as my lips and tongue played with his dick, sucking in his hard shaft and the last drops of precum. His ass tightened around my fingers a second before he shot a hefty and forceful load into my mouth. His thick, warm cum contrasting with the cold, crisp air around us. I could not get enough of his cum; I didn’t want him to stop shooting his load. I swallowed his cum and slowly sucked him to get the last drops of his cum and to give him a minute to come down from his orgasm. He lowered himself back into the water, kissed me and said it was my turn. I pulled myself up and sat on the edge, my hard dick pointing upward. John positioned himself between my legs and started licking and sucking on my balls. This is his favorite way to start. He knows I love my balls sucked on and he likes teasing my dick for a few minutes before he takes it in his mouth and devours it. John took his time sucking my dick and I shot my load down his throat.
We sat arm in arm in silence for several minutes, taking in the snow-covered trees and open view. We transitioned to talking about what this trip meant to us. I’ve always kept John’s age and where he is in life in perspective. I’m more settled and he has his whole career and life in front of him. From time to time we talked about the challenges of continuing our relationship, especially if he relocates for a job after graduate school. After interviewing with several organizations, John accepted an offer three weeks ago. The position is his post-graduate degree dream job and he will be relocating to San Diego. He’s super excited about the job and it’s a good opportunity for him. But this means we’re in the realities of a time we knew was coming. If I was in a different place in my life and things were different I’d follow him. But that is not within my current reality. As we discussed this over the past couple of months we decided that we’d let go of each other. We talked a lot about what that meant. Neither of us like the idea of a hard cut off. We decided that we’d still stay in touch, occasionally meet up while he’s still local but we’d end our sexual relationship. We don’t know exactly how it’s going to work or play out and we’re open to adjusting as we go. We both believe it’s best for both of us to end this chapter but not end the friendship and fondness we have for each other. We didn’t want this to be a sad trip. We wanted it to be a trip to celebrate the two of us, what we had learned from this experience and to express our love for each other. As we told each other that we loved the other, we kissed and took turns rolling on top of the other, feeling ourselves against the other’s naked, wet body, our cocks and balls mingling between us. And then, with almost perfect timing, we both said we needed to get out of the hot tub and take a leak! We got out, put the cover back on and headed inside.
After taking a bio break, we played a couple of rounds of pool. Neither of us are pool players and our game is average-ish at best. But with the house now warm, it was fun to hang out naked and play pool. I’ll admit, he’s a better player than me and won both times that afternoon. In fact, I won once during the entire trip. OK, maybe I suck at pool.
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