Ended a 10 year-relationship

dante33

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As title says, we ended a 10 year relationship a few weeks back.
My now ex and I (MM) met at college and had an odd, semi-open relationship for the longest time. We lived separate lives and different houses, cities and at times, even countries. Yet, we always had each other's back and supported one another through ups and downs.
Thing is, as we passed the 8-year mark, we wanted to start living together, but life always had a way to mix things up. Finally, he got a good job that he loves at another city and I was going to move when a good opportunity came up where I was. I took it up and we both ended in a position where neither wanted to ask the other to leave their job for the other (our respective fields are relatively narrow and limited in well-paid-openings). I think the last few months we both dealt with the grief of an ending relationship, because last time we saw each other, we both agreed we were no longer satisfying each other's emotional needs, so we both decided to end it. No tears, no sap, nothing. Just two adults expressing their emotions. I can't say I was "relieved" it was over, but I wasn't sad either. I'm happy we could come up with something that made us both happy even if it wasn't what we would've wanted.

The thing that sort of made me sad is that our day-to-day life received a net zero change. I go on with my everyday routine and he goes on with his, like nothing happened. I think that maybe over the years we simply became friends with benefits. That still doesn't change the memories or experiences we had together, which ultimately helped shape who I am today. We still chat on the phone almost every day and that made me realize that maybe we were holding onto the relationship out of fear of loosing the support we had on each other, but seeing we are still there, even if just as friends helps me reinforce the notion that the love we have for each other is not gone, but merely changed form.
 

marriedasian

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Sounds to me like neither of you both were willing to sacrifice for each other for the sake of the relationship otherwise you both would be within arms length of each other today. This is not a bad or wrong thing, just an observation.

You both went about your own lives in the best interests of yourselves while clinging on to each other the best you could. Why you did this is only known to each of you... it could have been a true connection, it could have been out of convenience, or perhaps it was simply "better than nothing". Regardless, it worked for what it was until it didn't anymore.

There's a reason the breakup had minimal emotional distress because there probably wasn't much left to be distressed about.

Just my take based on what you've shared without filling in the blanks with my imagination.
 
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