Someone made a post about using extra marital cocksuckers on another thread in this same heading. I responded about a story i had when i was 18 and fresh out of the military and letting a guy do it once while i was loaded. I wasn't proud of it but it happened. I'm married now and we have had our up's and down's. Mostly downs. The sex when we met was great. i love my wife dearly and do not stray at all and never will. Anyways, she found my post while snooping around here because apparently theres a trust issue. I stated what had happened and thats not what pissed her off. What made it bad was at the end I stated the the sex is sub par and when she can't have sex because of back problems, urinary tract infections, i ask for the occasional blow job, hand job. I asked for a hand job the other day and she replied "i may get carpal tunnel syndrome". This is the kind of shit that goes on all the time. I stated "do i need to find a man to suck my dick because of my wifes inablity to do so"? It was taken that i was cheating on her. what gets me is she hates computers but she knew how to get to my post and i know shes had help from her friend which they did in the past. I do not lie or hide shit from her and never have except this website but i only come here to read others stories and maybe learn something from them ONLY to improve my marriage which didn't happen here. Shes very attractive and i love her with all my heart but we fight constantly because she has severe depression issues. it's ruining me and our marriage. her sex drive went from 100% to 0% after her last back surgery over a year and a half ago and she hurts alot. Shes on pain medication. I know i'm rambling here folks but i have no-where else to turn except for the forums that possibly ended my marriage. i try to talk to her about things but shes told me shes percieved as a "piece of meat". I buy her flowers, tell her shes beautiful, whatever i can do to let her know i love her and i care deeply for her but nothing works. she doesn't like that sort of thing. it's a long long story but the fundemental core of our relationship woe's are affection. she is incapable of giving it i feel and i come last to her. we we're doing a bit better after a huge fight 2 weeks ago until she went for some unknown reason snooping around here yesterday and found my post and packed her shit went to a friends and basically told the world of my post. yes im guilty of not telling her about this site but when shit like sex gets brought up, i've learned it's best not to say anything because it turns into a fight and she feels like i'm attacking her and it just drives her farther away. she has told me that i should be more than happy with sex once a week and that sometimes foreplay could last an entire week. Foreplay for an entire week???? i can't live like this and don't know what to do. the thing that hurts most is that was a pretty dark secret i laid out here but i guess i'm the one to blame for typing it for the world to see. what bothers me is she went and told her best friend after she spazzed out instead of talking to me and thinks i'm going to cheat on her which was not the case and i would never do that. now her family is involved because I think her friend opened her big goddamn mouth which she had zero right to do. how do i handle this? if i sound insensitive here you don't know the whole story and i'd be happy to elaborate. my 15 month marriage has surmounted to this "look but don't touch". she even admitted to me that she used her pain as a crutch to not be intimate in any sort of way. i tell her i don't need sex if we could mess around and do other things but that never happens either and i'm made to feel ashamed for advances towards her. i bend over backwards for this woman and wait on her hand and foot. shes the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing i think of when i go to bed. After what happened yesterday my friends and family are telling me to kick her to the curb and let her deal with her depression issues on her own because shes dragging us both down. she says she loves me and wants space but i'm on the road alot and i come home after 3 days of being away and i miss her dearly and she doesn't even act like shes glad to see me. i have told her this a thousand times and even sought counseling with her and it's kinda improves until we fight again. she needs medication badly but she refuses to take anti depresents froma past bad experience with them and just takes pain pills. she told me tonight she was going to go get on some tomorrow but is it unfair for me to request such a thing? the pain pills have caused her sex drive to drop to 0%. she can't even shit regulary. she might go as long as 5 or 6 days without shitting because of the pain pills. it's unreal to watch. she used to have a great sex drive and masturbate daily on top of sex. i have asked her if shes bored with me and she just tells me "i don't know". she can't even give me a straight answer. i have talked to her friends that have known her all her life and they say she was super depressed even as a small child. i'm really needing some feedback folks. sorry for the long post but my heart is breaking here. i also have 3 children from a previous marriage and shes great with them and they love her dearly. it makes it that much harder because i don't get to see them very much and my wife is all i have and i feel like i'm a 1,000 miles away sometimes when i lay next to her. i just want to die anymore because i refuse to let her give up. she said she just wants to hang out and be married but i don't want to just hang out. i want to l-i-v-e but she lays in bed all day and watches t.v. we hardly go on dates but i do try to get her out of the house. am i way off base her because from what everyone tells me i'm not. theres so much more to tell but the post is already long enough and the tears are welling up in my eyes and its late and i haven't slept in 2 days and i feel like i'm gonna lose it. if you Do read this one angel, i love you with all my heart but i just don't know anymore. i guess water and oil do not mix.