engagement

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by missbec, Jul 5, 2006.

  1. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    i need some serious advice,
    ive recently found that my lover would like to get engaged, strange to find out before getting engaged, yes. It is done through the church i go to (Russian orthodox) by a high priest who will be visiting Australia for the final time in two weeks.

    The problem lies not within my positive response to the engagement,

    my mother does not want anything to do with it, i understand why yet she doesnt know my bf's family too well and has outcast herself from the russian church.
    Her reason being is that she knows we are not compatible, i hate to think shes right, yet i somehow know that as she is a very intelligent person and picks people well.
    BUT i love my boyfriend (george) and am prepared to be engaged to him showing commitment.
    -bec
    what would you do being in my situation whether gay or straight
     
  2. mindstar

    mindstar Member

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    miss bec you're a beautifull intelligent woman...
    you have to do what you think will make you happy
    an engagement to me signifies more than a commitment - it indicates that it is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Now I am one of those sappy poofs that strangely believes in happily ever after but can't make a relationship work... but anyway...
    if you are happy with him - I say go for it :)
     
  3. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    thank you mindstar, i do wish you coudl come, its on the 15th :rolleyes:
    -bec
     
  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    You can spend a long, lonely lifetime trying to pick the right guy, only to find that you cannot choose the one with whom you fall in love.

    Go with your feelings.
     
  5. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    That twinge in your intestines
    Truer (and wiser) words were never spoken.

    But if I were in your position, I wouldn't follow the advice of ANYBODY on an internet message board. Except this.

    What you're being asked to embark upon is way too important.
     
  6. Gisella

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    Well, if U have doubts deep inside...u have to hear this voice inside...do not put aside...as u know is a very serious step to make...But work things out and try to aproach your family his family for your Mom to get to know them... U know she loves u very much she knows u deeper...well....



    I dont know your family dinamics but in mine we are knit together :rolleyes: as a teen it was irritating but as i got older it got it, i got the love behind 'strange' behavious :tongue: ..is natural before engagement both families get to know each other and blabla...not only my mother had a say but my grandmother and aunts too..:tongue: and the men speak through them...hehehehe...i felt love and very cared for me bcause i knew they believe in love they married with their love and etc...they wanted i had the same plus they knew me sooo very well! They observe us together and my reactions and felt in their guts/intuition and etc...

    I was engaged 3 times between ages 21 and 25...but at the end was my own decision..and im happy i did not marry any of them and they might too..they were nice guys but were not meant to spend life together...i did not love them soo much for that and in reality i could not say i would - to any men for a long time...and another thing we are so absorved with planning or dreaming with the wedding that we forget the great commitment of a marriage...

    At the end of my engagements my family told me: we already knew it. But deep inside i knew it too...i just could not see clearly.

    Wish you the best Missbec u know your own standing and i wish things work out great with Mom being part of it.:smile:
     
  7. AlteredEgo

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    I have no advice for you. Just *huggles*
     
  8. dong20

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    Missbec... I can only echo Hickboy....advice can be dangerous..it's a big decision only you can make, no one here is in your shoes, or head. I've been in a similar position and I know it's not easy.

    Make your own mind up and the very best of luck and happiness whatever you decide...:biggrin1:
     
  9. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    Not really sure why you brought your mother into this. Do what you want, and eff the haters.
     
  10. GoneA

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    Missbec,

    The fact that you seem to be taking everyone's opinion into consideration is laudable, at the very least. However, I feel your more pressing concern might be have a deeper introspective examination of yourself and where you're at in you life right now. That is, is marriage on your immediate 'To Do' list or on your 'Eventually, This Should Get Done' list.

    From your initial post, it appears that you really love your boyfriend and, there's no question in my mind, you've seriously considered embarking on a committed, sealed relationship with him. And I'm sure you're boyfriend is no stranger to these thoughts either. In the end, I think anyway, that really is all that matters - two people who love each other.

    You're mother may have a sort of natural intuition when it comes to people, but I'm willing wager that you've spent a great deal more time with your boyfriend than she has and, this time, mother may actually not know best. I will say, however, not to rule her out completely - but, in the same vein, don't make the influence of her opinions absolute. I personally find that, in situations similar to this, long talks are very helpful - not just between you and your mother, but include your boyfriend, too.

    And by the way, when you're boyfriend finally does propose, you soooo have to tell us everything.
    :wink:
     
  11. Ethyl

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    Gonnie, you are so sweet and wise.

    missbec, I wish you the very best.
     
  12. missbec

    missbec New Member

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    Thank you for your thoughts goneA, you have opened my mind a little and realise that is what i think, you're right, i love him, yet i love my mother too but am not going to spend the rest of my life with her, god bless her.

    He proposed!!!!
    oh my, what to say, lovely ring, stunning rather!
    nothing too romantic, yet this is unofficial as we have yet to attend the church blessing so i have to give the ring back, but i will tell you all about it when i return after the ceremony next weekend (held on the 15th).
    -bec
    thank you again :wink:
     
  13. Mem

    Mem
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    If you are prepared to be engaged then do it. An engagement can last over a year anyway. It gives you time to figure everything out.

    I think it's a great thing to either hint or let your partner know of your intentions of asking to be engaged, beforehand .

    If you are going to say no, you can just tell him not to ask you.
     
  14. Matthew

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    Congratulations, bec!
     
  15. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Congrats Missbec,

    I wish you the best in whatever you chose to do.
     
  16. mellowmal

    mellowmal New Member

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    I was going to write more, but then read GoneA's exquisite post, so I'll leave it at congratulations and best of luck! I look forward to reading whatever else you have to share about this!

    :smile:
     
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