Equal desire - the key to a lasting relationship?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by londonhanger, Aug 16, 2009.

  1. londonhanger

    londonhanger Active Member

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    Looking back on my previous relationships, lasting between 1 night (ok, maybe not really a relationship) and 2.5 years, I would have to say having a similar sex drive seemed to be a good indicator for a lasting relationship. Has anone else found this to be the case? In all but one instance I have had the higher sex drive but in the longest relationship we were pretty well matched.
     
  2. cbrmale

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    My experience is that men typically have the higher sex drive, especially over time. Relationships are complex things and sex is but one ingredient. However, major sexual frustration of one or the other can and often does spell doom. So I believe you need to be close to one-another in terms of sexual desire, and to be accomodating for the differences (say he just a little less than his ideal and she just a little more).

    What I believe is a key factor is erotic attraction to one-another from day one, and the desire and willingness to keep that erotic attraction alive and well. Many couples make good friends with shared interests, but not so many are overpoweringly sexually attracted to each other. If you have the latter, and it's either there or not, then keeping sex running well is not going to be a big effort. And erotic attraction is not lots of sex when you first meet, it's a lot more complex than that.

    I love my wife, and anyone who's read my posts will know this. I love her a little bit more every time we have sex with each other, and I think this is the way most men are. And I think she loves me a little bit more too. So sex is but one part of a complex whole, but an essential part nonetheless.
     
  3. whatireallywant

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    I think it helps a lot!

    I'm a woman who has had the higher sex drive in nearly every relationship (both long and short term) I've ever had. Sometimes the difference in my sex drive and his was so great that it was frustrating - and actually, in some cases it was not mental sex drive but physical that was the problem (I've dated several guys with chronic health problems that cause E.D., and that can be terribly frustrating for me - usually having a lot of long dry spells as it is due to shyness and other factors anyway, then when I find someone he is physically unable to have sex most of the time?! I know he can't help it and it really is a physical health issue, but that doesn't reduce my frustration.)
     
  4. HazelGod

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    I would say it's critical...to the point of being a make-or-break quality. If your levels of desire differ by too much (either way), I think you might as well hang it up.
     
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