Equation: Solve for confidence.

rob_just_rob

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BronxBombshell said:
My friend's no engineer. He's just a nerdy guy with a small penis, no positive experience romantically with women, and no confidence that this will change.

Hm.

Other than the small penis, that was me 15 years ago or so. And those doubts reappear from time to time.

That's the great thing about self doubt - it can magnify a perceived negative (the small penis) and yet, the converse (a large-ish penis) is completely discounted as a positive. In my case anyway.

This is probably the wrong forum in which to post what I'm about to say, but anyway... I think most women will find tons of reasons not to go out with a given guy BEFORE she has to resort to his penis as an excuse. Lack of self confidence, IMO, is a much bigger turnoff for most women than lack of a big penis is.
 

AlteredEgo

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rob_just_rob said:
Hm.

Other than the small penis, that was me 15 years ago or so. And those doubts reappear from time to time.

That's the great thing about self doubt - it can magnify a perceived negative (the small penis) and yet, the converse (a large-ish penis) is completely discounted as a positive. In my case anyway.

This is probably the wrong forum in which to post what I'm about to say, but anyway... I think most women will find tons of reasons not to go out with a given guy BEFORE she has to resort to his penis as an excuse. Lack of self confidence, IMO, is a much bigger turnoff for most women than lack of a big penis is.


I keep trying to tell him exactly this. I've been reading him everyone's posts every night. Thanks.
 

rob_just_rob

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BronxBombshell said:
I keep trying to tell him exactly this. I've been reading him everyone's posts every night. Thanks.

I wish I could give some better advice based on how I got over it, but I may not be totally over it, anyway. :confused:

I think Steve may be onto something. Do something well in front of others. And then don't give a fuck what they think. Easier said than done. Alcohol consumption aided the process, but I can't really call that good advice.
 

AlteredEgo

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rob_just_rob said:
I wish I could give some better advice based on how I got over it, but I may not be totally over it, anyway. :confused:

I think Steve may be onto something. Do something well in front of others. And then don't give a fuck what they think. Easier said than done. Alcohol consumption aided the process, but I can't really call that good advice.

I too think Steve may be onto something. For me, I imagined desireable outcomes for social situatiuons, and worked backward. I did and said what was neccesary to get those results. Suddenly people laughed at my jokes, cared about my opinions and invited my to spend more time together. I practiced at home, too, reviewing situations that had had poor outcomes, and responding better while facing myself at home. I also worked on more clearly defining (and then defending) my boundaries. I began to like my life, and myself. My advice? Fake it 'til you make it.

Alcohol renders my friend obnoxious after one drink.
 

gg42

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I think there needs to be an N(sub)S and an N(sub)H - serious and humorous - serious negative talk reflects poor self confidence, but what's wrong with poking a little fun at yourself? I make fun of myself for being a nerdy engineer, but I know I'm not a geek! Maybe it's a guy thing - women seem to treat it all as serious. Anyway, I used to be shy, now I'm not - tell your friend it can be done, your method would be very effective. And I'd minimize the size factor - remember, by the time the women sees it, she is probably too far along to care. Plus unless it's at one extreme or the other, I don't think it matters much to most. Plus there's nothing that can be done about it...

I'm trying to get a cynical comment to fit - an M term for money must figure in somehow....:smile:
 

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Yeah...I score a zero because of average monthly either way you look at it. My N is high too. Man...Confidence equations just make me feel worse.

._.;

mindseye said:
A model for C should include these variables:
  • H: sense of humor
  • W: willingness to try new things
  • F: fear of being judged
C = W/F + H
I like this formula better. I score higher.
 

rob_just_rob

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gg42 said:
I think there needs to be an N(sub)S and an N(sub)H - serious and humorous - serious negative talk reflects poor self confidence, but what's wrong with poking a little fun at yourself? I make fun of myself for being a nerdy engineer, but I know I'm not a geek! Maybe it's a guy thing - women seem to treat it all as serious. Anyway, I used to be shy, now I'm not - tell your friend it can be done, your method would be very effective. And I'd minimize the size factor - remember, by the time the women sees it, she is probably too far along to care. Plus unless it's at one extreme or the other, I don't think it matters much to most. Plus there's nothing that can be done about it...

I'm trying to get a cynical comment to fit - an M term for money must figure in somehow....:smile:

I think for a lot of us, N(sub)H masks T(for thoughts) (sub)S.

I used to be the king of self deprecating humour (well, prince regent, anyway) and still indulge in that sometimes. I *think* I'm doing this to be clever or cute, but I've finally come to realize that it's basically a form of camouflage - preparing the groundwork for failure or rejection, allowing myself to rationalize it as a joke.

I've found that a little of this sort of humour is okay, but as you said, women seem to treat it as being serious. That may be because they recognize it for what it is... camouflage. In my experience, anyway.
 

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rob_just_rob said:
I think for a lot of us, N(sub)H masks T(for thoughts) (sub)S.

I used to be the king of self deprecating humour (well, prince regent, anyway) and still indulge in that sometimes. I *think* I'm doing this to be clever or cute, but I've finally come to realize that it's basically a form of camouflage - preparing the groundwork for failure or rejection, allowing myself to rationalize it as a joke.

I've found that a little of this sort of humour is okay, but as you said, women seem to treat it as being serious. That may be because they recognize it for what it is... camouflage. In my experience, anyway.

good points, but I think a little bit is healthy - keeps one from being arrogant. I'm thinking stuff like - "well of course I buy the large tuna cans - buying the smaller ones would be a suboptimal use of resources". Not Rodney - "I'm so ugly when I was born the doctor slapped my mother" ba doom tish:biggrin1:

EDIT: just though of a better example - joking around about being a cretin - "foreplay - I've read about it!" - I used to think women would take that as a sign that I get it - I joke about it as a way of saying I enjoy it, without being boorish and bragging about how great I am, but it doesn't work that way. Always mystified me - why in the world would a guy make that joke if it was an issue, but I've learned the rest of the world doesn't see it that way. Still can't do the bragging thing though.
 

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gg42 said:
I think there needs to be an N(sub)S and an N(sub)H - serious and humorous - serious negative talk reflects poor self confidence, but what's wrong with poking a little fun at yourself? I make fun of myself for being a nerdy engineer, but I know I'm not a geek! Maybe it's a guy thing - women seem to treat it all as serious. Anyway, I used to be shy, now I'm not - tell your friend it can be done, your method would be very effective. And I'd minimize the size factor - remember, by the time the women sees it, she is probably too far along to care. Plus unless it's at one extreme or the other, I don't think it matters much to most. Plus there's nothing that can be done about it...

I'm trying to get a cynical comment to fit - an M term for money must figure in somehow....:smile:

I am always trying to get him to minimize the size factor. I also tell him he would be perfect for someone built internally like me. I'm no freak of nature, so he can find more. And you're right. Unless he's looking for one night stands (he's not) most of his partners will really care about him by the time they see him naked.

I've been making him follow all negative self-talk with positive affirmation and correction of inacurate negative statements. He's improving already.
 

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Self image is all about the relation between the events we experienced in our past and our way of rational thinking about how to interpret these events. Negative self-image and low self esteem is mostly a problem brought on by a lot of irrational thinking. This could in some cases grow in to a depression or even suicidal thoughts without the proper help. People should be more aware of how fantastic life can be, if you believe in yourself

@ BronxBombshell

You're doing great on helping him like this. He should also try to read up on the Rational Emotive Therapy. Most bookstores are filled to the roof with selfhelp books using RET and Avator like psychology.
 

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tallguypns said:
Damn, I wish I had a real friend like you, but nobody wants me. :confused:

I'm gonna go outside and head south until I catch up with someone else heading south. I'll hug 'em and say, "Pass it on." Maybe it'll get to you this time next week. From what I can gather, you are friendly, and kind. You think faster (and wittier) than anyone I know. What an incredible mind! You have such a sweet face. You look so approachable. You look like one of those people who gives a quick nuzzle during a hug. You also look like the kind of person I'd stop to ask for directions. I have no doubt you will make tons of new friends very soon.
 

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geitjeshoeder said:
Self image is all about the relation between the events we experienced in our past and our way of rational thinking about how to interpret these events. Negative self-image and low self esteem is mostly a problem brought on by a lot of irrational thinking. This could in some cases grow in to a depression or even suicidal thoughts without the proper help. People should be more aware of how fantastic life can be, if you believe in yourself

@ BronxBombshell

You're doing great on helping him like this. He should also try to read up on the Rational Emotive Therapy. Most bookstores are filled to the roof with selfhelp books using RET and Avator like psychology.

What you have said here is so very true! I have never heard of RET, but I will definitely be looking into it. I'll tell my friend also. He is theking of irrational self-hatred.
 

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BronxBombshell said:
Edit: He says he didn't mean it as a joke. My bad.

That's too bad. I know a guy, a fire fighter paramedic no less, who openly admits that he has a small penis. Yet, he has a Calvin Kline body that makes almost any straight woman or gay man in his surroundings want to fuck the shit out of him.

Of course, I imagine that it also helps that at 27, he still has the face of a spoiled frat boy and a gregarious personality.

Oh yeah, and he is also extremely confident.

If dick size was everything or almost everything then some of us wouldn't have time to be on this board.
 

tallguypns

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BronxBombshell said:
I'm gonna go outside and head south until I catch up with someone else heading south. I'll hug 'em and say, "Pass it on." Maybe it'll get to you this time next week. From what I can gather, you are friendly, and kind. You think faster (and wittier) than anyone I know. What an incredible mind! You have such a sweet face. You look so approachable. You look like one of those people who gives a quick nuzzle during a hug. You also look like the kind of person I'd stop to ask for directions. I have no doubt you will make tons of new friends very soon.

Thanks for those wonderful words. I'm going to write Hallmark and ask them to print a card with them just for me. :smile:

A couple of responses to your points.

If you find someone heading north, you can hug them too and have them pass it on. North also gets to me but it takes alot longer. (All points hugging is indeed called for)

It's very easy to think fast when there's ample time to do it. :biggrin1:

As far as nuzzling during a hug, I'm not exactly sure what that is, but here a hug from me is like if I like you and you're not too old and frail or too heavy. I bend down and put my arms underneath your arms so you're forced to hug around my shoulders and neck. I squeeze tight and once I have a good grip I stand back up. Leverage works so that I just pick you up right off the ground. My friends all get hoisted like that. Some of the lighter ones even get swung around a bit. My gay friends back in Louisiana (which is where I lived for 10 years until pre-katrina) love getting these hugs from me. Chatting with one of them on yahoo the other day when he mentioned my very favorite gay friend and mentioned they had been talking about me. "Andy and I were talking about you the other day. We miss your hugs. Andy says 'He's my kind of man. Someone that can just pick you right up and hug you and make you think you're safe in his arms'" I thought that was a sweet thing to say. Interestingly enough, despite that line of thought, I'm still not his "type" which would be another thread in itself.
 

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BronxBombshell said:
(Please move this if it's on the wrong board.) I love nerdy guys. They are super sexy. A friend of mine with a four inch penis and a grain of salt where his confidence should be made a joke and sent me the following equation.

P= size of penis (in centemeters)
S= amount of sex
B= muscular and sexy body

equation is as follows

P x (S x 10) + B = confidence level

I laughed. I disagree. What do you think?

Edit: He says he didn't mean it as a joke. My bad.

man, thats too bad..lack of confidence is a real mind-killer. but tell ur friend to keep the equations simple.

instead of P x (S x 10) + B = confidence level, try P = confidence level. ur friend should get his head in the right place, deal with the fact he has a small penis and move on. ur not gonna get anywhere is life unless u have OR act like u have the ballz(confidence) to take what u want. life's too short to spend whining.....:redface:
--good luck to him
 

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rhino_horn said:
man, thats too bad..lack of confidence is a real mind-killer. but tell ur friend to keep the equations simple.

instead of P x (S x 10) + B = confidence level, try P = confidence level. ur friend should get his head in the right place, deal with the fact he has a small penis and move on. ur not gonna get anywhere is life unless u have OR act like u have the ballz(confidence) to take what u want. life's too short to spend whining.....:redface:
--good luck to him

This is a part of how he is trying to deal with it. It's not easy, apparently, for many men to see beyond their penises. Just check out measurection to see for yourself how some men struggle to get past not just their small penis, but the slights they have also endured because of their endowments.

My friend responds, "but of course I need a big dick for females to want me and I need sex to move on."