I just had one of the worst sexual moments of my life. First time with new girlfriend and I just could not perform, luckily she is super cool and understanding. I don't know if it was nerves, or I was just thinking too much (dunno how to turn that off) but I could not get it up. I can get very hard while masturbating or watching porn, and even got almost entirely hard while we were messing around ,so I know it's not a physical issue, but just as we were about to start it disappeared. I'm wondering if lately I've been watching too much porn and masturbating that it's effected my thought process during sex, or if I'm just thinking too much before we go at it. Any ideas and suggestions on how I can resolve this issue? I'm hoping it was just a one time thing but I'm so bummed right now I could see it lingering.
erection during sex
- Thread starter Bjones85
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D_Ray_Jing_Hardon
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I think to much porn and jackin can leave you over stimulated. The BIG GUY needs a rest! Porn left me living in another world where none of my sex partners quite measured up. Hey......take the lady you were with out....ski, hike,gym dinner, hot tub.......
hud01
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hud01
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you contradicted yourself, over stimulated is the opposite of his problem
dewit
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I've had that happen a few times. Sometimes, shit just happens. Usually, I find it is when I get rock hard too soon, as it sounds like happened to you, during foreplay. Sometimes you can delay with more foreplay, but usually once you can't get it up, then you start overthinking it. Next time, try not to use the same routine. Something that works for me is keeping my underwear on until just before sex, keeping me hard probably because my dick is being stimulated by the fabric.
Let us know how it goes.
Let us know how it goes.
ShannonH
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Really common problem, and it sounds more like you just lost the mood for whatever reason. Actively trying to get hard is not sexy at all and will just make you anxious, which will kill even a diamond-hard boner.
I find when women just aren't feeling it for whatever reason, they are seldom shy about just saying so, but we men think that we 'have to' have sex when the opportunity arises. If you're feeling too anxious/worn out/whatever to have sex, then just don't. It's totally okay not to.
Turn your brain off and just enjoy the person you're with.
I find when women just aren't feeling it for whatever reason, they are seldom shy about just saying so, but we men think that we 'have to' have sex when the opportunity arises. If you're feeling too anxious/worn out/whatever to have sex, then just don't. It's totally okay not to.
Turn your brain off and just enjoy the person you're with.
How much do you like this girl?
So... first time together, you were hard all the way up to doing the deed, then lost it as soon as you had to consciously think about what to do with your dick to please her.
Performance anxiety, because what she makes of it/you really matters to you?
So... first time together, you were hard all the way up to doing the deed, then lost it as soon as you had to consciously think about what to do with your dick to please her.
Performance anxiety, because what she makes of it/you really matters to you?
No normal healthy guy in their 20's and 30's needs viagra, what is that going to solve? All it would do is mask over the problem.
The first place my mind went was performance anxiety, when I read what you wrote, Bjones. You say you have trouble turning your mind off? That you think too much before sex, and you don't know what to do about it? I agree with ShannonH and Zyz. Sounds like you need to dial down on the anxiety you're having before sex. Anxiety, like Shannon pointed out, is a boner-killer. Like Zyz pointed out, the first step is to figure out where it's coming from.
As for what to do when feeling anxious before sex...take your time. Eat her out for a while. Kiss her. Kiss her body. Tell her how beautiful she is. Focus on her body, work to please her, and you'll reduce the head space your anxiety has to play in. The levels of stress hormones in your body will decrease (if you're really worked up, this can take ten or more minutes - I'm sure she'd be okay with ten minutes of you worshipping her with your mouth), which means that the hormones that get you horny can start doing their work. Remember that sexual satisfaction is not all about penises going into vaginas - especially for her.
Anxiety comes in waves. Ride the wave out enough times, and your body will learn it doesn't have to be anxious.
Good luck!
As for what to do when feeling anxious before sex...take your time. Eat her out for a while. Kiss her. Kiss her body. Tell her how beautiful she is. Focus on her body, work to please her, and you'll reduce the head space your anxiety has to play in. The levels of stress hormones in your body will decrease (if you're really worked up, this can take ten or more minutes - I'm sure she'd be okay with ten minutes of you worshipping her with your mouth), which means that the hormones that get you horny can start doing their work. Remember that sexual satisfaction is not all about penises going into vaginas - especially for her.
Anxiety comes in waves. Ride the wave out enough times, and your body will learn it doesn't have to be anxious.
Good luck!
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Hey bjones85, it is definitely a bad experience what just happened to you. I would recommend not to panic, just to chill. Sometimes when I'm about to have sex, I can fill my dick going down, if I start thinking about it, I would lose my hard on. If I, instead, start enjoying more myself and my girl, my hard on comes back. Hope this helps!
