Erection Issue

magicpie

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Basically a few days ago I was pretty much brought into the world of sex, having been without female contact for the last 21 years of my life. So yeah essentially a 21 year old kissless virgin. But over the last weekend I had my first sexual experiences with my girlfriend, problem I had is that the moment I put on a condom (I was hard by this point) then went to penetrate I went flaccid in literally seconds.

We tried again a few minutes later with her performing oral to get me hard again then the exact same thing happened, put on condom, went to insert and then it goes limp in seconds. After that we tried dry humping and it just wouldn't go up (By this point I was so stressed) then I couldn't get hard even hours later that night. Bearing in mind I had actually masturbated the day before and she had given me three hand/blow jobs (One about 30 mins before we tried) would that have such a massive effect on it? because normally I can go through erections like its nobodies business.

I've heard of something called 'first-time nerves' but does that work in the same way as I really REALLY wanted to have sex but clearly my penis was disagreeing or is it a sub-conscious nerve?

Thank you for taking the time to read about my problem and I look forward to reading any replies and personal experiences that may shed some light on this problem.
 

Tuka

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I have heard of this happening before, and I think it very likely is a case of nerves.

Try to go easy on yourself and do whatever you can to relax during and before your sexual encounters. I hope that your girlfriend is supportive and accepting; her reassurance could also go a long way towards helping you feel more comfortable. Also, try not to think of your first time as a momentous event. It really isn't, at least it wasn't in my experience. Just think of it as one of many, many times you will have intercourse in your lifetime.

Other than that, I don't really know what to recommend. Do you think the condoms are turning you off in some way? If so, it may be worth experimenting with putting one on when you're not under the pressure of being with her or penetrating her. Then maybe you can sort out whatever feelings you might have about the condom, the strangeness of how it feels, or whatever.
 

magicpie

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I have heard of this happening before, and I think it very likely is a case of nerves.

Try to go easy on yourself and do whatever you can to relax during and before your sexual encounters. I hope that your girlfriend is supportive and accepting; her reassurance could also go a long way towards helping you feel more comfortable. Also, try not to think of your first time as a momentous event. It really isn't, at least it wasn't in my experience. Just think of it as one of many, many times you will have intercourse in your lifetime.

Other than that, I don't really know what to recommend. Do you think the condoms are turning you off in some way? If so, it may be worth experimenting with putting one on when you're not under the pressure of being with her or penetrating her. Then maybe you can sort out whatever feelings you might have about the condom, the strangeness of how it feels, or whatever.

Thanks for the speedy response!

I don't think its a condom issue, out of curiosity in the past I have used condoms while masturbating (A different brand than the one used) but I just went flaccid literally the moment I went down on her and yes she was amazingly supportive and really kind about the whole thing.
 

camer999

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If you were/are watching porn often/masturbating often. Stop for a while and try again (like 3+ months.) Try sex again in like a week of no masturbation at first.
 
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SirConcis

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I'd say you were nervous and affraid you wouldn't perform. And the second your erection started to go, it snowballed because you really couldn't perform.

You can reduce the importance of your penis by using fingers for long foreplay at which point you will see that you can pleasure her and could have less anxiety about your penis being so critical to pleasuring her.

Another way would be for her to masturbate you to orgasm. This way, you will show her that you can perform so the next time, you won't be nervous about proving to her that you can perform.
 

magicpie

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I'd say you were nervous and affraid you wouldn't perform. And the second your erection started to go, it snowballed because you really couldn't perform.

You can reduce the importance of your penis by using fingers for long foreplay at which point you will see that you can pleasure her and could have less anxiety about your penis being so critical to pleasuring her.

Another way would be for her to masturbate you to orgasm. This way, you will show her that you can perform so the next time, you won't be nervous about proving to her that you can perform.

Its like I put in my opening post, I had zero issues with oral/hand, really enjoyed it and we were at foreplay for ages with me fingering her etc etc (She tells me that foreplay really doesn't push her over the edge but penetration right after some long foreplay is her tipping point)

I think you may be right with the 'snowball', it was rock hard until I rolled over into position then it just went utterly limp and then I couldn't get it up again most likely due to stress of the first problem no matter what she did. Next morning however it was back to normal and worked fine but we didn't try sex again because I wanted to hold out for a few days to kinda 'build up' the tension (4 ejaculations within 24 hours is a bit much for someone as inexperienced as me). As a small side note to anyone who may have thought this, I have no history of Erectile dysfunction or any problems relating to maintaining erections so I have ruled that out.

Thanks for all the help you've all been giving, its really aided in setting my mind at ease about this issue and we're going to try again over the weekend with a week of abstaining from other sexual things. Any other advice would be appreciated.