Erection question for you wonderful ladies.

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by RupinX, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. RupinX

    RupinX Member

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    Have any of you on here had an experience with a boyfriend/lover where he had difficulty getting it up?

    I will just go ahead and admit it. Sometimes when a woman has trouble with my size, I kind of get a complex about it and there after have trouble getting an erection. It is 100% mental I know, but I wonder if anyone has come across this and what they did to "fix" this little problem...any suggestions?
     
  2. happyfeet

    happyfeet New Member

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    The only thing I suggest is that you stop worrying about what the woman thinks so much that it affects you that way.

    I have been with men who had trouble getting it up. It didn't bother me. It bothered them. And, I found that...unappealing.

    I think the only thing that "fixed" the problem was relaxing and enjoying himself. I'll up the foreplay when this happens. If I like the guy enough.
     
  3. snoozan

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    You know, it happens. No one can perform 100% of the time. I bet it would be a lot easier if you were with a partner that was understanding-- someone you could talk about this frankly with. A kind woman who truly cares for you will be receptive to talking about it and will try to make you comfortable and not force the issue. Because it is a psychological thing as you've said, you really need to let yourself relax (not easy) and getting to that point might require a patient, understanding lover.

    I've never been with a man where sex worked perfectly or even very well the first time around for various reasons. I've never had any problem taking the extra time to get to know each other in bed, and it's paid off by turning some so-so lovers at the beginning into really hot partners.
     
  4. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    I have this difficulty quite frequently. You're right, we do get 'complexes' about many things.....problem is, saying "Just don't worry about it.." doesn't really help in the real world because we're not worrying on the OUTSIDE...it's on the inside. It's a subconcious thought, that occurs probably a million times a second, and when that roller coaster begins you can't stop it. I've tried, most guys have tried. The drugs/chemicals DO help with this, and in the right dosages they're probably pretty safe for most people, with a doctor's supervision in using them. The drugs help our bodies circumvent the issues our subconcious minds are causing...that is assuming your situation is mostly psychological.
     
  5. honeydew

    honeydew New Member

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    Kotchanski,

    Please let us all in on what your husband says. I am dating a guy right now with this issue and it is all mental for him too. things are improving because I do take the time to listen and let him share his feelings about what is going on mentally when it happens. He is starting to relax enough that soon all systems will be on go.
     
  6. ArtfulDominant

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    Apart from men who have physiological problems or severe neuroses with matters sexual, I say every man has experienced or likely will experience
    one or more instances of not being able to get an erection. I can't make a lot of sense of the times when it's happened to me; but now I can accept that it may happen now and then and usually has nothing to do with with
    how horny I am, how attractive the woman is, or even how self-assured I am at that point in time. I think it often has a lot more to do with other things going on in our lives -- work, stress, and various unresolved issues.
    I don't worry about it anymore. I know it's more often than not going to happen when I'm initially with a new partner, and if it happens, it won't last long. Guys: don't beat yourself up, and women: don't automatically question your own sexual allure. A number of women I've had sex with suffered from vaginismus initially. They all worked through that, and a few turned out to be tigers in the end.:wink: If your partner won't work through
    a temporary difficulty like either of these problems with you in a patient
    adult way, then you weren't destined to have an ongoing OMG "knock your socks" off affair with that person in the first place. THAT blissful state takes empathy, effective communication skills ... and a bit of dumb luck.
     
  7. RupinX

    RupinX Member

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    Please let us know. I would really appreciate it!
     
  8. RupinX

    RupinX Member

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    Thank you for your thoughtful reply. The last long term gf I was with was very patient and kind about the whole issue. We discussed it at length (no pun intended), but no matter what she says, it has still become a head game for me. She had assured me that even though my size took some getting used to and that she would never be able to take all of it, that it was OK. Despite that, subconsiously I developed sometime of complex. But you are right, maybe next woman I am with, we should try to take are time with the romance part....thanks again!
     
  9. Aplus

    Aplus New Member

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    I suspect more romance is needed. Contrary to popular belief, guys simply can't just turn it off and on all of the time. Talk is a good thing, but sometimes more is needed. Not always easy to get yourself aroused when your not 100% sure the other person really wants it. At the same time, not every guy wants to have "careful" sex all of the time. I do know that some guys with huge penises can get frustrated always having to be careful not to go too deep or stroke too hard. That can tend to take some of the fun away for some guys.
     
  10. duderino

    duderino New Member

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    Vaginismus? That's a new one, to me, anyway. Could someone please explain, define?
     
  11. D_Peacocke Rimplougher

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    when I can't get it up, I often have play sex like dry humping each other and it springs into life based on the body movements alone
     
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