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[sam01]

I am sure there have been quite a few of these threads in the past but I feel like getting it off my chest.

Basically, I am really shit at attracting women.

Now, I am not a bad looking guy, I am not great looking, but as I am gathering, looks are not always the biggest factor in attraction. I am 22, 6'1, weigh about 12 stone and have a good build. I have had 3 sexual partners and probably 10 maybes over the years. I don't take a lot of time over my appearance but I generally wear smart enough clothes that don't look like I'm not making an effort.

So to the crux of the problem. Socially I am a little bit awkward, I know this only too well and often like to play with the boundaries of acceptability and what you 'should' do in certain situations. A recent case was I went to speak in a girls ear (it was loud) at a nightclub and she moved her head away, I said 'I wasn't going to bite your ear off?' and tried to make a joke of it. Generally these things backfire but we managed to have an OK conversation, then later on she ignored me.

Here is another point. Talking I am not particularly good at, I will speak to them like I would speak to anyone, genuinely interested in who they are, what they do, where they come from. I try to be nice and not force the conversation, but I guess I'm not particularly bothered about how I come across, I try to be myself and just go with the conversation, I certainly don't have any pick up lines or routines that I would do.

And another point, I mostly have no idea if a girl is finding me attractive, unless they are lunging at me. It is basically a fucking nightmare trying to audition to any female ever unless they have decided in an instant that they like me, and when this happens they are either A- about 30 and quite a step down or B - someone that is ruff/clingy/desperate.

I think that attraction should be natural and you shouldn't have to force yourself on people, and I guess I am a bit picky too. I don't like blondes, I don't like girls who are too obviously attractive, I don't like stupid girls that can't form their own opinions, I don't like girls that seem too cliquey, I don't like girls that look like they are copying what everyone else is wearing or doing. I'd say out of 10 I would probably like 1-3 depending on the area/crowd.

I guess I have been knocked back that many times I just feel like whats the point, yet at times I feel really desperate for a girlfriend and someone to share things with. I was seeing a girl for about 2 years at university, but that didn't work out for a variety of reasons, so its not like I can't form meaningful relationships. I guess its typical nice guy syndrome, but I refuse to be typecast, it should be possible to be nice and get a girl in the sack, I have done it before!

And before anyone posts some tried and tested methods of 'walk to the bar, look moody, scratch your right arm slowly, buy a beer, moonwalk to her, slap her ass, feel her tits, and then pretend she has a pet koala in her handbag'. Don't. I am not interested in fundamentally changing who I am just to get some girl in bed. But I am aware that something is wrong in my approach/attitude to meeting women.

Thanks for reading

 

[D_Vladimir Jurkov]

You say you've had about 3 sexual partners? And got close around 10 other times? Just do what worked those times. And if it's no different than what you've described than you'll just hafta embrace the fact that you're not like most people and for women's taste, you might be in a small niche. Be glad it's worked out even once.

 

[Guy-jin]

You're welcome.

Also, I have to say I did not realize a "stone" is 14 pounds, making all 18.25 hands of you one skinny dude. I suppose it's because I abhor non-metric measurement, but I may have to tell people how much I weigh in "stone" now.

 

[cdog204]

I have always found it hard to meet girls in bars unless they are 'friend of a friend' situations. Too much going on. Perhaps this is not your scene. The rest of this is going to sound like the worst, most cliched shit ever, but I'm sharing it because I have found it to be true in my experiences.

The girls who will just fuck a guy that they meet in a bar have some self-esteem issue of some sort. They want to be treated badly. As such, they look for guys and choose them based on a few really shallow characteristics, not necessarily looks. Typically, I find that these girls are looking for a bad-boy who behaves like a dick. I won't treat women that way, no matter how horny I am.

If Mr. Wrong isn't available, the next choice for these women is a guy who looks fairly cool. I can live with this, after all if I'm at a bar I'm there to chill out anyway. Be smiley and laugh a lot, tell jokes with your pal, lean nonchalantly against something, if you have hair run your fingers through it in some way. If you see a girl looking towards you, give her a wink. If she continues staring, gesture towards her with your drink. If she approaches you, just keep cool and suave and act like you're just out for a good time. She'll take it to the next level if that's going to happen.

One more tip: if you're going to approach a woman's ear, say something outrageous, like bad enough that she might want to slap you. Say, "Nice earrings. Want a pearl necklace?" A girl who is up for it will laugh.

 

[sam01]

kissesdownbelow - I know those figures aren't particularly impressive, but I don't go out looking to pick up girls generally, I probably go out 2-3 times a month at the moment and that is mostly to music events. I think if I had been going out religiously every weekend and had was part of a big social group I wouldn't have done as bad.

guy - I'm not skinny man! I'd be classed as normal in the UK. Like I say I have a good build so I don't feel like I'm let down in this area.

cdog - That's sound advice I guess. I know what you mean about bar situations, its pretty hard to get to know people that way. winking is out, I can't do it and would probably look awkward trying, but I like the idea of the girl coming to you. I often feel like going up and making the first move leaves you at a disadvantage. Maybe I should wait for more signs from the girl/learn how to read said signs.

Also, my older brother (30) does pretty well with women. He was part of a big social group growing up and as far as I know has always had 1 girl on the go. But generally he is a bit of a fuckup, failed university, had the same shit job for ten years, has no ambition and has had a couple of more serious relationships that he fucked up in one way or another. But he is good with women, I think it comes naturally to him, but then I think what do women see in him? He's overweight, isn't particularly good looking (i'd say I was slightly better looking) and seems to have not grown mentally since he was about 16.